I lost my dad 7 years ago when I was 17. He was only ill for 3 weeks and I only knew 4 hours before that his cancer was terminal and held his hand as he took his last breath. He was 68 so his other children we’re aged 40+. I believe they all knew he was dying but I didn’t. Him and my mum we’re separated and I lived miles away in care. I don’t know if he knew he was dying or if he was scared. It’s been 7 years this week and I still can’t get over it. I attempted to take my own life after his funeral and I still wish to this day that I had succeeded.
I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your dad when you were 17, and that you didn’t know he was dying until the last minute - it sounds as though you missed out on a chance to spend more time with him, and that is really sad.
I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
Did you get any counselling or mental health support after your suicide attempt? Do you have a crisis plan in place or any way to still access that support?
The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or email@example.com).
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, get in touch with one of these services.
If ever feel you are at risk of harming yourself again, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
I’ve also found a couple of other people on this site that I thought you might be able to relate to - perhaps you might find it helpful to read their experiences and maybe post a reply if you’d like to talk to them?