My husband and his brother never saw eye to eye for reasons I don’t really know . My Rob passed away 12 weeks today and his brother has visited me twice to ask if I’m ok . My brother in law and I have discussed how much they both had in common and to cut a long story short , my brother in law has said if I ever want to go to a northern soul dance to let him know and he will come with me. Obviously when the lockdown rules are lifted . I just feel that to go to these venues with my brother in law that me and Rob went to is somewhat disrespectful towards my Rob and this is far from what I want to feel . As I said before they didn’t see eye to eye and I don’t know why but what I do know my Rob has been hurt emotionally as a child and found it hard and upsetting to talk about .
Hi Kazzer, this is a really hard one and I don’t know the answer…
On the one hand I want to advise you to snatch his hand off and go to the dance as I know from your other posts and discussions we have been in how much you have been wanting to go to the Northern soul dances you have so many happy memories of with your Rob and how nice it would be to have company.
Especially when that company probably is as close to your Rob as you could get without it being him (I hope that is not offensive, I just know that being with my husband’s brothers especially cheers me up as I see this facial expression of his or hear in the voice his way of speaking a certain thing, also with his sisters but with his brothers especially, maybe thats just me though and not saying it’s the same for you).
So it could sound very tempting I think and of course you should do anything that might give you some respite and fun.
The only thing I worry about is that afterwards you may forever have your beautiful memories with Rob at the dances tainted if for example it doesn’t go how you expect or if you start feeling guilty since he and Rob didn’t get on. Then it may not be worth it as that will cause you more pain.
Do you feel like you understand the motivation of Robs brother? I think this might make a difference because if you feel he is sorry for their rift and this is his way of trying to make it up to Rob that will negate guilt. However if you think his motivation may be something else that may require more consideration …
I am really stuck on this one. How bad was the divide between them, has his brother been very upset and regretful?
What does your gut tell you?
FleurDelis
The rift between them was very deep. Personally I’m not a big fan of his brother he not my kind of person . He’s not a bad man but he has an air of arrogance about him and the way he speaks sounds a bit harsh as if he’s always right.
I think his sole reason for saying he will go to a northern soul venue is purely because he likes this type of music and his wife doesn’t .
I just feel he wants to do what my Rob did but my gut feeling is not to go. I do have cousins who are into this music and a colleague so I have plenty of others to go with . You have no need to apologise for sounding negative and I have always respected your responses and than you for them