Death abroad

My husband died in May 23 He went to visit his family abroad and died there . His family wanted him buried there I had very little choice due to a lot of complex reasons but to agree to it I could not attend the funeral due to health issues Now I am still trying to accept he has died Has anyone else been unable to attend their partner’s funeral or been unable to participate in the occasion at all.Any advice please on moving forward.


Hello @Stranger1 ,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.

Take good care,

Hi My husband died just 4 weeks ago
I feel for you and like you I also couldn’t attend my husband’s funeral as I came to the UK ahead of him, he was in New Zealand selling the house and sadly died, I did get to watch it via livestream but it was just so awful not being there, I think it makes the grieving process so much harder, so many what ifs and why’s, I truly feel your pain .and like you lots of complex reasons I couldn’t attend it all happens so fast over there which his children organised


Hi Steffers thanks for your kind response I was so sorry to hear you had lost your partner It sounded like you were planning a new life together somewhere . Devastating experience It’s difficult to talk to other people about it as their experiences seems so different from mine . I am still trying to accept he actually died I am struggling to find a way to make his death real I was not permitted by his family to makes real contribution to whole event and all my suggestions were rejected. I also had a live video of the funeral but that didn’t help much as it was so different to UK funerals. Did you have any opportunity to contribute to the ceremony.
I hope you are coping ok and wish you well

Hi Stranger1
They did ask for my input but didn’t follow my wishes, a song that was special to us never got played, New Zealand funerals are bizzare very unprofessional and with no feeling whatsoever, they had an open coffin which will haunt me for the rest of my life, it didn’t look like him at all, I was lucky enough to have my old employer read my eulogy, she said the whole thing was so unemotional and they never even dressed for the occasion, shorts t shirts and flip flops, and when the coffin was carried out they held it Ike it was a bag of shopping, not on shoulder with respect, I have actually saved it to a memory stick, whether I will watch it again I just don’t know, sending big hugs to you and so glad I found this site, I think it will help me immeasurably, take care :kissing_heart:

Thank you so much for your response it put my own experience into context completely I am so sorry they did not play the song you both loved People are very insensitive to the bereaved s feelings sometimes How do think your partner would have felt about the whole event.?
My husband s funeral was a very traditional African funeral His family are very religious Christians and wanted the full thing along side traditional Acholi dancing; drums ;singing the lot .100s of people attended for the food and drink most of whom did not even know him as he had lived in the UK for 40-50 years and was not a Christian . I felt totally detached from the event but my son and stepsons say that their Dad would have loved all the fuss so I have to accept that and try to let it go Blessings