Hi guys, I lost my granny about 2 months ago, she was a mother figure to me. It is extremely difficult for me to process she is no longer with us. I am working with a councilor and meditate, but nothing seems to help with the feeling that I am detached from my body, and watching my life like a film… I googled and it seems to be called depersonalisation/derealisation, it scares me a lot. And I am afraid to talk about it to many people as not many will understand… I also been having panic attacks over this and general anxiety… I stopped drinking coffee now and am considering antidepressants… although not too keen on this… but I feel extremely low like I am absent from this world and no longer want to be here, I know it sounds weird… but maybe anyone experienced this with grief? Trying to find some comfort… hoping I’m not going mad… hugs to everyone going through hard times now especially with pandemic added to the mix x
Dear Natalija,
No, you are not going mad. Your are grieving the loss of someone who you loved dearly and who had a big place in your life and in your heart. Grief hurts and our mind and body try to cope with it. Each of us do this in our own unique way, and there is no right or wrong way. You may experience a whole range of emotions, and at times feeling like you are looking in from the outside may be your body’s way to cope at this moments in time. If you read through other people’s posts you will see that anxiety and panic attacks are often mentioned as common in grief. It can be quite frightening, but there are lots of ways to try and reduce anxiety, for example on the NHS website. You may have already googled that. It is good that you are already talking to a counselor. He (or she) will understand what you are talking about. You are right in saying that there are many people who would not be able to do that. It is good that you have come to this site. Keep posting and keep doing what you are already doing. And don’t forget: your love for your granny and your memories of her will forever be in your heart.
Jo
I feel the same. Your watching life go on around you though you feel your not moving. You feel you shouldn’t be.koving your life has changed forever. I watch my partner laugh at things on tv. How can you laugh at contribute like nothings happening I feel. … but everyone will have experienced this at some point everyone in their life time will have stood still for them and you would have been doing about your day like you normally would. There’s people who are experiencing the same thing as you right now. You just can’t see them…you don’t know the person on the same street as you could be feeling the same way. They look fine but inside. Nothing is fine.
I do understand how you feel. I nearly posted on here last night about the same feeling. In the end I went to bed as I felt I was going mad and sleep was the only escape. Since my mum died I have immense problems coming to terms with it. My life feels surreal. Nothing feels real or normal anymore. I feel like I’m an outsider in my own body and mind. It’s a horrible feeling and I know it’s a form of anxiety as I have experienced it before about 13 years ago just after I had my son due to post natal depression. I don’t have any advice I’m sorry. But just wanted to say I feel the same.
From experience it does go away as the anxiety calms down. But I’m not sure with grief how long it can be. I just want to come to terms with mums death better and it’s just not happening. I’m certainly in a better place than a year ago though.
Hi everyone, thank you very much for your support and reassurance. I hope that we all get to feel better, and I am very sorry to hear about your loss as well. This online community gives me hope in knowing there is understanding of sometimes similar things we are going though, as this experience can be so isolating, and it feels like no one can understand your pain. This is so strange, because I have been depressed and anxious before, but this is just next level… where like you say you cannot laugh at the same things, or just feel so surreal… I have ordered some books yesterday about grief, they may or may not help, and it’s not going to work for everyone… just putting it out there just in case if this idea would help someone as well, one of them was called ‘it is Ok that you’re not ok’ Thank you all x