Day 1

I had to write something down the need to not feel alone and isolated is overwhelming, today is the first day of life without my beautiful girlfriend, i woke up and had a cry and i only got up as i was picking the dogs up from the kennels, house was empty with out them, i looked in the mirror to do my hair and cryed as i had stubble and she hated that, had a call off the medical examiner explainig what will happen next i cryed the entire phone call, i sat at the computer and wrote a massive letter to my Girlfriend telling how much i missed her what i loved about her etc, then i went and shopped for dog food, i did all this before 10am, the day is so long and has dragged so much, i thought i was strong but i was wrong i need her so much it hurts, i had to eat, all i could bring my self to muster was a tin of cold baked beans i cryed into the bowl at how broken i feel, im sorry to seem like a downer but Sheila was my reason for waking each day. now i feel i have no purpose its soul destroying. i could go on but i wont, thank you for listening.

7 Likes

@Andy70
I am so sorry to hear about your girlfriend Sheila. Even if you expect someone to die, it can still come as a huge shock (my partner had aggressive brain cancer and died in February, three months after being diagnosed, and I am still in shock). There is nothing I can say to make it any less painful, but what you will find on this forum are people who understand how dreadful it is to lose their partner. I am several weeks further on than you on this awful ‘grief journey’, and all I can suggest is to take one day, or even one hour, at a time and focus on the basics - drinking, eating, sleeping. For me, I don’t look too far ahead as it can be overwhelming. I hope that writing to your girlfriend helps. If it does, keep doing it, and also keep coming on this forum because there are a lot of people here that will listen to you and offer their support.

@Andy70 I’m so sorry for your loss.
It’s OK to talk here. You can tell us anything, whenever you want, for as long as you like. No one’s going to judge. It’s good to let it all out…
We all think we’re strong, we have to be, until the inevitable happens but then it’s OK to break…
The days ahead will be hard but we can only take a step at a time. Do only what you’re comfortable with, don’t compare your journey with anybody else’s.
Keep talking, keep writing, especially to Sheila, it will help.

@Andy70

It’s awful grief isn’t it. Your still a strong person grief is overwhelming and the feelings are indescribable. It really does know you. The way I see it is the greater the love you shared, the harder it is. You cannot loose such a great love without such great pain.

It’s 5 weeks tomorrow that I lost my beautiful Andrew, cruely and unexpectedly, so I know only to well how gut renching it truly is.

Some days you’ll feel half okay, which is quite surreal! But others the tears won’t stop falling for the the love and life’s partner that you have lost. Thoughts that fill your head, could you have done more, why him, why me, if only, is he ok? Where is he? The list is endless.

I do know you partner wouldn’t care about your stubble, she will care that your eating cold beans from a can and that you are looking after yourself :blush: I totally understand the feeling of “what’s the point” just cooking for yourself but you must try and figure out some easy nutritious meals . Maybe for now buy some nice bread, sandwich stuff, pork pies, coleslaw and salad. Easy and not must thought. Or if you have friends or family close by ask them to drop you meals off to take the pressure off, after all everyone always says “if there is anything I can do” maybe reach out if your able.

You’re really not alone here, don’t feel silly reaching out. It helps me when I’m feeling particularly low.

Take care and try and be kind to yourself xx

@Andy70 im so sorry for your loss. It’s been 14 weeks since my husband died unexpectedly (he was 43) and I had to go through the medical examiners route so I empathise about how tough it is. My heart still hurts everyday, but this forum does help. I hope you have a good support network available, and are able to lean on them. As I say, this forum does help; as you realise that what you are feeling is “normal” and there are others that understand. Please don’t feel like you’re being a downer, what you are is grieving. Be kind to yourself

@Andy70

Hey, was just wondering how you are getting on? :hugs:

Hi sorry i havnt replyed ive had a couple of days where i just didnt wnat to talk or see anyone, i felt so alone, all ive done is cried, sorry for not replying to you all

@Andy70

Good morning,

Don’t be sorry, you do what’s best for you! Sorry to hear you have been so low. Everyday won’t be like that.

I hope today is a better day for you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Sending love and hugs :hugs:

thank you and yeah seem to be a bit better today i bought a red rose bush and planted it in front garden for sheila today, i just hope it grows im no gardner

2 Likes

@Andy70

That’s good to hear that your feeling a bit better today, hope that continues for you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

How lovely planting a rose tree, it’ll be nice seeing it blossom.

I’m not green fingered either but have planned pumpkins and wild flowers. My neighbours must think I’m nuts cause I’m watering mud patches all over my garden :joy:

1 Like