My husband took his own life several months ago and I don’t know how to process it all. He was an eternal optimist, so this was totally unexpected. I found him, which was initially too traumatic for my brain to process. There were no goodbyes so no explanations. I then started to be told/learn things which I did not know about him. I feel he has robbed me of grieving for him cos I don’t know who he was anymore. Is there anyone else in a similar situation that could advise me as to how I begin to process this?
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Sweetie, I am so sorry that your husband took his own life and that you had to find him dead. It is unimaginable. It is okay to grieve the person you knew. What others have to say is of no matter. You knew him, you were his wife and you are grieving YOUR loss.
I am mad at the people who are trying to take you down even further. They could have kept whatever they had to say to themselves. Chances are it is highly exaggerated gossip. Block these people from your life.
Much love.
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Thank you xx
Hello Sweetie.
Yes, I have just experienced that too, on the 8 Oct, my husband took his life. I have PM’d you.
Hello @Sweetie2,
I can see that you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I am so sorry for the loss of your husband that brings you here.
I wanted to share some sources of support that might help you right now.
- Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide offer support to people over 18 who have been affected by suicide. They have a supportline on 0300 111 5065 and run support groups nationally.
- Support after Suicide has a list of local and national support.
You might also want to explore our Online Bereavement Support, where you find our Grief Guide self-help platform, our Grief Coach text support service, and how to access our Online Bereavement Counselling.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Abi
Hello!
I am new here and I am glad I found this place. My husband took his own life 9 months ago and still feel unreal. He had bipolar disorder but it was controlled over 20 years, the last 6 months of his life he got anxiety and depression and despite all of our efforts to get help, we couldn’t find it on time. He was the happiest person alive and wanted to live over 100 years, it’s outraging that the system failed him in such a way.
Thank you for creating sites like this to help others🙏🏻
I am so sorry for your loss. It’s so sad that your husband felt the only way he could be at peace was to take his own life. Life is just too hard sometimes. I hope you have a good support network around you. My family and friends have been amazing and incredibly understanding and supportive. I don’t think I could have coped without them. I think your husband was pretty amazing living with mental health issues for so long and very lucky to have you by his side.
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Just following your post as I’ve unexpectedly found myself in a similar situation. My husband and I had recently separated after nearly 30 years together. The split was my choice and he struggled with it. Everybody thought he was coping ok, he was going out with friends and dating again. He reached out to me asking to get back together a lot so I started ignoring his messages. On the night he took his own life he sent me messages and tried phoning while I was sleeping. I went straight to his house in the morning and found him. I’m still traumatised by this and think about it every night. I have 4 children who I had to explain all this to. We are all in a state of shock. It only happened 3 weeks ago, the funeral was yesterday. The police went through all his phones and when they gave them back to me I spent days scrolling through everything he’d said and done for the last few months. I found he had a really unhealthy obsession with the dating sites, he was on 7 and constantly receiving notifications. He had also done a DNA test on my youngest daughter even though he didn’t mention this to me. His life seemed completely chaotic and unusual for him. I can’t help thinking if I’d just stayed with him he’d still be here and the kids would still have a dad. I’m not sure I’ll ever get over the guilt of the situation.
I totally understand where you are coming from and I’m so sorry you had to find him. Losing someone close or someone who you were once close to is hard enough, but knowing they chose to take their own life is harder still. There are lots of what if’s and it’s only natural that we question ourselves wondering if we could have changed anything. You have to remember that you were once his wife but you were never his mother and his behaviour as a human being was not down to you. Please try not to feel guilty. It was his choice just as it was my husbands choice. I was very angry initially but now I’m just very hurt that he chose to leave us and disappointed that he felt he couldn’t talk/reach out to me/someone. There were no signs at all that he wanted to end his life. It has emerged as with your husband, that he had a side I didn’t know. I think my husband was a compulsive liar but not in a nasty way, he just couldn’t help himself. I have 3 boys and one thing I do know is that I need to keep it together for their sake. We are supporting each other. 
I really hope that one day you will find an inner calm. This was not your fault but it is very very sad but as they say, you can only help those who want to help themselves. Sending you a big hug.
Thanks for replying. I guess I just wanted to know that these feelings do get easier with time. I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling guilty but I need to be able to move on and be strong for my kids.
@Struggling3 Hello struggling, and so sorry you have ended up in this suicide club.
Many don’t quite appreciate the added complexities that we experience because of suicide. It is incredibly difficult. I hope you find some comfort on here, and I wish you the best.