Death anniversary

Coping with bereavement
1

Hello,

I lost my dad almost 2 years ago. Is it normal to feel anxious, angry, sad and irritable building up to his second death anniversary?
I have been feeling like this for at least 2 and half weeks and his death anniversary is 9th August.

My dad was my best friend, my rock.

Thanks for reading.

Lisa

2

@Lise1,

Totally normal.

I have just done the first anniversary of my Dad passing at the beginning of July and could feel all the emotions (first sub consciously) throughout June!

Some coping strategies you might find useful for the next couple of days and the 9th August

Plan ahead

If there’s a date you’re dreading, spend some time trying to work out in advance how you’d like to spend it. Maybe you’d like to stay home and watch your favourite films or perhaps you’d like to organise an event in their honour. It doesn’t matter how you spend the day but it’s important to do what’s right for you at the time.

Be flexible with others

The uncertainty and anxiety surrounding death may lead to fixed ideas and thinking. So it’s important to remember that people remember and forget those who have died in their own ways. It’s okay if people want to spend the day in different ways.

Find ways to remember them

As time passes, anniversaries and reminders can help us to begin to focus on happy memories of good times shared in the past.

Put your feelings into words

Journal and letter writing can help you organise your thoughts and memories. If you find yourself overwhelmed with grief after a reminder, writing down why can be really helpful.

Take care and the community is here for you. :blue_heart:

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3

@Lise1 I think anniversaries and the firsts without them are difficult for everyone. I lost my Dad just before Christmas and when Christmas day came it was harder than I thought. There’s no rules or time limit with grief

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4

@Heartbroken1937 This is great advice, thank you for sharing

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5

This site and talking is also very helpful. This is our new normal and it is just learning how to live differently. Knowing you are not alone does help. I think I might have gone mad other wise :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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6

Hello :wave:,

I am sorry to hear your loss :pensive: xx I am always here if you ever want to talk…

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7

Thank you for your kind words and advice.
On 9th August which is my dad’s anniversary I am going to go for a curry.
This is one of mine and my dad’s favourite meals to eat together and I will be going to the same Indian restaurant that we use to go together.
I am also going to write a letter to my dad and I am going to make peace with my mum as this is also something that my dad would have wanted.
Xxx

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8

@Lise1 I think those are all lovely ideas

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9

That sounds like such a great homage to a very important person. It is hard to stay positive and this time looming towards Mums anniversary has sent me back to some darker time. I was given the advice to bring myself back and ground myself with the present. What happened has passed and I did my best with all the love in the world.
Enjoy your celebration, any tears I shed will be tears of joy for having had such an amazing person in my life for soo many years :+1:

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10

Hi @Lise1,

Lovely ways to honour & celebrate your Dad’s life.
:crossed_fingers:everything works out with your Mum.

Enjoy your Indian on the 9th & take care.
:blue_heart:

PS. Don’t be surprised if the 10th is a difficult day, we can Psyche ourselves up to get through an anniversary but then can sometimes hit us the next day! :blue_heart:

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11

I agree with @Heartbroken1937 . I always do something new and challenging, such as abseiling, climbing a mountain, starting flute lessons. Anything to be proud of.
Next year, Im working on a microlight flite, but I need to lose a bit of weight first.
Try not to drift into it in fear., because what we think becomes our future (Buddha said that)

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