Thank you. It hurts so much. Sometimes i wish i could join her.X
Thank you for replying its a terrible time to go through. Cant see much of a future just now.xx
It’s just horrible x
Six - of course you’re still numb, and many of us have feelings of guilt and all of longing and emptiness. You’re only just at the start of the road. I found that I was hardly functioning until after the funeral. My girls and boys did pretty much everything, although I was there for the funeral arrangements.
I hope the funeral goes OK. Much love Marnee
1 Like
Sudden loss is so hard and heavy
2 Likes
Such a massive shock when it’s so sudden like that. 8 months on and I’m still trying to process it.
2 Likes
Dear All, when I started this thread it was because I felt so very alone and didn’t know anyone who’d gone through the trauma of sudden death, CPR and all the guilt that goes with it. I’m both comforted and saddened by how many of you have experienced the same. To all of you I send my wish that you will find a way through it. It’s such an overwhelming trauma to lose your other half in this way and 30 months on I’m still struggling. Even those closest to us, sons, daughters and best friends can’t understand the horror we’ve been through and I’ve finally realised I need help from professionals if I want to get my life meaningful again. I know it’s what my husband would want for me and so I’ve been back to my GP whose put me in touch with a counselling service. Of course there’s quite a wait until I can get help, but it’s something to cling onto. I don’t think we can ever forget the horrors we’ve been through, but maybe we can find a way to live with them.
If you’re still in the early stages of your traumatic loss I hope you’ll not spend so long as I have living my trauma every day and night. I thought it would get better with time but 2 and a half years later I’ve realised I can’t do it alone. So I guess my message to you all is that we’ve been through such an unatural, horrific experience that we need to seek help from those who know how to guide us. Please don’t be like me and wait so long. I’ve cried every day, spent so many hours uselessly going over and over what happened and felt so guilty at my failure to help my husband even though the Coroner told me nothing could have stopped his death. Well anyway, here I am now finally accepting I need help, but hoping that you will seek help and not live so long in the depths of despair. Love and wishes to you all that you can find comfort soon x
3 Likes
I have vicarious trauma due to the the loss of my grandad
The wind is back up again and it is getting pretty wild about there. I will be having an early night.
Hi I lost my husband 5 months ago to a massive heart attack one minute we were in bed chatting the next I thought he was having a seizure, I now know that was the start of the heart attack, next thing I’m doing CPR but I could see he was gone but the paramedics tried so hard too I then was in A&E resus when time was called and then had to take my two teenage children in to say goodbye to him. The whole experience has been awful and if it wasn’t for the kids I could gladly give up but I know that’s not what he would want. I think losing the love of your life in such a traumatic way will never leave us and the shock and disbelief of the trauma is added on top of the normal grief of losing your partner the way the shock feels like it is crushing you so hard in the beginning. That feeling does ease off and that’s when the waves of grief started for me, probably, after the first month the crushing pain in my chest eased more and allowed my brain to register more of what had actually happened I’ll be honest I don’t think we will ever get over losing our partners in such a sudden abrupt way but you do start to process it more the initial shock does ease sadly the grief does not but please take care of yourself as best you can xx
4 Likes
Apart from having teenage children as ours are older, this is exactly my experience too. In bed chatting then I thought that my husband was having a seizure but it turned out to be a heart attack. This time last year he was still here and life was normal. I still can’t get over how he could be so busy and active one minute then gone the next. Its so painful xx
2 Likes
I know I feel like everything has been completely wiped out for me I’m 46 and he was 57 he was so full of life and we had so many great plans and in an instant it’s all gone, I don’t even feel like me anymore and the future is too scary to think about without him. He died 5 days before our 22 wedding anniversary and we are having to experience all of our firsts without him so quickly which just compounds it all even more, think I’m on auto pilot for the kids, still feel numb don’t think I’ll ever be me again without him, just going through the motions of life. I guess we just need to take care of ourselves as best we can and I hope and pray he’s waiting for me when my time comes xx
2 Likes
I’m so sorry. 46 and 57 is so young to be torn apart in this way and only married 22 years too.
2 Likes
Your words ‘hope and pray that he’s waiting for me when my time comes’ resonates with me. The day before my husband died we were in Salisbury at my old college reunion. We got separated at one point ( he had a habit of wandering off to look at things) After going to a rather boring AGM it was such a relief for me to escape into the fresh air and sunshine outside, to find him sitting there on a seat in the Cathedral Close looking so handsome and relaxed, just waiting for me. I feel that, that is a sign of things to come.
2 Likes
I hope every day he’ll be waiting for me. My life too has just stopped. We had no children together so just me and the cat’s…that i got to keep me company . Its a Sunday afternoon, pouring with rain and iv absolutely nowhere to go or nothing to do. All my lovely friends have their own lives and families, so i can’t rely on them constantly. I’ve no idea what I’m meant to do any more 
…I never in a million years thought I’d end up like this. I just want him back… its a very lonely life now 
2 Likes
I believe in signs like that so I’m sure you will be xx
2 Likes
Me neither I know I’m lucky to still have my kids around for now but eventually that’ll change too, as it should. So when I feel more ready in the future I know I will need to look at maybe trying to pick a hobby or something to try and keep me going - I guess 
as I can’t imagine not having anything to keep my mind a little busy - it all just takes time I guess and I hope he is around sending me some guidance. Hope today wasn’t too painful take care xx
1 Like
Ally8, I pray for that too. My wife was a reader in the church, a Eucharistic Minister (serving the host and the wine) a member of the choir and a professed Franciscan in the Secular Franciscan Order. At the time she died on 17 November 2024, she was the minister of the local fraternity for the SFO and would have finished that role literally 2 hours later when the elections were taking place. She would have become the ‘formator’ - the person who trained all the people when they were seeking to join the order - a role she was superbly qualified for, and fully capable of fulfilling. So I just have to follow her absolute faith that we will meet again. Technically she remained the minister until last weekend, when the elections actually took place after they were postponed on the day she died.
About 20 years ago, my own mother was at death’s door after an operation. She was losing more blood than they could get into her, and when they operated again to try to stem the loss, they damaged her spleen so badly it had to also be removed. Somehow, my mum survived, and despite being completely unable to know what was happening, and what they did, was able to accurately tell us what went on. She told us she was watching it all from the corner of the operating theatre, where the two walls joined the ceiling of the room. She described the scene with frightening accuracy. She also told us about a tunnel of light down which she was initially travelling until she was turned back by someone or something.
True story - we were all just staggered at what she said.
Nigel xxx
3 Likes
I believe in what you have said my aunt had a similar experience after a heart attack, she saw my grandparents who said it was not her time and she had to go back she said she wanted to stay with them and the feeling was so amazing but next thing she she was watching herself being brought back, she has passed since with cancer but she had many more years with all of us and her family but one thing she always said was she had no fear of what came next when her time came and I really hope that’s true x I’m sure your wife has gone to a much more beautiful peaceful place well that’s my faith and I do hope it’s true x
2 Likes
Faith is believing in something you hope will be. None of know 100%, and it’s the beliefs we hold that are faith. I believe she’s now one of God’s angels. And that’s what her faith meant to her. Mary didn’t fear death at all, and she said to me the day she went into hospital, with what we thought was just a chest infection, that she felt she was dying.
Take care. Nigel xxx
3 Likes