@Keith68 iquite agree, you get the “if you want anything” speeches but when you do ask they are seen running down road with bums on fire. but its a different story when they want something. i have done exactly that and got rid of the people like it, including 2 of my daughters.
@Enorac i love your outlook, one i think we should all have. my dad opted to go to france in july 1944, had he gone with the original d day landings, he might have died also, he died in 1981 and i still miss him, he woukd have been 106 last week. i dont like gardening, all my presents are bought and wrapped, i have my lights out ready to go up and my hubby dave will get his card for xmas and will put it on his ashes in the hall, been 30 months and i still miss him as does my son, who lives here, we talk about him, we swear about him but we have moved on as no amount of grieving or crying is going ro bring him back. i watched the rememberance on tv sat and sun
Yes my son has all his Xmas presents wrapped ready early.
Me used to not now.
Today I went to a fellowship group. Someone said they walked to the end of the churchyard sat on the bench dedicated to my late husband and touched his headstone and said hello. The ginger cat dutifully still appears to anyone and sits on it next to them and brushes by. Symbolism really. He had half his leg amputated for nothing week before he died in a bid to safe his life and would have been incinerated. Wish I could have had those ashes. Then would have had a bit of him at home and a grave to visit with a headstone. People say I am weird just because I am different. Well so are we all - none so queer as folks as the saying goes.
I’m struggling with this massively myself. Those I considered my best friends haven’t been there for me at all. Whenever I speak of my dad or get emotional, it’s clear I make them feel awkward and the topic is swiftly changed or my messages just aren’t responded to. Never the space held to talk about him/keep his memory alive and that lack of acknowledgement is really crushing. Haven’t even had a simple “do you want to talk about what happened” or regular check-ins since he died in May. People act weirdly around death and whether it’s because they can’t relate or they’re fearful for the day something similar happens to them, I’m not sure. Either way, it’s very simple in my eyes to let it be known that you’re there for somebody. As difficult as it’s been I’ve had to distance myself from those who only want to be there for my “good bits”, even if they are friendships I’ve had since I was a kid. And when I find support/love in unexpected places, I’ve chosen to nurture those connections. I was feeling very lonely in my grief one day and I decided to go to a bookstore to find something on the topic - that search in itself truly encapsulated how much of a taboo death/grief still is. It took me 4 bookstores to find and even then, they only had 3 books on death/grief. I highly recommend Grief Works by Julia Samuel - it’s been a great comfort for me and has really validated my heavy emotions/the pace at which I’m grieving. Always here if you need a chat