Hi,
I’m 27 and I’ve been caring for my father almost all my life. We as a family found out last year that he was diagnosed with brain cancer (Glioblastoma). Recently he showed signs of suffering from a TIA or a stroke and was admitted to hospital.
I’m the middle child of three of us. The oldest is known for his controlling nature (except to himself) and has been threatening me with his children as well as that of possible hell should I do anything in regards to wanting to keep myself safe in my own home by changing the locks due to historical abuse from said sibling.
My dad’s diognosis from day one was made a living nightmare by my older brother. Even now as my dad comes toward the end he is constantly threatening me with different outcomes. Telling me that I’m out of order for wanting to change the locks on a home that is not only in my dads name, but my own (Housing association)
My father has also been spying on me in terms of the cameras that we have in the house according to my older sibling. He has also told me that my mental wellbeing can wait and that my father comes first.
I have no family help at all and no one to help fight my corner. I’m truly frightened of him and I’m scared of answering the door every time the doorbell rings. I want to cut him out of my life completely but I’m also frightened of doing so given his controlling nature.
I’m honestly at my limit with all this.
Hello @Wornbrunette,
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. It sounds like you’re living in a really difficult situation. Thank you for so bravely reaching out.
Are you safe right now? If you feel like you are in danger, please call the police on 999.
I’m going to share a few resources with you - please do think about exploring them.
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Your housing association should be able to advise you on security. It is your home and you deserve to be safe.
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The National Centre for Domestic Violence has lots of resources on their website.
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One of the services offered by Refuge, a female adviser will listen to you in confidence, empower you to understand your options and support you in making decisions about the future. The adviser can help you find a refuge place or other specialist services.
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The free National Domestic Abuse Helpline is available 24 hours a day, all-year-round on: 0808 2000 247. Online chat is available Monday to Fridays, between 3pm and 6pm.
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The National Association for People Abused in Childhood also has lots of help and support on their website, including a helpline that you can call
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You also want to get support from Carers UK. You can call them on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm (including Bank Holidays).
or email them on advice@carersuk.org.
The Samaritans are always there to talk to, day or night. You can call them free on 116 123.
The community is here for you too. Please keep reaching out - you are not alone.
Seaneen
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Hi Seaneen,
I’ve just come back home from a visit to the hospital regarding my father. Sadly the tumor has grown more and they are giving him only weeks to live.
As safety for me my neighbour came with me. When we arrived my brother was already present beside my father.
I have come to find out that not only have they been spying on me with cameras in my own house, but they have also apparently had my Father issue a statement with the Police due to his assets. However, given that my dad’s speech is still hard to understand, I was unable to get the full story.
Before I left, my brother called out that he isn’t going to be seeing to my Fathers funeral and that I will be dealing with it.
We have also come to find out that he has had contact with my other neighbour finding out private information about myself with my social worker.
I have left a message with social services to update them as well as I have got in contact through a form online with the police just to see if I am able to find out if there is such a thing as a report upon me.
He also mentioned to my neighbour that apparently there is a safeguarding thing put in place at the hospital regarding me being left with my father unattended. No one at the front desk or over the phone when I called mentioned that I was unable to see him.
I have no support group other than a few neighbours. Other than that I am doing all this on my own. And now he is throwing threats around regarding the police.
I’m truly frightened both for what is to come and what he is capable of.
I’m so sorry your dad only has a few weeks left, @Wornbrunette. Please do call 999 if you don’t feel safe and need urgent help. Maybe call the numbers I listed above - they may be able to advise or put you in touch with additional support.
Take good care
Seaneen
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