death brings thoughts

this is a follow up to the loss I suffered last week, of a dear family friend.

I am the type who calls the other friends, to bring them the news. I am the kind who offers sincere condolences, who calls and writes, who does what one should. (My dear departed mother, raised me this way.) But, now I feel like people are in two camps: there seem to be the very kind people vs. the people who are not so kind.
And, sometimes I feel that I am overly sensitive. But then I feel I am lucky to be one of the “good” ones. At least the dog loves me!
And, I also realize that I am not going to change who I am, to conform to others, who perhaps are harder. I have come to this realization that I am going to be the kind one, the one who cries, the one who helps, and the one who has compassion. I am older and wiser to be able to stand by myself, and that is a blessing. I no longer feel the need to seek acceptance.


Oh yes, just let each and everyone of us be that kind person even if the only one who loves me is my cat. Kind words and deeds are the right approach. Blessings to you. xx

Yes Berit. There are kind and not so kind people. The kind ones usually have empathy, the ability to enter into another’s suffering. They know what to say or do that is appropriate in the circumstances. The unkind ones just speak or act without thought.’ You will be OK in a month or two’. ‘Two years is too long to mourn’ and such silly and thoughtless remarks. But to be fair, most of them don’t know what to say and it would be better if they kept quiet. It’s also why we feel so deserted and as if no one cares. Death reminds all of us of our own mortality, and it’s a subject that is rarely discussed. ‘Oh no, that’s being morbid’. No it’s not, it’s being realistic! Of course to dwell on death is not healthy, but to see it for what it is, a part of life, then it may help when it comes. But most of us are so unprepared for such an awful shock. I doubt if when anyone is having a long illness and we know is going to die, makes much difference in the end to someone who experiences sudden death. It’s still a trauma and loss.
If your dog loves you then you must be a good person. Dogs are very discerning and don’t make friends easily.
At the same time, and as John Dunn said ‘no man is an island’. We do need each other, and rely on each other for love and comfort.
Take care and thanks for your post. John.

thanks Jonathan for the reply.

it is nice that you take the time to write, thoughtful things. the hamster wheel prevents people from really sitting down, anymore. I have to keep coming to the site, which I come to off and on, as I lost my good friend, and now I need the site again.

when one is experiencing. a loss, one does not feel like being with people, much.