Hello all.
Living with grief is a horrific struggle day by day every minute of every second I live with the horrible thought I’ll never get to hug my mum and hear her voice her laugh her telling me of. If she was with me now I would never argue with her again. I would listen to everything she would want to say. I’d take my mum for a coffee and chat about anything she wants to chat about. I’d laugh with her. What I wouldn’t give to tell my mum about my job all the abuse I have to put up with. How hard it is to do it I know she’d say how proud she is of me that I’ve been holding this job down as an enforcerment officer.
I know one thing if this grief I am feeling has all just been a terrible dream anc my mum rung me now I’d walk out of work and oh my god I’d be at my mums in a flash. First thing I’d say to my mum is mum I had a horrible dream for over 6 years that you left us don’t ever do that again I beg you mum. It’s no good wishing it has happened and I’ll never get my head around it
Hi @Steven,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone. I can see on your other thread that this is a particularly painful day for you as it is the day you lost your sister when you were four. We are thinking of you and your dad - please do reach out for some extra support if you need it.
Take good care,
Seaneen
Hi Steven,
I think all of us would say we feel how your are feeling at the moment. Especially difficult day as it’s the anniversary of your little sister.
I lost count the number of times, I wished I had said I love you more to my husband. Wished we had argued less of what seems pointless things and nagged less about what’s not really important. How many times I have woke in the mornings praying it was all a dream and he would still be here.
But the reality is, it has past, they are not coming back and torturing ourselves will not changed things.
I hold onto knowing I will see my husband again and he’s in my heart every single moment of every day. I know he is listening to me when I chat to him, which I do alot, and I hold on to all the happy memories and good times we shared. That love keeps me going until I see him again.
Sending love and hugs to both you and your dad, I’m sure your mum and little sister are watching over both of you.
Your mum will be very proud of her son and everything you do.
Debbie x
Hi thank you for your mind words they touched me
Sorry to read your finding it so hard
It’s true what you say. We have to hold onto what little hope we have left of seeing our loved ones it may not be much but it’s something it’s better than having nothing. It’s what keeps me going the believe I will see my mum again and what a day that will be.
Grief has taught me so much about myself my strengths my weaknesses and more importantly how I can get through this. It’s taught me how family is more important. I can’t believe it’s taken my mum to leave me to make me see it but it’s has. Grief has made me the person I am today.
You say my mum would be proud of me. If anything I am proud of my mum. She gave up fags and alcohol in one go that takes something but more than anything I am proud of her for how she kept my family together. She was a truly amazing person
You are right we can’t keep torturing ourselves we have all been through so nuch.
Sending you hugs to. Steve x