deano

Hi everyone i am new to this but i have read lots off post and they all mirror my own feelings ,my Dennis died in april and i have felt so lost and alone dispite having a lovely family ,but this week i have been worse than ever criying none stop just wondering if its ever ever going to get to a stage where it bearable thanks

Hi Teresa,
I am so sorry to read all of this. I think It is still too early for you to feel as though things should be getting better.
Someone, a doctor no less, told me with a straight face that the “normal” grieving period is 6 months??? I thought…Oh yes you have obviously never lost anyone close to you.
Take your time…the old cliché of a day at a time seems appropriate. Today awful…may feel like that for a while then you may get the odd moment of ease. Sorry for stating the obvious. You probably know this.
Are you sleeping OK?
Take good care
Regards
Dave

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Hello Teresa

My name is Alan and I lost Helen, my wife, some 11 weeks ago - we were married for 46 years. So sorry to hear that your grief is feeling worse some 6 months on. The strength of your loss shows the strength of your love, the love that you gave your Dennis and the love that he gave you. That love you still have and will never lose. And there is the impact that he had on your family and on friends that lives on too.

Whilst every day can seem like an eternity perhaps 6 months on is such a short time when you think of the 48 years you had with Dennis. I’m glad that you have a lovely family but perhaps some counselling may help - if you’ve tried and it failed perhaps a different sort would be worth a try, perhaps there are some bereavement groups you could join and just dip in and out of when it suits you.

I think a number of us on this site see all this a bit like a journey, one we never intended to take and one that has no fixed end. But we are not alone on it, we can share and care with each other, you have your family, and I am sure you will feel Dennis with you. I feel I have Helen with me and every day I say sorry for the things I did wrong and the things I didn’t do but also say thank you for what she did for me and the good times.

Take good care of yourself, kind regards

Alan

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Dear Teresa,

I am new to the site too. My husband died suddenly on August 14th this year from a heart attack, he had just been for a run! I still can not believe it and find myself saying Oh no to myself. I too have a supportive family and two Grandsons who are so sweet. My youngest Grandson gave me his favorite toy rabbit to keep me company and that made me cry. I live in Doncaster, but since Kevin died I have been staying with my sister in Hampshire. I went back to the house a few weeks ago and it was so sad. But how to cope? I think at the beginning you just exist, not really living at all. I have tried reading self help books on grieving as at least by doing that I know that all the physical and emotional things I am feeling are normal even if they are unbearable sometimes. Also reading other peoples post helps me I do not feel so alone. I started counselling a few weeks ago as in the past talking has helped me and I can tell my counseller exactly how I feel as I do not want to freak my family out especially my daughter. Are you still able to read? That has saved my sanity.

I have good friends who are willing to listen and if you need to cry then cry it is a release and I always feel less tense afterwards. Do what you want when you want to grieve in your own time, don’t let others push you. Be kind to yourself. I was with Kevin for 28 years and if you love someone then you grive for them, for what could have been and for yourself as you like me have to start again and it is very frightening.

Grief is like a rollercoaster for me one day a bit better then down again, if you accept this then it helps. Take all the help offered, I have found people do like to help and support you.

I am not taking any big decisions until I am ready. I also go to a support group once a month which has helped, are there any support groups near you?

I feel so much for you Teresa and wish I could give you a hug. Just please message me at anytime and you are not alone.

Love Anniexx

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Hello Annie, forgive me for coming in on your conversation. I too lost my Husband to Heart Attack, Heart Failure resulting from an earlier heart attack to be precise. This was 7 weeks ago. Shortly after I went to stay with family 25 miles away and know only too well the feelings experienced when you go back to the house to visit. It’s horrifically difficult and sad. It’s the little things like someone else parked in his ‘spot’ outside the house and walking into the kitchen knowing I won’t see him in the garden in his deckchair from the window. I doubt i will be able to return fully to our home. I think having left our home could impact negatively on the grieving process though as I am away from our own little ‘environment’ and not coming into daily contact with things and memories. If that makes sense. My body feels like lead with turmoil and my mind and heart feel as if they will burst. Like everyone else must feel I am sure. I am sincerely sorry for your loss and hope you have as much a peaceful evening as possible. Take care.

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Hello Teresademo
I lost my Husband Dennis to a heart condition 8 weeks today, nowhere near as long ago as you and it’s getting so, so much worse. It’s good you have lovely family but if you are like me sometimes you just feel so despairing you are beyond being comforted. I really hope you have had a better day or so since your posting and kindest wishes to you.

Hi Annie so so sorry for your loss ,i know how soul destroying it is walking into empty house no one there to kiss cuddle ,i live in Sheffield but stay most off the time at my daughters in spenny moor county burham ,when home i have good family and friends but as good as they all are this ack ,this longing and empty Ness never goes away ,as you say you cant tell your daughter how you really feel ,neither can i ,i feel ashamed off my self sometime as i have had fourty eight years off unconditional love some on her are younger than me and i feel so sorry for them thank for replying take care

Hi Alan i am so sorry for your loss ,thank you for repliying when your own grief must be so raw ,and thank you for your lovely words they have made me feel lots better ,i chat to my Dennis all the time as you do Helen it makes me feel better take care

Hello Helen i am so so sorry for you as you say sometimes the dispair is beyond comfort ,my bennis also died from heart conditions ,thank you for caring when you are so full off your own grief take care off your self

Hi David thank for your replie ,i did go to doc for sleeping pill as i cant sleep ,but all i got was it natural reactions when someone dies ,take care

Dear Teresa,

It is good that we can support each other as death is such a taboo subject in society. I have decided to sell the house and move back down South where I am from and my family are all down here. Kevin’s family were never close and his sister stopped speaking to Kevin after his mother’s death last December. Kevin died in the garden where we sat so happily in the Summer I just will not think about our little house in the same way again. You are so right it is the touch and cuddles I miss and his smell he was always so clean. Sometimes I feel what is the point, but could not say this to my family but I know you understand. Please Teresa don’t feel guilty, you are grieving for your husband and you were together for such a long time and you are feeling so much pain because you loved him so much. Grieving is hard enough so please don’t feel guilty as well. I know there are people in a worse position than me but that does not help and our grief is just as valid. I am sure like me before your husband died that you helped other people when you could but at the moment you must think of yourself.

As I said before message when you want and say what you want.

Take care

Anniexx

Dear Annie so nice to hear from you as its so difficult for people to understand what we are going throught as they have not yet experience it ,life goes on lots say and of course it does but for me i am living but i dont feel alive .i am so sorry about kevin ,i can full understand why your house will never feel the same again.i also feel on a regular basic what is the point . I am once again at my daughters ,when i am here i want to be at home and when at home i want to be here .i am glad that you are going to be near your family when you move its a big disision and not one made likely take care