Aww Kate Skye looks great.Look at her lording it on the chair like she’s overseeing everything in the room.
Going to the mountains is the best thing ever.
I have decided I am going to make my own Christmas crackers as a new tradition and even one for mum. I am going to use your idea of putting fairy lights in hers then put them into her pots outside. Am also going to start a tradition of buying some Spring bulbs for the garden as I have already seen them in the shops . I think planting bulbs now that will give the garden done colour in a few months will be so worth it and it’s like a sign of new life. My mum loved buying bulbs to plant so it will be just so appropriate.
I am also going to hang a wreath which will be known as mum’s wreath on the outside of the patio door here at my house as we hung one last year at mums. Will hang it on the 30th when she passed away.
I will do a cracker surprise Afternoon Tea or a buffet on Boxing Day. Will get something like miniature bottles of Bailey’s and a voucher and make a truffle or something for each one. Or a silly bar of chocolate of some kind.
Or even go to watch a Boxing Day swim somewhere as we have never done that and take a picnic with us for the car. See how I said watch lol. Would never do It myself lol.
I am struggling to be anywhere that I see families being so happy at Christmas time so dont really want to go into restaurants. It is so difficult isn’t it just to organise or even think about a day out.
Love Deb x
Deb all those ideas sound lovely. I love the idea of the cracker afternoon tea and fairy lights too. That wreath is beautiful, and as your mum passed over the Christmas period it’s a lovely idea to hang it on the anniversary. A very sweet tribute to your dear mum.
It’s so true: it’s all about trying to create new traditions that will live alongside the old ones. Our mums will be proud of us for pushing through and trying to make Christmas joyous again as they made it for us our whole lives.
Lots of love to you all.
K xxxx
Oh Skye looks adorable. She looks quite the grown pup now bless her. She’s Christmassy anyway without the cute collar but sat there, she makes the perfect Christmas decoration! I will definitely get over to meet her one of these days. The end of the year all went a bit pear shaped with my plans. I’m going to try and ‘live’ more next year. You don’t realise how vulnerable you are until something breaks your stride and you can’t pick yourself up like you used to.
Deb I love the wreath idea. I’m going to do that. I have a few bits and bobs from mum and dad that I will add. I’ll put mine up on Boxing Day as that’s when I list dad and although mum died in January, she went to hospital in Boxing Day and was never the same again. I feel like I lost them both on Boxing Day in that sense.
I’m so looking forward to meeting you girls again and our new friends on here. How would we have managed without our friendship. It’s so unique as we all have such a strong connection in our grief without all of us having met. I think about you all a lot and you give me strength. If you can do it, so can I. You all mean the world to me. Sending you all love and gratitude Hxxx
Hi Helen,
I love the card.
I am going to get one too.
I bought a pack of crackers to make. And some miniature bottles of Bailey’s. Need to get some other small things that will fit into them.
My mind keeps going back to two years ago. Every day I have images in my head of poor mum being so ill. Of me frantically trying to get her better. Willing her to keep going and not give up. It’s so heartbreaking isn’t it?
Looking back is still so traumatic for me.
I am going to try do hard to start living more next year. I don’t know how I will manage it though but at least I realise I have to so that’s a good enough start for now. It’s one thing saying it but another doing it.
I need to do lots of work in my house as we put everything on hold when mum became ill and we haven’t restarted. Couldn’t face making decisions,having tradesmen here,choosing paints, doors, flooring and all that sort of stuff.
I just about managed to make decisions about the garden last year and that was enough hassle.
Are you all the same? I feel sometimes I have lost my confidence in making decisions which sounds mad I know.
Got to change next year.
Love to everyone x
Deb x
@seychelles thank you for the offer of a meet up really appreciate it. If you’re in the diff give me a shout - although part of me is worried we won’t get on real life (im a pessimist). Get how difficult it is to make a decision- my brain’s shut down. Had a haircut recently she asked me how i wanted my fringe i said right now i don’t care of you shave it all off. Luckily I’ve known my hairdresser since we were in primary school together - i trust her!
I’m exactly the same Deb and Gill, lack of confidence in myself and my decisions, lack of caring for myself. I go through phases of trying to pull myself together; ‘I’m going to get fitter, I’m going to eat better, I’m going to do more fun stuff’ etc etc but the slightest hiccup and I’m unmotivated again. It’s like any of life’s little knocks that used to just wash off me before, seem to have a greater impact. I’ve learnt it’s good to have goals but not to beat myself up if I don’t quite get there. Our road to recovery isn’t linear and we will sometimes take a step back but the general trend is going in the right direction.
A friend of mine who lost her lovely mum and dad told me early on, there will be a point where I will be ‘at peace’ with the loss. I have experienced this briefly and it does feel good but then my mind starts wandering to ‘why didn’t we spot mum was ill sooner, why did she have to get cancer when she was so well, could we have taken better care of dad?’ Etc. I don’t torture myself with these thoughts, as I know it is normal to feel like this but it does mean I’m not at peace fully with it yet.
Milliebobs, we were all the same. It’s such a special bond on here, it crossed my mind that if we meet and don’t get on, will it ruin what we have on this forum? I can 100% guarantee that won’t happen! For starters, myself, Deb and Kate have all met up. Within about half an hour of us meeting we couldn’t shut up. We met at 12 and I’d told my husband I’d be home probably around 6pm. None of us wanted to leave and our husbands ended up joining us! We left at 10pm reluctantly as I had to get the last train home. It’s a unique friendship. We’d love you to tell us about your mum and we can talk about ours. You can’t do it the same on here. We already have a talking point so there you go. Don’t worry. If you can’t meet this time, there will be other times but we’d love to see you xx
Deb that’s great news that Glyn has a date for completion. Your mum will be so pleased and also that some of her money went to help her precious grandson who she loved so much. I’m glad there is some good news for you all at this otherwise difficult time. A little bit of positivity in all this sadness
Kate, are you going to the mountains? Have you decided? It sounds lovely. I wanted to do something just to escape but with James coming home I’m making an effort here at home. I actually feel better than I thought. Boxing Day is ‘the day’ for me. I’m working on Christmas Eve but then have a full week off. Lots of nice walks and family time. City are at home on Boxing Day so at least that will occupy my mind.
Lots of love to you all Hxx
Hi Milliemobs and Everyone,
I will definitely let you know when I am up in Cardiff and we can meet for a coffee somewhere.
Don’t worry I am easy going and when Kate Helen and I met up we talked for hours and hours about everything but especially about our mum’s. We cried also but that was ok. It was strange walking into the Cathedral where we decided to meet as it was like the long lost family TV programme and as I entered the cathedral I felt I wanted to cry with my nerves. However once I saw Helen and Kate all my nerves disappeared as it felt I had known them all of my life.
And when we went for a drink in a pretty old quaint pub guess what? The song we had played at mums funeral came on Lewis Capaldi singing Pointless. Omg it was a sign for sure from mum saying well done on meeting Kate and Helen.It was reassuring to know that Helen and Kate felt exactly how I did. No one had to explain because we knew exactly how each other felt.
So I please don’t think we won’t get on because we have already bonded and become friends on here. Grief has brought us all together and thankfully we all found Sue Ryder.
See how you feel by the time we meet and if you feel up to it you are welcome to join us. It’s a long way off yet. But we will meet in Cardiff for sure even if it’s just for an hour or so.
Helen I am do glad you feel the same about us our confidence. I actually feel better after reading your post. I thought I was just getting old and couldn’t be bothered and that the grief had won. The first thing I am going to do is make a new year’s resolution to sort my appearance out and spend more time on looking smarter, younger and making time for myself. Sounds daft as I am retired now but I really need to look nicer.
Hope everyone else is okish
Keep going girls. We are stronger than what we think and we will get through Xmas x
Love Deb x
Hi all, It’s always so heartening to read everything you all write. We are all so open with how we feel, it gives me so much reassurance that I’m not on my own on this journey. It’s true that my mum made me feel whole, and my heart tries to fill that space, but can’t, but I know am not alone with this now.
My mum wasn’t a massive Christmas fan, maybe it wasn’t great when she was little or something? But she always made it really special for us, like when we were wee with Santa and wanting to see us happy, even now, I can see her face in my mind. The decorations too. It was a happy time. I think this year might be easier for me and dad than last year. I was a mess last year on christmas day and my dad had to get my auntie round to speak to me as I was so upset he wasn’t sure what to do. I feel better able to cope this year, but for sure, knowing your all out there and we are getting through it together helps. I remember my auntie saying that it just feels wrong they’re not there on these occasions, and it’s so true, that space at the table breaks my heart, but maybe I can find some new tradition that she’d have enjoyed.
Mum loved “the holiday” the film. Me and dad watched it last year and he had a wee cry, so we might do that, and we’ll need to go see her too. I’d like to bring her warm socks, as her feet were always cold. So I’ll wrap a parcel up.
It is so good to have a plan for March, Manchester would be exciting for me, a different city, and to finally meet you all, something to plan for! xxx Thinking of you all. Gill xxx
Hi Gill,
Oh my gosh I love The Holiday film and watched it with my mum so many times.its magical and I loved the cottage. I read that they built the cottage just to film in it and destroyed it afterwards which made me feel so sad as I really thought it actually existed.
I know how you feel about Xmas. This year I am putting a photo of mum on the chair at the table and making a cracker for her. People hearing me saying I am going to do that may think it’s strange but I don’t care. If it helps me just a little bit it can only be a good thing.
Yes it will be wonderful to meet up. Am looking forward to meeting you. Wil look for a hotel in the new year. Not sure if I am driving there or going on the train yet.
It will be lovely to start the new year knowing there’s something nice to look forward to.
And do exciting you and Lucy are joining us thus time and possibly Jules and Milliemobs too if she feels up to it by then.
If I have missed anyone else out please feel free to join us.
What have you been up to Gill?
Any snow with you ?
Are you still in your walking group?
So glad you find out group helpful. We all have to grab the tiniest bit of help. Just reading what others post helps me do much. Sometimes I can’t put into words what I want to say then someone posts something and I think that’s it that’s exactly what I meant to write. So it’s wonderful to know I am not losing my marbles.
Keep going Gill. You have come such a long way. There’s still a long journey ahead of us but together we can get through it somehow. Just knowing someone reads our posts and replies is often enough to cheer us up for a while.
Sending you lots of love x
Deb x
Hi Jules,
Am a little worried about you as haven’t heard from you in a while. I know you are going through a tough time but just want you to know I am thinking of you and the girls are. We are here for you ok so please post when you feel up to it.
We miss you on here x
Deb x
Hi everyone my name is sarah milliemobs is what i call one of my cats. Seychelles watched the holiday last night. Was devastated to find out the cottage wasn’t real. Been a bad weekend for me don’t know why but been v emotional. sobbing in asda’s car park no idea why.
Hi Sarah,
The grief will come over you at any time. I remember having a trolley full of shopping in Tesco and burst into tears when i had memories of myself and mum shopping in Tesco. One of the assistants noticed me thank goodness and said I could use teh changing room for a while.
Its such early days for you so everything will trigger you even more.
I know the cottage in the film was so so lovely and they should have left it as people would have flocked there to see it. I know I would have.
Will check on you later
Deborah x
Hello all, and thank you Deborah for thinking of me; is really lovely. I have been struggling tbh but losing myself in work etc. Probate now applied for and sorting through my old childhood home is tough. The tears come at the strangest of moments and this time of year is extra hard. But, taking comfort in the Christmas decorations and celebrations and trying to be happy for the rest of my family. I have been dipping in and out of everybody’s messages and take comfort we are all in the same storm but on different ships. Will be in touch soon x
Hi Jules,
So glad you have posted. Was getting worried about you.
It’s a tough time with the house.
Keep going because you are progressing even if you don’t think so. Every day you will something else done and no matter how small its a huge step forward.
Yes you are right it is a storm for sure.
Post when you feel up to it x
Deb x
Just thought I’d check in on you all. Hope you are managing in the lead up to Christmas Day. It’s tough isn’t it and I find the tears are just below the surface. Hearing the songs on the radio and my phone keeps flashing random memories of past Christmases: getting the flight home, going to the panto or a country pub …. it’s so painful.
We are on our way to the mountains until Friday. Snow is forecast from today until Boxing Day so that will make a change to see a White Christmas in a very different setting. Of course I so wish we were heading back to Gloucester, but new memories need to be made I guess. I’ve packed a mini Christmas tree to put in our room just like mum did when we spent Christmas in Austria one year. She’d love that I’m sure.
My dear friends, I’m sending you all the season’s greetings and hope you all can have a peaceful Christmas.
For the new members, just remember it’s really only one day to get through whichever way you can. Take care and don’t put any pressure on yourselves.
Remember this is a safe place where you can pop in to express your feelings in these difficult days. We are all feeling the same and we do understand.
Thinking of you all and sending much love.
K xxxx
Hi Kate,
It will be lovely to see all the snow and make memories of a different type of Xmas. Enjoy as much as you can.
I have had some strange things happen here today and yesterday . Will post later about them. Some to do with lights again.
Hope everyone else is okish
Deb x
Hi Girls,
Just noticed that the Sue Ryder team have put the link to our thread as its a very supportive thread.
Isnt that wonderful to think we are helping other people on here
Deb x
