Death of only child

My son died suddenly last March and every day since his death I have to push all thoughts of him away as I feel The only way I can cope is to act as if he is still alive . I send him messages on Facebook and poems and talk to him in my head I know this isn’t right but I just dont know how to deal with it . I don’t discuss or talk about him to anyone else I just live in this private hell


Hi Scotsale,

I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your son, it sounds as though you miss him a great deal and I can tell that you’re in a lot of pain. I don’t think there is anything wrong with sending him messages or talking to him in your head. The loss of a child is a huge burden to bear and there is no right way to deal with it.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about your loss here. There are a few members of our community who have sadly also lost children, there is a group who is quite active who often post here: Loss of our son aged 27

If you feel up to it you could join them, or maybe just read through some of their experiences.

All the best,


You do whatever you want. My girls phone is full of messages I’ve sent. So is my sisters phone. I’ve sent pictures & videos. Laura was doing a tapathon for Roy Castle this year as a survivor but it wasn’t to be . They have given me a sight to tell her story. We all need to tell there stories if it’s only on here . Don’t ever stop for the worry of what people think xx thinking of you

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Hi scotsale lost my boy 25 to cancer found out jan was gone in april you do what ever helps i send messages to sam to . Its a living hell this is all so wrong come on here and say anythi ng you like thinking of you zoe x

I’m so sorry scotsale, what you have said is exactly the same as what I do, I don’t talk about my son Daniel as then it would make it real, I keep all the pain and heartache to myself, I message my son everyday on messenger as if Daniel was still here, like you it’s the only way I can cope, thinking that’s he’s on holiday and alive, I really can relate to what you are saying, Higgs helen

For the lovely messages you have sent me
I’m still sending my son messages on his Facebook page and posting photos of him
I now have no fear of dying myself or fear of anything nothing could ever be worse than losing him . I don’t know how I keep going but I do, day by day it’s almost a year since he died and he is still the first thing I think of every morning and for a few minutes I relive
The horror of knowing he has gone and that I will never see him again , but then I go to his Facebook page read his posts look at his photos and start another day

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Hi, it’s been over 2 years and I to send a message everyday, let Daniel know what’s going on each day, the same as you, it’s the first thing I think about when I wake up, I just miss Daniel so much, and even now it don’t seem real,I feel I have change as a person now, I see things differently, people that moan about little things, annoy me, I got 3 other children, and I worry sick that something is going to happen to 1 of them, life is so cruel, none of us should ever lose our children, hugs helen

I am so very sorry for your loss :broken_heart:
My only child was killed in a road accident nearly 7 years ago. I was in shock for months/ years and kept expecting her to turn up. I kept telling myself she was working away and was busy and just hadn’t had time to get in touch. It was how I dealt with the trauma and devastation. Everyone deals with grief differently, there is no right or wrong.

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ThankYou all for the lovely messages you have sent me , every day since my son died I have to keep my brain from accepting the truth that he has really gone and that I will never see him again , I still cannot face that reality and don’t want to think I ever will
Because how could I go on living ? What would the point of my life be ?
Can anyone ever live with that pain day after day ? At the moment I can’t
And wonder will I ever be able to accept my son’s death and would I still want to stay alive

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ThankYou you for replying to my post and for being so understanding I don’t speak of my son’s death to anyone as I feel it’s my loss
As his mother I feel guilty that I didn’t keep him safe he was 45 when he passed

I really feel the pain you are feeling , it’s when I’m on my own, the reality of it sinks in that Daniel is not with me anymore, even over 2 years it just don’t feel real that I’m not going to see him anymore, I’ve got 3 other children but the worry I keep inside me that something going to happen to one of them, it scares me to death, I just wish I could have one more day with Daniel to have hugged and tell him how much I loved him, even tho he new, life is so unfair, I would swop with a click of my finger for Daniel to still be here and was me instead

I just wanted to reach out and ask how you are doing? I know what a struggle it is to make sense of such horrific loss. I also know how hard it is in the early months/ years to put one foot in front of the other. Please message me if you need to ‘talk’ to someone who understands xx

Hi ThankYou
For sending me such a lovely message, isn’t it strange that total strangers can offer loving words of comfort when those closest to us stay silent . I know people don’t know what to say but sometimes I feel my son is never mentioned or spoken about almost as if he never existed to other people, it makes me so sad I feel like shouting out My Son Had a life as precious as any other , He may be out of sight but is never out of my mind .
So Thank you for reaching out to me it really
has helped me get through another day

If I helped you even a tiny bit that is good. No one can ever take this pain away but it does help to have someone who understands. I have made a couple of friends through The Compassionate Friends who have both lost their only child and I find it such a comfort to be able to talk freely with them about our children knowing that they are dealing with the same loss. Nobody else understands because how could they? X

Hi Sandi
Do you think compassionate friends would help ? I’ve not contacted any other helpline other than this one so I might look them up ThankYou for taking the time to reach out
And yes you did really help me x

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I contacted compassionate friends last week. They sent me a load of leaflets and they are going to find me a Grief Companion which I think might really help. Hope so! I sure need it at the mo

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It’s all about taking small steps. Not expecting too much of yourself. If it helps even a tiny bit that’s a step in the right direction :blush:

I was wondering if you had contacted Compassionatr Friends and been able to talk to someone about your loss?
I do think they help. It is a very lonely road that we walk and any sort of help that gives us strength to face another day is sometimes just what we need x

Hi yes I have contacted compassionate friends and they sent me some leaflets and I have been reading through all of them
I hope to be able to speak to someone soon
at the moment I’m finding it difficult to speak about my Son’s death in person without breaking down , then I feel so embarrassed
But hopefully soon I will be able to talk things over . ThankYou for your kind thoughts and for reaching out it means a lot

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Hi so sorry for you loss my only daughter passed away in October 21 I feel worse every day she was only 36 really need help but finding it hard to find it any advice please xx