Not a good day, today. I got through the weekend ok because I had company and things to do. I even felt quite strong when my son and I went on our weekly visit to my husbands grave to refresh the flowers. So I was feeling quite proud of myself. At ten weeks in, I thought that I was through the very worst part. But woke up to a rainy, dreary Monday morning and it all came crashing down again. Just had a mega sob into his dressing gown which I keep where it always hung, in the bedroom. I panicked, telling him I couldn’t live like this (without him) and what am I going to do? I’m too old now to start a new way of life, so all I can see ahead is sitting alone with the heartache. Sorry to lay this on you as I know you all feel the same. Just needed to vent. Tomorrow I will go and talk to the other widows/ers in the park cafe, weather permitting. Hugs and blessings to you all. x


Don’t be sorry for saying how you feel this wet Monday morning, that’s what our forum is for. Hope your day improves and tomorrow will be a lot better meeting up with people for coffee.
I feel a little deflated, too, so decided to be brave and book four days away by myself at Christmas. My husband was very poorly in a nursing home last Christmas, prior to losing him in January, and I thought it would be a good idea to be away. I found just what I wanted but the brochure was misleading and the woman I spoke to on the telephone was quite rude.
So, it’s put me off, having being brave and tried.


10 weeks for me too. I still feel very raw. The sun has finally come out here but don’t know for how long. After one good nights sleep last night wasn’t so good and I feel awful this morning. Hopefully tomorrow will be better for you xx

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Hello rosemary. Sorry after your courage you encountered someone who doesn’t understand customer service. Please don’t let it totally stop you. Go for it. Xx

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Thank you Rome18. oh, last Christmas must have been truely awful for you. And what a disappointment about your booking. I hope you manage to find somewhere else. You are very brave to be going alone. I’m going to Devon next week to stay with my daughter for a while. I’m hoping the change of scene and sea air will do me good, but at the same time, I’m a little apprehensive. Absolutely everything seems so alien being just one person instead of a couple.

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Thank you Pudding. One day at a time.

Thank you @Dee44
It is very daunting to be alone, I am absolutely dreading Christmas and New Year (and afterwards) with last year’s nightmare memories, I am so disappointed having being positive this morning, that I haven’t been able to book anywhere. I will try again.
I hope you have a nice time away with your daughter next week.


I live in Somerset. Devon is wonderful and peaceful. Enjoy your time with your daughter.

Rome 18, Like you I am dreading Christmas and New Year. In fact I’m dreading autumn and the long, dark days. Hated them anyway, but this time will be unbearable. Don’t know what I’ll be doing yet, but at the moment I think I’d like to spend the day(s) on my own. Yes, do try again for your break. Don’t let one nasty person put you off.

Thank you Pudding. Yes, Devon and Somerset lovely counties. I find them both very spiritual, which is what I need right now.

Having looked around a little more, I think my idea of going away on my own for Christmas was a little too adventurous. Given how I shall feel with the heartbreaking memories of last year, I am going to be better at home and seeing my brother and friends some of the time.
I am also dreading the long, dark days ahead which never seemed to matter too much when I had my husband. xx


Can’t think as far forward as Christmas. My birthday is just before christmas. We always spent it alone. One year Christmas dinner was pizza. It really will be miserable this year. Often we were the only ones in our cul de sac. Everyone else was away.

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Dear Rosemary
I am sorry to read that you had a bad experience when trying to book a Christmas break. We are all so vulnerable at the moment and the last thing we need is to encounter some one rude. I think it was very brave of you and I wish I had the courage to do it. Last Christmas I had only just lost my husband so it passed by in a blur. This year my sister has invited me again but her daughter and the grandchildren plus my other sister and her family are going and I honestly can’t cope. I know I am very lucky to have such a supportive family and I feel ungrateful for feeling like this. I did see a couple of four day coach holidays but I just haven’t got the courage to book.
Don’t let today put you off as you are trying your best to be positive.
Let’s hope tomorrow will be a better day.
Love Alison xx

I am pleased to hear you had a good nights sleep. It does make you feel a bit better when you wake up . Sorry last night was not as good. I am lucky in that I do seem to sleep well. In the early days I was sleeping too much and didn’t want to get up but I seem to be leveling out a bit now.
Ten weeks is still very early days for you and you are still in shock. I remember I was in constant pain with my arthritis in the earlier days and my whole body hurt. I could hardly walk but as the weeks went by the pain eased, sadly my heart didn’t.
I do hope you manage to get a better sleep tonight an have a better day tomorrow.
Love Alison xx

I have the pain I am in also eases. My arthritis has been really bad today. I have had to force myself to move as I hate living on painkillers. I can’t take anti inflammatories so are stuck with paracetamol. I am amazed I managed to stand long enough to cook the pasta and sauce rather than just put something in the oven but it was running out of life. Felt as though I had a temperature but when I checked no. Hopefully better tomorrow. Xx

Dear Dee44 Sorry to hear that today has been bad for you. You must still be in shock at the moment.
It was nice that you were able to go to your husbands grave. I am nine months into this journey and I can’t bring myself to go to the cemetery yet. The last time I was there was when I buried my lovely husband. I feel guilty as I know I should go but it brings back all of the memories and I can’t cope . Last week it was his birthday, he would have been sixty eight. I brought him some flowers but they are here in the house as I could not face going to his grave. I am waiting for his headstone to be put in and I know I will have to go then but I find it so painful.
My husbands dressing gown still hangs behind the bedroom door and his slippers are still under the bed in his “man cave” as he called it.
I do hope tomorrow will be better for you and you get some comfort wehn you meet up in the park cafe.
Sending strength and hugs xx

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I hope so. There is nothing worse than pain. I am like you and am only able to take paracetamol for the pain. I think the stress and grief brings on the flare up of the arthritis.
It is good that you managed to cook a meal though. It is painful to stand for a long time. I used to put off ironing as long as I could due to the wrist pain and standing for a long period. My husband used to say I was using it as an excuse not to iron but he was only joking and often did it for me. He was so kind and thoughtful.
This new life is hard but somehow we will get through.
I hope your day is a bit better tomorrow and you feel well.
Alison xx

When you are on your own you have no choice but to move however painful. Norman used to do the ironing when I was bad. We didnt really iron anything after we retired. Your post gives me hope that it will ease. I am doing gentle exercises every day to try and keep moving. I don’t think the damp weather helps. Xx . Sandra

Hello Alison
With hindsight, it’s probably as well my daring attempt to book a Christmas break failed. Given the heartbreak of last year, and memories, I will probably be better at home with the odd visit to friends.
At least you have quite a while to decide whether or not to go to your sister’s and families.
It’s got really dark early this evening … what a terrible thought all those dark times in front of us. Hedgehogs have best idea!
Rosemary x

So sorry, Sandra, you have been in pain with your knees today.
I hope you can have a good night. xx