Hi
I lost my husband 4 weeks ago today and we had the most amazing funeral for him Friday.
Yesterday wasn’t too bad but I’ve woken up today and feel like I’m back in those first few days again
The football team he supports have a. Local Derby today and he would have been up getting ready to go watch it with our son down the pub.
I’m just broken like I don’t know where he is now as the ashes aren’t back yet or anything.
I have lots of people to support me my kids, parents and friends but I just want him.
I know it’s daft as if he was here he would have been getting ready then going out for the day but I always knew he was coming back.
I know from reading the posts on here this pain doesn’t stop but I hope it gets a bit easier as my hearts just breaking every day
Hello, my lovely husband died 18 weeks ago. Weekends are tough. He would go and watch his beloved football team and send me messages on how bad the referees always were 
. On a Sunday morning like today, the noise of football on the TV is missing so I have always got the football on just for the sound. I’ve no clue who’s playing. I’m so sorry for your loss. After the funeral the chaos does quieten down and it still feels like “now what do I do”.
Thank you for your reply
That’s exactly it I miss the phone calls messages the moaning everything
I almost have to push that pain out of my mind or I would just curl up in bed or on the sofa as I still haven’t managed to sleep in our bed yet
I slept on my son’s sofa bed for a few weeks. I now actually like going into our bed and reading messages he sent or videos he filmed so I can hear his voice before trying to get to sleep. Still sleeping on my side of the bed only though
Hi @Jjacko
I lost my Wife of 31 years Anna at the beginning of November last year after a long battle with Cancer & like you i was devastated & broken, in the weeks leading up to the Funeral i felt like i was stuck in a state of suspended animation where nothing seemed to be real & i was just trapped in a bad dream that I couldn’t wake up from. The day of the Funeral came & myself & my Son & Daughter had arranged a beautiful service, for a week or so i felt completely lost & inconsolable not knowing where she was & i was unable to settle or even sleep at night. After a week i was contacted by the Funeral Directors to collect the ashes & although apprehensive i went to collect them, from the minute i had them in my possession everything felt different somehow, i felt more at ease knowing that i had her back with me & even managed to sleep a little that night, i take her ashes upstairs at night & talk to her & tell her how much i Love her before saying goodnight, then i take them back downstairs next morning & talk to her throughout the day, it gives me comfort to do this.
It’s still very early in the grief process for both of us so i can’t advise how long the raw pain of your loss will continue for, I’m a few months in now & I’m still as broken as the day she left me & still cry every day but hopefully as time progresses it will get easier for both of us. I hope you manage to find comfort when your Husband’s ashes are returned to you as i did.
God bless 
Love & Hugs 
Derek.
That’s nice to know
Whenever he was in hospital I always slept on his side and will carry on doing that
I’ve got his V pillow still he had in the hospice
We always used to laugh at people who had things made with their loved ones clothes but now I totally get it.
I’m so thankful I still have kids at home but feel for them that they have to see how sad I am every day
@Jjacko
I had bought my Wife one of those oversized Oodie hoody things last year for her Birthday & she Loved to wear it on chilly evenings, since she passed i wear it every evening, it’s not been washed & i can still smell her on it which helps me a lot although it was upsetting at first. My Daughter has had a memory bear made from some of my Wife’s clothing which gives her comfort also.
I’m sad to hear that you still have young children that have had to suffer the loss of a parent at such an early age, my two Children are 30 & 23 & they have found it incredibly difficult to deal with the loss of their Mom.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers
Look after yourself, take one day at a time & when emotional times come, let the tears flow, i find it helps me to do that.
Take care x
Derek
Hi,
I lost my husband in December. The funeral was 2 weeks ago and i can relate to all you say about missing things you did together - particularly the football! My husband was a keen darts player, and the captain of the team, and his 2 darts teams have been really supportive of me and my daughter. This week they won the league and the team have asked us to collect the trophy in his honour. This is a privilege but at the same time, it should be HIM collecting the trophy which makes me so sad.
I am taking each day as it comes but there is a huge hole on my life at the moment and i feel lost and empty.
I am glad i joined this forum and can see others are going through the same sh1t together xx
Thank goodness for my kids. They are 15 and 16 and are remarkable. I received a cushion with my husbands photo on it after he passed from one of his work colleagues. At the time I thought what on earth but it actually brings a smile to my face. I sprayed some of his aftershave on it and it’s propped up in the bedroom. It’s trying to work out the balance making sure that I’m not going mad and what is and isn’t good for me. Being on this site has helped me realise we are all going through similar turmoil and I’m not losing the plot altogether
These are are so very helpful and comforting to read thank you
I feel like collecting the ashes will be therapeutic too so it’s good to know someone else said it helped them.
Our kids are 21,24 and 25 with a 5 month old Grandson they are all amazing the two youngest live with us still
I’ve been that upset today I decided to go into our bedroom and get rid of any medical stuff that wasn’t him, my thoughts were I’m upset anyway so can’t be any worse
We are off to a friends house now for dinner so hopefully that will distract me a little bit too.
Thank you all for your kind words and comment today they have really helped xx
Enjoy your dinner! Xx
@Jjacko
I removed everything that was remotely connected to my Wife’s illness & disposed of it more or less straight away, unfortunately the hospital bed she was in at the end that was in our front room i couldn’t get rid of so easily, the medical supplies company that delivered it didn’t come & take it away for ten days which was very upsetting to deal with but once everything was gone i felt a little less agitated.
Good that some of the comments have helped.
I hope Sunday lunch at your friend’s went well x
Derek
Last weeks dinner was lovely but this week has been a huge struggle
I really don’t think it helps me when people put ideas in my mind like “ after the funeral is harder “ or the 2nd year is harder as I am almost expecting it
I still can’t stop crying at all but I have taken the offer of some counselling from my work and I’ve also arranged to see the lady who was our celebrant Wednesday as she also helps people with grief.
I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt still, guilty I haven’t been a good mom the last few years to our kids as I’ve been so upset, guilty they have almost had to parent me the last few weeks, guilty that I’m here without him.
He knew what I was like and I’ve read through messages where I’ve said much the same and he would tell me off. Tell me I can’t help being me.
We were so happy it’s just so unfair I know he can’t come back I’m not delusional but it keeps hitting me every day that he isn’t coming back.
I know there are others on here that never got chance to say goodbye like we did or have many questions left unanswered which we were so lucky not to have although this gives me comfort it also makes me feel like I shouldn’t be so upset.
I am lucky enough not to be worried financially but again this is almost another thing I feel guilty about.
I tried to go back to work last week which was just still really, I do business development and can’t even imagine speaking to people professionally yet.
I’m just a mess but almost don’t wanna feel better as that will mean I’m getting over him.
I just don’t understand why it’s happened to us
Sorry for the ramble I just needed to get this out of my head
Hi, reading your message I can see how much you are hurting. The pain and distress must be immense for you.
Try not to feel so much guilt. Guilt is such a negative emotion and all it does it make you feel worse. Be kind to yourself and try to remember the good times.
I returned to work on Monday too. I am a Family Liaison Officer in a school and i help families everyday with their life problems so i know how you feel about talking to people professionally. I feel guilty that im not pulling my weight at work (see, i also feel guilty!) But i really cant be bothered with other people right now.
I guess we just need to take it one day at a time.
I keep thinking i dont want to be in this position. I am a widow at 58. I did not want to lose my beloved Steve and everyday is just a new ordeal.
Talking on here really helps and i hope we can continue to support each other xxx
@Jjacko
I’m 3 months into my grief journey & some days are pure raw grief & others not as bad. I have severe anger issues not only due to losing the Love of my life at only 51 years old but also strongly related to how my Anna’s parents and brothers treated her in her final couple of months that i need to get to grips with or i know they’re going to eat away at me as time passes. I had my first grief counselling session last week & the lady i spoke with is of the opinion that given the behaviour of my Wife’s family & the anger I’ve been left with as a result of that i could potentially be a ticking time bomb & that it’s imperative to try to release some of that anger. I had to start right at the beginning with the counsellor & re - live the whole story of what happened to my beloved Anna which i found profoundly upsetting, it left me with an immense feeling of sadness for the remainder of that day but it was the first time I’d recounted everything in such detail.
I have no idea how the counsellor intends to relieve this anger i have inside of me as nothing can change what my Wife’s family did but i have to continue to see what the outcome is, i believe it may take some time but I’m hopeful that counselling will help the way i feel going forward. As regards the way you are feeling Guilt is a quite common component of the grief process but it is good that you’ve taken up the offer of counselling.
Don’t feel the need to rush back to work or do anything you might not be ready for & see how the counselling goes. I like you keeping asking the question " Why us " but it’s one that can never be answered.
Take one day at a time & be kind to yourself.
Take care x
Derek.
Thank you for the reply and I’m glad you have spoken to someone
As for family !!! The only thing to me that’s remotely positive that’s come out of the whole loosing him is that I never have to speak to any of his family again, they aren’t nice people and luckily he thought the same. It’s funny as I have zero guilt there
I think as I’m seeing our celebrant for counselling should take away that having to explain everything again as she lived it with us.
Try and have a good week or the best you can, I just wish all these people that offer help could just take a little bit of the pain away for us