Dealing with anniversaries and memories

It’s now 8 months since I lost my husband to cancer. I’d anticipated anniversaries being difficult. Even preparing for it, they’re still painful and there’s more to come.
What also hits me is if I’m watching a programme or listening to music we enjoyed together it hits me hard. It’s like a connection and a sorrow at the same time.
It would have been our 47th wedding anniversary this month. I feel heavy hearted. What I’ve decided to do is think of something to mark the day. Not sure what yet.


Hi Sue222
It’s been 18months for me since my husband died. I usually celebrate his birthday, our wedding anniversary, by getting something for the garden. Either a plant or garden ornament or lights. He loved lights, the garden was his favourite place to be and where I feel closest to him.
I still gets cards and put them in my memory box after the day.
The family have started a new tradition, the week nearest to his birthday in October half term week, all 11 of us go on holiday together, it’s lovely to share that time remembering him.
Every year on father’s day I donate for a tree to be planted in the national forest from all the family.
Now I’m in the process of asking our local council about donating a bench in his memory.
I hope you find something special for you, they will be forever in our hearts.


My wife died 5 months ago, one month short of our Golden Wedding Anniversary. We didn’t have a funeral, but a direct cremation, and then a celebration of her life, and our wedding anniversary. I booked a room at a local pub and 40 people turned up, and we had a buffet, music (I sang her favourite song) stories and memories. All supported by tears, laughter and many many hugs.
A memorable cathartic event.
We can’t repeat that, but some of our closest friends want us to have another get together on an annual basis. It will be a smaller event, though. I think I’ll celebrate all our anniversaries on that one date. To be honest, every day is an anniversary, so I wont really think about “special” days.
People have started worrying about how I will spend Xmas and wanting me to join them. For this year at least, I would rather spend my time with my own thoughts and tears in private, not at home, but on a trip to the coast with my dogs for a walk on the beach and/or cliffs.

And yes, I find music often sets me off as well, but I let the tears flow. She was worth it! In fact I might take my guitar at Xmas, and sing “her” song on the beach (I’ve just thought of that!!)

I just remembered something else: Do you remember that detective TV programme, where three retired coppers were brought out of retirement to solve old cases, starring James Bolam. His character had lost his wife and he had built a little display of lights in his lawn and he often went there to talk to his wife (Mary). As you have already thought, create some light display in the garden where you can go, make sure you have a seat so you can sit comfortably and talk to him, whenever you feel the need?

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