Death of mum

Nine months since mum’s passing, and I’ve started ruminating again over the Coroner’s Report, wanting EVERY single last question answered.

My friend recently took his dad’s Coroner’s Report to his dad’s GP, and is still left with unanswered questions.

When will I be able to stop looking for all the answers and accept that some might always remain unanswered?

I’m upset with myself because I’ve had months of grief therapy and thought I was done with ruminating over the Coroner’s Report, but here I go again and it’s torture.

Did anyone else experience this, and how did you cope with it?


Hello @Stanley2,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Sorry you’re struggling with this aspect of grief at the moment. It’s pure torture when you’re agonising over the details of a coroner’s report. I’ve certainly done it myself after the sudden death of my Mum. Eventually though you have to accept that nothing can be changed by constantly questioning what happened and why. The only way is forward and trying to live each day and manage the grief as best you can. Sending you condolences, take care xx

Thank you for your reply.

I was doing a lot better, and it seems to have crept back since we hit November, because it was this time last year that mum was in hospital and it was a horrendous time because we almost lost her twice.

She made it out of hospital in time for Christmas, which she spent with us, and the trigger is also with Christmas around the corner again and the prospect of her not being here. I’m normally so excited about Christmas, but this year I just feel dread :frowning: xx


Yes, I totally understand, it’s awful remembering those grim experiences. Maybe you’ll be able to find some comfort in also remembering that you’ve survived and made it through those harrowing days. Best wishes xx

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That’s really encouraging and true - thank you!

I’m told that, over time, the ruminating and pain lessens, which I need to remember too xx

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We have unanswered questions so I get what you’re feeling, my dad had a fall which caused a fractured skull & a catastrophic bleed on his brain. He was conscious when we got to the hospital & took a turn for the worse which at that point we were told there was nothing they could be done. We had a call with the consultant about many thing’s that I felt could have been handled better or faster but we were told that the outcome would’ve been the same. The hardest thing to deal with is the fact that we don’t know know why or how my dad fell, we know he didn’t try to break his fall as my cousin saw him go down, it’s heartbreaking not having a reason or an answer that caused the fall that killed him & I find think I can ever deal with that! So I completely understand how you’re feeling :cry:

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