Hi. Lost my husband of 35 years in October. We were unbelievably close. Worked together at same firm for nearly 20 years. He was 55yrs old when he died after emergency surgery following a heart attack. My last living memory of him is his face contorted in fear and terror before going for surgery. It haunts me every day and night. I get flashbacks during the day. Each time giving me pain in the chest which is unbearable, and I feel myself falling apart more each time. I can’t take much more . I saw a mental health nurse today, this was the first real help I’ve received as struggling to find somewhere local I can actually talk to someone dealing with bereavement. Into my 2nd week back at work and tbh struggling but frightened. Feel like I can’t really speak to my manager about how I feel, or ask about what I can actually cope with.
Hi. I’m so sorry for your loss and the way it happened. 
It’s understandable that you have flashbacks and it must be really hard to cope with them. Good that you’ve been in contact with a mental health nurse now, I hope she can help you find a counsellor to talk to, preferably someone with trauma experience, if that’s possible. Could you speak with your GP about your work? Maybe he/she can arrange for you to have some more time off or work fewer hours? Sending hugs. 
Thankyou. The nurse has not referred me to a specialist counsellor but referred me to yourselves and Cruze who i have contacted before and they suggested I call the Samaritans. I have been prescribed some medication which has yet to be dispensed, and will be followed up by a GP in 2 weeks, and the nurse in 4 weeks. I’ve tried attending a bereavement support group, but on arrival of the ‘craft’ person, any talk of actual bereavement stopped and I felt what was on offer was not what I actually needed. I just really need to speak to someone who knows what they’re talking about.
MrsBean, I am sorry that you are now on this crap path. My wife had just started chemotherapy and collapsed the night after they had taken the pump off for the first time. I had to do cpr till the Ambulance arrived. When I got to the hospital, they had not closed the curtains, so I saw them working on her,the machines keeping her heart going, the blood the tubes.. I got ushered into a small room. I got told her heart had stopped at least twice and with the cancer they didn’t know what she would be like. I think they had made up their minds, but I still had to say let her go. I sat with her as they turned off the machines. 10 months on I still have flashbacks and ever Friday night, I relive that night. I have had some counselling, but that helped a little, but not with the trauma, they have talked about me seeing a ptsd specialist.
If you have a local hospice see if they do counselling, or try asking your doctor again. Please look after yourself.
I’ll try going back to my GP and as for specific help again. They believe the medication will enable me to feel less anxious and then be able to cope with the trauma side.
They tend to rely on medication, but it takes a while for the pills to work if it’s anti-depressants and trauma isn’t always easy to tackle on your own even with meds, so yes, do go back and ask for more specific help. You’re quite right in wanting to speak to someone who knows what they are talking about. I know there are private counsellors who specialises in trauma, but that’s expensive, of course.
This forum is a great, reading about other’s experiences can make you feel less alone and people generally don’t mind if you jump in the conversation in one of the longer, ongoing threads, so don’t hesitate to do that.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Hi @Nightwish1 . I lost my wife, and was left with unresolved Traumas. It was only when I realised it fell into the category of PTSD, did I find a way forward. I had a couple of issues, which my mind tried to rationalize, but without a time machine there was no way it could do that. So my subconcious kept digging out the memories I didn’t want, caused some wonderful recurrent nightmares, but couldnt resolved the issues. For me, the way forward was to enrol witha “proper” Mindfulness coach, who along the way helped me to be “self Compassionate” and therein lay the solution. I still occasionally remember what caused my PTSD, but they hold no terrors for me any more. I hope this helps. If you need further help, please ask. Good Luck!
Thank you tykey.
I’ll have a look at that.