Hi
Ever since I lost my mum I’ve always felt that I can’t talk about how i feel people just try to brush my feelings under the carpet. It doesn’t matter to these people I’m feeling all alone scared I’m going to lose my dad one day.
Surely we shouldn’t be made to feel lonely and scared and death can’t be talked about.
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You can always talk here Steven, when I lost my mom last year, even I tried to speak up but no one listened to me, I felt isolated and thought nobody cared about me, I had nightmares of other people in my family dying and my mind creating scenarios, You can talk here or even dm me I will be happy to talk to you, check on you everyday, trust me it will get better, when i lost my mum suddenly I went through a bad phase but now I feel much better and stronger and living for mom to be proud of me
Lots of people hate talking about it. My late husband didn’t like it.
But you can’t force people.
My brother doesn’t like talking about it.
It is tough when we want to.
I get their ideas foisted on me of I should do what they think. So it is helpful here
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People should talk about death it’s a part of life
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There are “death cafes” that run around the country where people get together and have open conversations abour death. Ive not been to one, tbey make it clear its not the same as a bereavement support group and i was a bit concerned it might be too triggering for me.
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I could face a death cafe
Just looked at death cafe. There doesn’t seem to be on Britain
There definitely are! The search feature isnt great - if i put in “england” it only comes up with a few, but if put in “london” all these came up. And even though it says anything in a 1000 mile radius, if i search for “birmingham” i get different results!
https://deathcafe.com/search/?location=London&deathcafe=deathcafe&distance=1000
Defo wouldn’t want to bother to go to a death cafe. But ITT
Really when I think about it I don’t want to go to a death cafe. I’ve gone through way too much losing my mum as it is. It’ll be talking with strangers I don’t think I could control my emotions I would just cry.
Would a bereavement support group maybe be more what you’re looking for? Where you can build up a connection with people in a similar situation who are happy to talk about their loss and dont brush those feelings under the carpet? Ive been going for nearly a year and eventually those people can become part of your friendship circle, so whilst i still have friends that i simply cant talk about my loss with, i also have people i know who totally get it.
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No bereavement groups don’t do it for me. I’m no good being with complete strangers talking about loss. My mum before I lost her always used to say to me grief is private and she was right always right.
But coming on here I can talk about how I feel it kind of feels private weird I know but this place does it for me everytime.
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Thats fine, everyones different in what works for them 
. It can be extremely difficult talking about feelings to friends/family because you make yourself vulnerable, and if they respond insensitively whilst those defences are down then its another layer of hurt to deal with! Thats why im selective with who i open up to now!
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Well i thought i could talk to hubby’s niece,she’s took the hump with me and doesn’t want to know.
There’s a saying when they want something from you they want to know you, when you want something they scarper and ain’t interested. I think you have to shut people out like that as they not really any good to you and will make you feel worse in the long term. You not going to heal with those type of people around you. Better to not have them in your life, one day they have to deal with death themselves as we all will.
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Steven
I feel same as you no good going and ending up crying.
Some people say it doesn’t matter if you cry but it matters to me just dealing with the fallout of others reactions. When my baby died years ago and I went to a group and touched in a sensitive topic I used to get a bad reaction for breaking down and was since turned off by it. I felt guilty for it and couldn’t help it so I didn’t want to attend then. Stayed with me forever how cruel it comes over. What they mean is do come but dont make us feel embarrassed by your over the top uncontrollable grief. What would be the point if all ended up sobbing? If you leave even worse if someone chases after you and forces you back for more post mortem agony.
I have had what was supposed to be helping me and all that happens is have to listen to their unresolved grief. It is very tricky. We are all different. At least when you write it no one has to read it.
That is so true.Thank you.
Hi
I just want to know how did I get to this point. What did I do to deserve losing my mum and not just the way I did. What did I do that was so bad she had to leave me.
This is cruel and torturous.
3 days to go to what would of been my mums birthday and over a month to November 24th 2016 she left me a day I hate with all my heart. 8 years. Someone tell me this isn’t real
Know how you feel,my mum passed 28 years ago,i still miss her as we were close the last 5 years of her life,i find mothers day and christmas still hard.
Remembering on Poppyday: Life is full of ups and downs and not what we deserve. The best of us sadly go. I used to think what did I do to deserve losing a baby who had no life at all (stillbirth) or what did he do? I was angry for ages and guilty. I thought why did a catalogue of things all work together to make it happen? Then thought why me? Then I thought why not me? Why should it be someone else? Took me years to forgive those I blamed and myself. That was a lifetime ago now. Since then both parents unfairly died and so did my husband. But they had a life. My eldest son hasnt had a nice life most of it being plagued with autistism. And lots of issues being a carer to my mum as a kid and my son. Being fostered as young kid. All sorts of unfairness. A few miracles I was surprised by joy a few times amongst huge sadness.
Treated badly unfairly.
I see people worse off than I am. Suppose I try to squeeze out what to be grateful for: Moments of joy. I bought myself a bunch of roses yesterday. A bunch of grapes. The cat hugged. The memories of two hours laughter with little grandchildren on Saturday. A lovely dog who came to say hello.
My 20 year old car passing the MOT again.
I decided she deserved a name so called her Olive Oil. My mum’s name because she is green.
Not green in sense of environmentally but she has a low mileage for her age. I think she deserves a polish. A bit of attention. Think will make a special wreath for the anniversary of the second year of my husband’s death next week. Plant some daffs in his grave and some more snowdrops in my baby’s.
It was Remembrance Sunday yesterday so sang in the choir. I didn’t stand in the rain by the outside service. My father wasn’t accepted for the RAF as he had to work as an engineer making planes. Had he been he would have died like his best friend and I or any of my family wouldn’t have been here at all. As the leaves fall off the tree I hunker down. Dig up the geraniums again to flower inside. Plant a few winter pansies. Fill up the brown bin with dead leaves and get out my winter clothes. The Christmas lights.
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