My partner recently passed away on the 9th July in a motorbike accident at the age of 27.
I’m struggling to even come to terms with the fact that he has gone let alone continue living without him. We did everything together, joined at the hip and now I can’t even face going to the shop on my own.
At the age of 24, I never thought I would have to go through this, we had our while lives planned, had just saved enough for our house deposit and were looking for mortgages, planned our wedding and couldn’t wait to start our own family.
A part of me died with him, I have constant thoughts of wanting to join him, I don’t know how to live my life without him. I am riddled with guilt and regret. He is everywhere I go, everywhere I look. I don’t ever see me being able to live life properly again, we had too many plans, we loved to travel.
He had an empire to build, a world to travel, kids to raise and a happy life to live. I am left broken, lost, lonely, scared and have no idea what to do to make anything feel somewhat easier.
I’m so sorry for your loss. No words can make it better for you at this moment in time. All you can do is take one day / hour at a time. It’s so tragic that this has happened to you and that the future you both had planned Has disappeared.
I hope that you find this site helpful and supportive as I have. Keep posting, write anything you like, share your thoughts, fears and sorrow and we will try to be here for you.
God your post breaks my heart and trust me I understand your grief at this time as I lost my husband in September 2020 in a motorbike accident. Older than your partner having just turned 60 but I understand the impact of the sudden loss, the pain, the shock, the tragedy and not being able to say goodbye. On top of all this there is the investigation and subsequent inquest. We were only 4 months from our retirement and had all our grand plans in front of us.
You will still be in shock and are likely to be for quite a while. Take all the support you can get. I had a family friend deal with certain things like the insurance company etc. There is a dedicated support group called BRAKE perhaps when ready you could give them a call.
I am so so sorry I really am. Private message me if you feel able.
Dear @Gemma8
My heart goes out to you, to lose someone you love when you are just starting to live your plans is a tragedy. I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my first love in the same circumstances - horrible motorbike accident when I was just 17 & he was the same age. So wrapped up in grief and being so young, I barely gave a thought to my dear aunt who said, “you are young, you will meet someone else & will ,find love again. You will never forget your love but you will find someone. Think of his poor mother who will never ever get over the loss of her only son”
Two years later I met the guy I would spend the next 42 years with & I still love him so much. He died of covid in January this year. I am so glad I I loved and was loved by two remarkable & beautiful guys. What a wonderful life I had after I thought my life had ended. Now I know what torment and real depression looks like. I will never be anyone’s love or priority at 62. My existence is just that, it’s not life, everything is so pointless now without my husband.
I was so sad to read your message and can’t begin to imagine the shock, trauma and outright robbery of your life and future. My husband passed away very suddenly three months ago. I am still reeling at the shock and loss of our futures. But we had 26 years together and I still have two beautiful children. I’ve spoken to a couple of friends and colleagues who lost their fiances and spouses at a much younger stage, similar to you, and it is life changing in a completely different way.
The one thought I wanted to offer - from someone who is now three months down - is that your loss is very recent. Please be kind to yourself. At the equivalent point in terms of time, I was still profoundly in shock - going through the motions of many things and occasionally sounding coherent - but in retrospect trying to find the fastest way through something that takes a very long time. It’s still taking that time, but I do feel it in different. For example, I have just this week started to sleep most of a night and to function at work most (but by no means all) of a day. I’m still refusing to use words and phrases like ‘better’ or ‘getting over it’; it is all about one foot in front of the other in a world which turned overnight from technicolour to grey. However, telling myself over and over that it is right to feel ‘not ok’ and that I need to slow down is helpful, in a way.