It’s just gone 18 months now since losing my dad it’s still very raw for me as I was my dad’s carer he wasn’t just my dad but my best friend too I’ve recently been diagnosed with PTSD symptoms I’m having counceling now bad flashbacks from events that have happened to my dad I’ve been with him with every single one I’m hopefully having a 3rd lot of bereavement counceling soon I still have a lot of guilt things I didn’t do with my dad certain movies I’m angry with god still for taking him away from me and my mum and his cat Garfield even Garfield knows something isn’t right looking round the house for him still opening his wardrobe door and looking for him I went down last week to see my dad’s grave I stayed there talking to him for about 10 mins telling him I’m looking after mum and Garfield his cat I’ve sorted Garfields vet stuff out and that we miss him so much
Hello @David8
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad and to read about the PTSD symptoms you have been experiencing. Thank you for sharing so openly with us, not just as a son but also having been a carer to your dad - I do hope you are finding the community and your bereavement counselling sessions helpful. I’m just giving your thread a gentle “bump” - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Megan
Hi Dave.
Im sorry about you losing your dad. You sound very close. My parent died 13 months ago. It feels like yesterday and too long at the same time. In my home, i gave my living room up to care. It was kinda a shock after, before i was needed. Carers 4 times a day. My pain/problems i couldn’t do the physical turning and beding etc. Nurses everyday too. So from constant activity and mental and physical care and love. The silence i found deafening when it all stopped… as well as the loss.
Watching person you love slowly dissappear, even the food and drinks you planned to tempt them , too ill to take.
I try to remember the precious memories, even the last ones. Those little moments of bittersweet joy. Little victories. A knowing smile shared . Maybe a song or programme you shared at this time. Sharing with them previous memories, talking to them of memories and love even if they cant answer. The day/nights you sat by them, even though they couldn’t respond, they knew you were there and giving love.
You should too try to. You sound so caring. Your relationship with your parent so precious. Im sure your parent was so happy to know you loved them so much , that you took on thier care. Personally.
One of the hardest situations, is to care at home alone (family wise) for a loved one. Its a loving act. However i truly understand how it takes from you. Now. Mentally can be breaking. … doesn’t not mean you didn’t/ dont love. Watch the guilt it isnt deserved. Caring/ being a carer for someone loved, end of life, is precious, beautiful, painful and a most heavy emotionally breaking gift. And thats what you gave.
I hope i have not been too upsetting. I wanted you to know you are understood, and empathise. The gift you gave and the cost. Sending virtual care a d hugs. Happy for you to reply, understand if you dont.
Thank you means alot x
It feels more difficult for me because I’m the youngest and I lived at home still as I have an older brother and sister who are both married with kids and gran children I’m the one who did all the caring for my dad because they have got there on families I’ve never left my mum and dad felt like a piece of me died that night me and my mum got to the hospital but we were to late I was the last person with my dad that day he was taken ill I went with him in the ambulance I stayed with him to 4pm that day then got the dreaded phone call later that same night the hospital doctors were no concerned it was that bad just saying that he’s comfortable treating him with antibiotic drips and just waiting for a bed on a ward for him every day I wake up feel like I’m in some sort of bad dream it’s the same when I go to the cemetery to see my dad’s grave just like a real bad dream
Morning
Yes there is always one if us who is there. And thats you too. Being so close physically and mentally .
As you say you dont have support of children and grandchildren. Could you go and visit even stay a little while with your brother/ sister? Have you been able to tell them how you are feeling? Could you try.
Im sure it would be a help to feel thier love and support. X
Morning Dave
Just really wanted to say that and tell you im still here.
Still here for you
Message anytime. X