Dealing with husbands estate

A month ago i lost my Rob and dealing with his estate has been one total banging headache. You sit on the phone for an hour listening to the dreariest of music only to be told that all the lines are busy and no one is available to talk right now . When dealing with an estate of a loved one you find yourself going over and over events and getting upset EVERYTIME . Whilst they are sympathetic on the other end it doesn’t really help when hour after hour there’s no one to speak to at the other end . A month later and I still don’t feel I have been able to grieve properly because of having to sit endless hours on the phone .

Dear Kazzer,
I wished there was more help available for people like you dealing with your late husband’s estate. Having to make all those frustrating calls must take a lot of energy which when you are grieving s something that is in short supply, because grieving itself takes up a lot of energy. Is there any way you could maybe sort some things out by sending e-mails or letters? Or is there a family member of friend that could help, even just holding the phone until someone responds? I remember how much had to be sorted after my parents died, but we had a very helpful funeral director and my brother in law was very good at doing all the admin stuff. I suppose that some things are more urgent than others and just have to be done. Not much I can say that is helpful, but just wanted to let you know I read your post and can understand how hard it must be for you.

Hi Kazzer, I’m deeply sorry for your loss, I understand how hard it is just now dealing with your late husband’s estate as I am going through the same thing as my husband passed suddenly 2 and a half months ago. Don’t worry about getting upset, it’s only natural, I burst into tears in the bank a few weeks ago while handing in documents such as will etc, to close accounts in his name only and move to mine. These things are sent to try us as they lost the paperwork and I had to go back in. I didn’t cry that time as I was angry. If I have learned anything it’s to do it at your own pace, don’t try to do everything at once. I have set myself a goal of 1 action per day to complete and you’re right you can be on the phone for up to an hour. I tried the online bereavement chat with one bank and it must have been a chat robot as the answers I was getting were ridiculous! Also things are taking so long to resolve in this current climate, so far 6 weeks and counting for bank accounts and 5 weeks and counting for life insurance. Be kind to yourself, take care and take time to grieve. I do hope you get everything sorted OK, I don’t know if I’ve been any help but feel free to reply and we can perhaps help each other through the estate finalising part as I have now started to put the less urgent stuff aside hoping to deal with it later!


0365 thank you for your support and words of encouragement. It’s his car that’s been the biggest hurdle. He worked 35 years for the NHS and bought himself a brand new car and well deserved it was too . The car is only 6 months old. Neither myself or our children can finance it so we have no alternative but to return it . To be honest I just want the car gone because every time I open my door for whatever reason it’s a constant reminder that Rob is no longer with me . I do feel today I have a glimps of light at the end of the tunnel though thank you again for your words and yes if we can support each other through these very difficult times there will be some good come out of it take care x

Jo64 thank you for reading my post and replying . At these times your head is a shed and as you say there are things that need to be done . The digest headache has been Robs car it’s a brand new one and I just want it gone as it’s on my drive and it’s a constant reminder he’s no longer with me, it was his pride and joy and every time we went in the car he would say “I love this car I’m so pleased I got it “ and every time I walk past it I hear him saying this and it just wrenches my heart stings so I need it gone to allow me to move forward

Hi. I am in the same position as you and need to sell my husband’s car, his pride and joy. What I did was contact my garage that I use and they told me what they would give me for it, a pathetic offer, so II then contacted my daughter’s garage and they offered me the price I had in mind. So, my advice is, don’t take the first price you are offered. I was disappointed with our garage as we had bought cars and petrol there was years. So much for being, as they said in their offer letter “valued and loyal customers”. Huh! So, shop around and good luck.

Hello to everyone. When Steve passed away I too did one thing every day and kept meticulous notes of who I had spoken to, sent death certificates to etc. I found it invaluable. I needed to find a sense of order in the turmoil of my mind. Fortunately My friend pointed me to the Bereavement Benefit, a lump sum and payments of £100 per month for 18 months. I had never heard of it before. I down loaded the form from GOV.UK and took it to the local offices. It as all done very efficiently. Please everyone, this is your right. It is not means tested . Please claim it.

You are so right about keeping notes… I was about to call an organisation I had already informed the other day! Most people have been helpful when I have finally got to speak to someone, but still waiting for contact from my husband’s pension provider and a couple of others. Sometimes it seems like I’ve been doing this for months then it dawns that it’s only been a matter of weeks. I’m trying to be kind to myself but it’s hard when you feel overwhelmed.

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I lost both my parents in the space of a year in January 18 and March 19. I am a Paralegal who specialises in administering estates and found my job my coping mechanism however I found my dads estate easier than my mums as I didn’t have to go through court process to change the titles of the property as it automatically went to my mum but when mum died I had to do all the work go to the banks, organise the funeral and it was definitely draining and more difficult than when I do my job which I have done for over 21 years. It is an emotional time for all the family and you just want closure and to move on and grieve without all the additional upset . You are doing a great Job writing things down and making notes is a good checklist and I do this still. It does get easier tho but from both sides of the fence so to speak I found it harder to do it from a personal level rather than professional xx

@Montague The benefit is not available to everyone so perhaps it’s best to clarify that. Thank you :butterfly: :broken_heart:


My husband died 4 months ago and I have been dealing with his estate. I work in finance so I thought it would be straight forward but no. Any company that has a “bereavement Team” Immediately puts me on anger level 4! They have one job to do and most companies can’t do even that. I could write a book on incompetent companies! Banks continually sending incorrect forms as I am trying to inherit my husband’s ISA, Company pensions requesting the same stuff. just awful. Rant over.


Mrs-v you have every right to rant , I know just how you feel . I had a company asking to speak to my husband after I had said he’s passed away suddenly and he still said “ is your husband with you “ I couldn’t believe what he was asking . So I do empathise with your frustration.

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With an isa re banks depending on each banks policy they have to close the current isa account and move it into another account then they should be able to transfer the funds to you as I done this with my dads when he died it just was transferred to my mum but it was used to top her own isa x

Thanks Steenymum, I want to make sure I inherit his ISA still in its tax wrapper, rather than the bank just transferring the money from his ISA into my bank account. That’s not the correct way! For example if I have maximised my ISA for this financial year and my spouse had for example £40,000 in his ISA as at the date of his death, I could legally have £60,000 in my ISA this financial year.

Nat West I hate you!

Yeah I deal with this as part of my job it’s an APS as it retains its tax free status. Some banks do not have this facility and will just close the ISA for the deceased person but I am sure it can be used to top up your own ISA in a way it doesn’t lose the tax free and you can benefit from the funds as if you had owned it jointly xx

I have filled a lot of these forms but haven’t ever come across one from the NatWest but have had other banks mainly RBS or Bank of Scotland etc hope you get things sorted out X

Please see a very useful thread ‘Have you tried to claim Bereavement Benefits’ in General Chat. I have bumped it back up to the top. Has lots of useful info and links.

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I am really at a loss about this. Didnt change the name of anything yet. The funeral for my husband is next week. I will check out this thread as not sure how I can survive on one wage now or if we had life insurance (I think I cancelled it to save money a year or so ago but need to check, if I do have it it is a minimal amount as we only took it to please the mortgage saleswoman when trying to get this house). We started our mortgage 5 years ago for our first home. We had saved for more than 10 years for the deposit for this place. My mum is helping me pay for the funeral. If anyone has links to useful tips or links that would help so I will read in coming weeks. Thanks.

Have you applied for the bereavement support payment? It is not means tested and you get a lump sum of around £2,000 then £100 a month for 18 months. You can apply on the government website and it is pretty straight forward. It’s not a lot but it would help you out :+1:t2: x

When I rang the DWP to inform them of my husbands death, the lady I spoke to asked me for my Nat Insurance number as well and organised the benefit right away. I had no idea about it and it certainly helped.

Have you informed HMRC of your husband’s death yet? If he was paying tax, you should get a rebate.

Having said that, the taxman told me I was due a rebate for my late husband and then the next day told me he owed tax for the previous 2 years! Just broke even!!

Also, I think you can claim a bit of his State pension Entitlement if he died pre- retirement.