Day 4

Question is there a future normal. I am coping with myself and the loss of my wife partner friend and lifetime love. 4th day.
I need to get into sorting out her passing, legal, certification etc, my family seems to have taken that task over and I feel smothered lost angry, at the same time I have to escape walk away. Life is in the corvid virus lockdown syndrome, sheesh the only costas via a garage, breakfast would have been Sainsbury’s with Helen, but thats not available and not possible. Since late January when she was taken to hospital with covid symptoms. I wanted her reassuring hug, her smile, the way she fulfills and completed me, and that will never be, I hate the thought of being by myself.
I went shopping yesterday to fill the hand basket with her dietry milk bread etc, using the wand, only to realise they’re not needed. I put them back, feeling?,
I guess the question is?, is there a normal in the future?.

Hi Colin. Welcome. No, there is no normal future, not for us, Things will never be the same. But we can make a ‘new normal’. I doubt very much that whenever something ‘triggers’ a memory we won’t feel the pain again. But acceptance of the fact that the past is gone, and although memory can strike hard even years after the event, we can learn to live with it and make a life for ourselves. What would our loved one’s have wanted? For us to be miserable and in permanent mourning? I doubt it.
It’s far too early for you to accept your loss and my heart goes out to you.
People say time is not a healer. I think it is. The wound will heal but the scar will remain. Take it a day at a time, it’s all you can do at the moment.
Blessings and take care of yourself.

Hi Colin. It is early days. I’ve not got anyone to take over so don’t know how that feels but I know the feeling of loss. I lost my wife suddenly nearly 4 weeks ago. The pain is hard because she was only 53 and we was loving life together and looking forward to more time together. Constant reminders catch me out and I’m sure you will or have discovered. I waiting for the day when I manage to survive without forgetting her. Keep going I’m sure you are doing better than you think

Thanks for the reply, day 6.
I feel like I’m in limbo, with my family watching my actions or reactions, they at 30, and older are running through papers accounts, and formulating strategies,
Its passing around me. Early days and being out of control and contact.
Beyond that I miss a person to talk with, generally relate with.

It is so hard. I was just talking to a work colleague and I realised that this Christmas was going to be the first time I was having 4 days off at Christmas. First time since being married for 22 years. So wished I had done it earlier. But can’t change anything.
Tonight and the morning will be hard as it has every day since my Allison went.
Can’t like you explain or describe the pain