Hi everyone I’m new here don’t know where to start well my dad passed away with dementia last year in march he didn’t want me to know where he was due to how proud he was scotman born and bred the care home he was in seemed nice when I went in to collect his things which knock me for six . Going to the hospital to collect a death certificate and dad’s things and registering his death in one day to me just seemed unreal . Even after his funeral it’s still feels numb my dad was my best friend someone to go for advise now it’s no longer there it’s awful I got my dad’s bagpipes he’s had since I was a child and his clothes and photos . I went to kilsyth in Scotland dad’s home town to scatter his ashes I had flu chest infection in that year due to being run down I’m under the doctor and not going out at all if I do my anxiety hits me horrible feeling I feel lost I’m currently waiting on councilling at the moment see if that helps . Weekends are the worst I use to spend alot of time with my dad helping him in the garden or he phone me during the week . It’s hard no one knows what your going through unless you been there I have my uncle Bobby in kilysth to talk to but it’s still not the same so anyone out there in my situation time is a great healer love to all


Hi Jean

I understand I went through this with my Mum in March. I have also lost my Dad too.

Thinking of you Sarah x

Hi Sarah thankyou for getting back to me bless your all so in the same situation as me . It’s difficult one I don’t know how long it will take to get over dad did you have councilling

Thinking of you to Jean x

Hello Jean,
Welcome to this wonderful group of people, we are all in the same boat, grieving the loss of a loved one, bewildered, confused and heartbroken.
Stan and I had been married for 59 years, he died in August last year I found him on our bedroom floor. I was so shocked even though I knew he wasn’t well, he had an infection in his heart and it just stopped and broke my heart. He was 84 years old, I was 80 on the 8th of August, I am sure he hung on to see me reach 80, he died exactly one week after. He is a good man, kind and gentle, I have to talk about him in the present tense, I miss him such a lot. We have a daughter and a son, they live 80 miles away in opposite directions. They have been so good to me, taking over all the horrendous paperwork which has to be done at a time when you feel least like it.

Hello Mary x how very sad :sweat: me and my long term friend Ben looked after dad has he had a fall he was in hospital for few days on a drip for vitamins he did like his whisky when he came out we stayed and looked after him he had a water infection the thrush then bed sores a nurse use to come out everyday then she recommended full support which social services got involved and never kept me informed untill I found out dad was in a care home she told me dad didn’t want me to know where he was he knew I went through alot with mum properly didn’t want me to see him in that way but social worker said he was making full recovery which was not true not with dementia . After picking up dad’s bits from the care home we discovered that his cheque book had been written in by different people which is currently being investigated . I’m so sorry for your loss xxx

Hello Jean,
Thank you for your reply, your poor old dad, I feel so sorry for the both of you, yourself mainly because your dad is now at rest. Sometimes the social workers get above themselves and step in when they haven’t a clue what people are really like and that they are so vunerable. If you get a good one, they are few and far between, you are in luck. I am so sorry that your dad passed away, if someone has been stealing his money then they should be punished, maybe your dad’s bank could help you. The older I become the more I despair about the human race.
Take care
Mary x

Hello Mary I agree totally what’s the world coming to it was actually for emptying his bungalow skip etc he had expensive things in his home plus money lying around it was 900pound which my dad would never agree to pay my Friend had phoned this person about the cheque being written in the reply he got was grow up and get a life we have reported this to the police and his bank has contacted fraud it’s awfull it’s like dad was being taken advantage of it’s like the social services didn’t arrange for his payments to stay at the care home they have a cheek to ask me for the money I told them you put him in the home it was there responsibility to sort out the payments it’s disgusting to be honest the way people are treated love Jean x

My goodness. How awful !!! What are we coming to. Grave robbers used to exist, but what is fraud but robbing the dead. I just can’t get my mind round this behaviour. We do need to balance the good from the bad. The kindness I have had far outweighs those who have no comprehension of loss.
My wife had dementia at the end, and it’s something I would never want anyone to got through. It may be worse for carers because often the one’s suffering are not aware they are. My wife still knew me but was oblivious to where she was.
Yes Mary, I too often despair when I see the way people act. But if we can keep them at a distance, as far as possible, so much the better. Blessings.