I have found it difficult to accept my husband’s death because he died in an accident. At times I fear I am going mad. As it was an accident the police were involved, the coroner’s inquest is yet to come and there may be a court case. It has been 10 months and I have only just received his death certificate. All I can see ahead of me is a long road and I wonder if I will be able to cope with it. I never got to care for him and show him that end of life care and love. We never got to say the things to each other that couples might want to say in those last months and days. Everyone loses someone, but to lose them without any warning when they were fit and healthy, has been difficult for me to come to terms with. I would like to speak with others that have been through a similar experience.
I’m sorry that you have had to join this group as it signifies that you have lost someone special.
There are many on here that are dealing the sudden and unexpected loss.
I’m 21 weeks in from the sudden and unexpected death of my partner. Has had a massive cardiac failure on a bike ride while out with his mates one Sunday morning he was 49.
He was fit and healthy, probably the fittest he’d been for years, but said he felt faint and that was it, died instantly, no warning at all, just gone. I understand what you mean about not getting to say goodbye, not having the opportunity to say everything you wanted to say.
It’s not all raw and all consuming now and time definitely does some healing but you are also dealing with a lot of additional things and it must be so hard and stressful.
Keep posting on here, there’s always someone to listen, offer advise if you need it. Whatever you need, there’s always someone here to respond.
Hi
My husband’s death wasn’t an accident, however it was extremely unexpected and very sudden, we were married 45 yrs and the day he died started the same as any other got up had breakfast took dog out went to golf came home had lunch then went upstairs and just never came back down again, he must’ve felt something and lay on the bed and shut his eyes and just went to sleep, when I initially looked in on him he looked asleep then a realised he wasn’t breathing, that was 12 weeks ago we were given an initial cause of death as a blood clot to the heart but we need to wait another month to get the full written report of why he died, he was never ill or at the doctor’s he was 68 and very active and fit, my family and I think it was the vaccine that killed him but we will most likely never know 
@No-words I’m sorry for your loss. It must be so hard waiting 10 months just for the death certificate on top of everything else.
I lost my partner unexpectedly 21 weeks ago. It wasn’t an accident but a heart attack whilst at work. He was 57. I had only spoken to him an hour before he died. He was fit and well, we’d been talking about booking our next holiday which should have been this week.
The not saying goodbye is so hard to come to terms with. He wasn’t found for a few hours at work so I was advised not to go and see him in the chapel of rest either. I’m still struggling to accept he’s gone, even though I know he has.
You are right it is a long road we are all on but just take one day, or step, at a time. I find things are slightly easier now and the pain and sadness is not so intense.
I have found this forum a lifesaver. Just knowing others are experiencing similar feelings really helped and I hope you find it helpful too
Thank you for your replies and I am sorry for each person’s loss. In my case, I know roughly his injuries, of course I know what caused his death, but to have to sit and listen to it all in the Inquest bothers me. I have to go as next of kin, but I don’t really want to go…but that won’t be until next year as they seem to take about 2 years (where I live) before the Inquest. Also, the parties involved are not co-operating, and apparently they have the legal right to say nothing, which is dragging things out. I knew the day would come when I would have to go on holiday on my own, so I just forced the issue in May and went to London for a few days. It was good and bad of course. I have this overwhelming feeling of needing to get away…but you still have to come back. There isn’t really any bereavement groups, that I can find, that are not related in some way to losing a child or for a child losing a parent. This forum seemed to be somewhere for me and I hope it will be of help.
Hi @No-words. Im so sorry for your loss, 10 months for the death certificate and 2 years for the inquest is just horrendous.
I also lost my hubby suddenly and unexpectedly to a cardiac arrest whilst he was out on a walk not far from home. I never got to say the things i wanted to either and its so hard. Im not sure i’ll ever come to terms with that but im doing better now than i was, with the help of family, friends and this forum. Like others have said, baby steps, and there will be some steps back too, and talk to us on here. We understand what you are going through
Much love xx
Thank you skip. That’s exactly how I feel that I’ll never get over the way he died. I went for a walk today with a walking group, (first time). We were all women of course and out of four of us that were chatting, only one had a husband still alive. I’m suddenly part of a group of people, that I wasn’t a part of before (widows). But on the bright side the weather was good and we sat watching people swimming in the sea, enjoying themselves.
Hi @No-words. I’m so very sorry for your loss. My husband also died very suddenly and unexpectedly from acute cardiac failure on 10th November last year. We’d had a normal morning and we’d planned to go Christmas shopping that day after doing a hedgehog talk at an infant school. He came downstairs to make a phone call, I was 30 seconds behind him and I found him on the settee. The shock and disbelief are horrendous and it’s hard knowing we didn’t have time to say goodbye. The thing I’m struggling with lately is that he worked hard since leaving school and uni. We spent years bringing up our children and getting the house lovely. We only had 5 years retirement together and that was that. He was only 62 and should have had years to enjoy what he’d worked for. The unfairness is crippling. I’m feeling stronger these days and this forum has been a life line but the tears are never far away. I’m so glad you were able to go out for a walk and see people. Big cuddle to you. Jean x.
Thanks Jean8. Yes we were the same. Up until last year I had two jobs, full-time and a part-time in the evening. We struggled when the children were smaller like most people and now we were trying to get some savings to go on holidays when we felt like it etc. Of course when he died I wondered why I worked so much in the last few years. My husband was a hard working man for his family and was 55 when he died. Reading comments on this forum is of help.
Hi no-words,
My mother died in a road accident on Christmas Eve 1999. My father was driving and realistically was his fault. This was over 20 yrs ago. At the time I always thought what a waste of life dying in a car crash. Since then I have come to the conclusion that it may perhaps be quite a good way out of this world. My mums death was very quick as her aorta ruptured. I think this way out is much more preferable way, than spending , months, years, wasting away in agony like some poor souls do. Luckily I haven’t had to experience that personally, but know some who have ended that way.
@No-words I am so sorry that you have lost your husband. You must of suffered shock and numbness. Life is so unfair and cruel. I lost my husband suddenly at Christmas. I went to work on the Saturday and Sunday my son rang me to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. He was 53 years old.
He died of a massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism. Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and could of had another 25/30 years together. All our future plans and dreams have been robbed.
Take care
Big hugs xx
I have said to myself that he went quickly. He was so active, he would have hated not being able to do anything, stuck in a bed for the rest of his days. I felt as if I were the only one who had experienced a sudden death bereavement, it’s been an eye opener to realise many people have had the same sort of experience. I am ending this day much better than I started it. Thank you to everyone.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I am very recently bereaved of my partner whom was killed in a traffic collision, he was 26 years old. I have been informed that it can take up to three years to reach a criminal conviction as my partner was a passenger and trying not to become completely overwhelmed in the police process . As it stands, we are still awaiting the coroners report so I understand the frustration, confusion and all other emotions you are experiencing right now 
Sow, I’m so sorry to hear of your tragic loss, such a young person, how terrible. Yes, the thought of the police, the inquest and court process is totally overwhelming. It was a blow when the police told me the other parties have a legal right to say nothing, which as we know will only prolong the process. I hope you have family that can support you, I’m an only child so it’s different for me but my children have been a good support. My husband’s family are living their own lives and working etc which is natural of course. Take care and mind yourself.
I’m so sorry for all your losses. It’s amazing how many sudden deaths there are of people I’m their 50s and 60s. We had the inquest of my fiancé yesterday. I had the chance to go but did it on teams which I think was better for me and less stressful. @ No hope It’s so hard to have to wait so long. My partner died 5 months ago but it was clear what he died of and there was no one else involved.
It’s so devastating when a life is cut short.
I am trying to think of the times we had and be thankful. Of course that brings its own tears as there are so many triggers!!
Reading other peoples stories has helped me so much as I realise there are so many more people struggling with similar situations and loss.
Thankyou for sharing