Hello everyone. I’m new here. My wonderful husband of sixty + years died on 3rd June. I’m having a hard time today. It’s very quiet here and it’s raining. I’ve managed to take my little dog for a walk and do a bit of ironing. But every small task is an effort. I know it’s an overused term, but my husband really was my soulmate. I relied on him for so much. I’ve never lived alone before and am finding it very hard. I have no siblings left so am having to lean hard on my two children for emotional and practical support. They are wonderful and I’m so lucky to have them. But I want my husband. I’ve been through many berievements in my lifetime, but this is a death too far. I know I’ll never get over it. Some people say things get better. Others say it never does. I feel so lost.
@Dee44 sorry you have had to join the club. It’s hard as we are all very different. All our situations are personal to us and so we feel different and respond differently.
I’m 6 months in, I’m 58 and my partners death was sudden at 49. The beginning is raw and all consuming but now that part, for me, is better. I cry most days, ranging from full screaming and begging him to come back, to shedding a year and then getting on but there are some days where I don’t. I function in every way now and get on with life.
I miss him everyday and I love him more than anything. We had 16 years together and he was the love of my life. We were a great team and both teachers, so holidays that before were our time together, has now become a dread.
I’m grateful for the lighter days, it’s easier now in some ways but I will never get over it. I think we just learn to live with it and the roller coaster of grief, good and bad days, have just become part of my normal.
What will be, will be. What will come, will come. I can’t stop it. Life carries on.
@Dee44 sorry for your loss and welcome to the forum. I agree with what @Ali29 says although I’m not as far on this journey as her. The all encompassing despair eases with time but I find I now have a more profound sadness & loneliness. This forum has been a great help to me and hope it can help you too
Dee44, The first anniversary of my husband’s cruel and sudden death is next week and I’m dreading it. We were together 35 years. Your sense of loss is so great I’m sure. I was looking forward to settling into retirement when we could do what we wanted…together. But no that’s not my reality. On the day after the funeral my aunt said to me, “this is the first day of the rest of your life, do all the jobs around the place you always wanted to do.” We’re a practical lot! I did that for a few weeks but then did nothing for the longest time until I could muster up the mental strength again. I don’t know if we can say it gets better, but the sense of loss and despair, has to reduce over time, otherwise we would be crushed by the weight of it. You said you feel so lost, we can all relate to that feeling…your sense of place and direction has been removed. I wish you well for this unwanted journey we all find ourselves on.
My husband died in 6th June so we are about the same time in. We had been together 50 years. It sucks. We had no children. I can only pray for both our sakes it gets better although we will always live and miss them.
Hugs. Sandra
I am 8 weeks tomorrow since my husband passed away and i know the pain these early days hold for everone. I try to keep busy but their are moments when it hits me the reality of not seeing him again.
Like others on this journey he died unexpectedly and traumatic so the shock was intense. Total was a day alone so not spoke to anyone today so feeling a bit down. I know to take one day at a time so please try to look after yourselves and go with what the day brings. Take care x
Wow eight weeks into this nightmare and you seem so in control but I know you are not. Good and bad days come go and as time passes it will get a little easier. If I had read a post like this one when I was eight weeks in I would have said no chance but believe me it does get easier. The pain is always there that never leaves but you learn to live alongside it and it becomes part of your life. It’s not an easy journey and there have been times I wanted to throw in the towel but I’m still here doing what I can to get from one day to the next.
Much love 
Thanks each day is different and time goes by but same feeling of sadness of loss is still there i do try to remember our good memories and that we enjoyed the 37 years we had together but i wanted more time with him but that was not to be. I guess our love never dies it only gets stronger as each day passes which why it is we never forget our loved ones. They will always live on on our hearts until it is our time to be with them x
Sorry to hear of the death of your partner. I lost my wife of 3 years just over a year ago, we had been together for 5 years before we married. She had just celebrated her 41st birthday when she passed on.
I find the evenings and weekends the hardest to deal with, ive never been a social person, and sitting at home alone, in the house i shared with my wife, really upsets me.
I dont think you ever move on, you just find ways to deal with your grief
One of the few advantages of having carers is you speak to someone at least once a day. Tomorrow should be a good day as I have a friend coming for the morning. I also have a delivery from the supermarket. My neighbours usually make sure I don’t go more than a couple of days on my own. It is hard at 8 weeks. Does it feel much longer and yet no time at all to you? It does to me,
Thank you for your kind words.
I know time will move on but you will never forget them and they will stay with us forever. It will hopefully get easier in time to deal with the grief. We spent all our hours together hardly apart except for hospital time we both had cancer during covid but we got though together now it is just me on my own dealing with everything. I am sure i will get though this period as i am trying to be strong but sometimes i feel weak.
You have my deepest sympathy at a pretty horrible time of our lives,I absolutely understand your comment about evenings and weekends as my wife passed on six weeks ago so it’s all new and devastating for me too.
I know people are helping in suggesting keep busy but whatever I do as soon as I stop the reality hits home. I had no idea that this pain was coming my way even though we had time to prepare,my wife being a bereavement counsellor tried her best to help me prepare but nothing could have done that.
I miss her,I feel a physical pain from missing her but what can we do other than suffer until it eases a little ?
Take care,as with everyone my thoughts are with you.
I know this pain we all feel is nothing any of us can prepare for. I am glad on a way thst it is me that is going through this and not my husband as i would not have wanted him to feel this intense painthat i am going through now. He was such a caring person who looked after me during my cancer diagnosis taking me to hospital and back i do not drive so having to go on buses is a new experience and it takes 2 buses to get to hospital or town and 1-2 hrs of time to do do Luckly i have time to do this so a visit to hospital takes 5hrs almost a day for consultation bloods etc.
I am glad to use up a day travelling as it kerps me occupied and i am tired when i get home. I dont like nights or weekends as they seem to be longer than the week days dont know why they just do.
My moto is live for today who knows what tomorrow will bring and take care of yourself as you are important and your partner would want you to look after yourself.
@miker thank you for you kind comments, although it has been a year since i lost my wife there is rarely a moment goes by when she isnt in my thoughts. For me the real grief started after the funeral, that was the point when i stopped doing things for my wife and realised i had to start again. I feel your pain and hope you can find strength to keep moving forward, while never forgetting what has gone before.
Hi @Galaxy75 I think you are doing so well and been so kind to everyone on here . It’s 10 weeks for me and I have been keeping my mind busy all the time to ease the heartbreak.
We all have to be kind to ourselves as we are in so much pain and despair with our massive loss . I take each day as it comes I can’t think about the future yet . My best wishes to you Julia
So sorry for your loss dee.
My partner of 12 years chris died on the same day after a brave 3 year battle eith cancer.
Im still receiving councilling. Its hard i know ive never experienced any thing loke it.some days are ok others are awfull.i cant really listen to music now it uosets me.i can relate to you perfectly. I agree i too was chrises soul mate.we discussed everything together. I dont look forward to weekend or holidays now.fruends and family have been supportive but theres nothing to look forward to anymore.holidays weekends away shopping its no fun on your own.they say time is a healer i hope so.meet people join things and take all support you can.it will help.you wont get over it but you will get on with life and find new ways to make you happy.hxng on in there x
Is there no volunteer transport organisation in your area that can help you get to your appointments? There are 2 sets of volunteer drivers near me and a community bus service. Xx
There are volunteer drivers for GP visits, also amini bus for shopping trips. But I don’t feel ready to use these yet.
I totally understand. I have registered with a local community transport service but have so far asked friends or booked a taxi.
Hi Dee44, so sorry you lost your husband. I can empathise with tasks being hard to do. I was used to doing things as a team & i lost my rock, the one who kept me grounded. I don’t think you ever get over it, you have good & bad days. Sometimes things trigger emotions & another time they just hit you for no reason. I’ve never lived alone before & it isn’t easy trying to adjust to that. Keep walking into empty rooms where once someone else was. Thankfully my dogs have kept me going. Without them, i don’t know where i’d be.