Those words were part of the last conversation I had with Kel, before she died , March last year. She had been diagnosed with Breast Cancer, in 2011, having not recognised all the signs, lumps etc , finally on seeing the consultant, it was to late, she was given a prognosis of 10 years, She was married at that point, with 5 children, 3 were over 18, and 2 with her present husband. Both under 10. Difficult times, as her husband couldn’t handle the news, and had an affair with Kels friend, and with Kel going through surgery to have a breast and lymph nodes removed, this was a blow, and she threw him out and divorced him, Now living with cancer, 4 children who were absolutely devoted to their mother, financial issues, it was ditticult times.
I , at that time lived in St Just, near Lands End on my own, as recently divorced, but my family , lived in London with their mother. I worked as a debt collector , and was asked to cover Bristol for a period, where I met Kelly, at this point, having had 2 failed marriages and 25 years older than Kel, I did not for one moment think this would come to anything. But on seeing Kel, the children, the harshness of her situation, tugged at my heart, We began chatting over the summer, even taking her and Alfie and Harry down to Cornwall , it developed into something special…it came at a cost, I was devoting my time to Kel and family, seeing less of my own children all adults now. But as the years rolled past, Chemo had usual results, hair etc etc, but then the cancer appeared dormant, Kel grew her hair, to look at this brave woman, you would never have known she had cancer. We were both in love, we even planned a wedding on Bodmin Moor in Cornwall, but covid reared its ugly head…and we cancelled…time moved on, Kel reached the 10 year stage, but the C was back spread to liver, but her resolve to see Alfie hr youngest and favourite leave school, was as strong as ever, Kels life inurance finally paid out after lates prognosis gave her only another year or 2. Kel wanted now only to give memories to the kids and myself, we enjoyed holidays, Spain, Tenerife, and then the news it was speading further, hit me like a train, I had always hoped it might give us longer…but spread to spine, brain, but Kel lapsed into a coma in hospital, over Christmas 2022, for at least 2 weeks, we thought this was it, but she fought back, and came back to us, we had the next 3 months at home, where Kel knew what I could not get my head around, was that there was no coming back from this, hense the promises, Dave promise you wont let me die, Dave promise you will be a guardian to Alfie and Harry…it hurts me so much that i could only keep one of those promises. Kelly passed in March 2023, with all the family around her, …and no I still miss her so much, everyday she pops into my head, I show to kids, Alfie now 17 , Harry 19, that life goes on , but privately, no, i can only look and listen to the memories that I have of my time with Kelly, and as I see Kelly in all of the family , I really find it so difficult to discuss with anyone…
I think writing down you story and feelings gives you great relief. At least you had time to make those memories. They will bring you comfort.
Thank you, Debsie 1, yes it felt good to get that down in writing. I have had so many things happen to me in my life, but the most significant being meeting Kel, She became part of me, and to take that away was a wrench. We shared so much, we had a very sexually active life, very like minded, although I am 25 years older, we bonded and taught each other so much. Kelly gave me many times the option to walk away, but she knew as did I that I couldn’t do that. Difficult decisions but no regrets, it feels good to talk to others .
I found it very moving what you said had been the final plea.
I never had that from my Dave. But he didn’t need to say to look after what was to do. We both knew
that. I had to look after our home, wind up his affairs, care about what was important to him, keep his legacy going.
He said don’t worry he would do it but he couldn’t. He used to do so much. He used to say I would be alright. I find it tough can’t ask him any more. Accept imagine what he used to say or what he would have said.
He would say come on.
I cleaned the oven hob he used to clean as best as I could. Silly things really. He used to open lids for me. I have no strength in my hands. Just got to get on with it and try to figure out how to get round these challenges
Thank you for your reply, and the kind words. Yes a difficult time, i assume your late partner and I share the same name… So it has been difficult, obviously having bought up my own children from previous marriage, and then on Kels passing, find myself bringing up both Harry and Alfie, then both under 18 and myself in retirement, thanks to Kels other 3 in their 18-25 bracket helped. Kels eldest also got married the year before, and Kel was so fortunate that the big C allowed her that to be there for that. She loved her children, they came before myself, and whose was i to begrudge that. Yes she was a big part of my life , made me feel so much younger…for want of a better term, she ruled the roost, and i still find it so difficult without her beside me, although am sure she is there 24/7 in spirit watching over us…thank you again