Depression and Anxiety

My partner of 41 years died suddenly 7.5 months ago. He had a massive stroke whilst we were watching television - he was 77, He died in hospital the next day. It was an awful shock as I had not been prepared for it. I have no family and I find it very lonely which makes me depressed and anxious. I do have two friends that try to get me through it. However I find having to make decisions without anyone to help very difficult. I do not like relying on two friends all the time. Quite a lot has gone wrong in the 7 months and I am not good with technology which he helped me with. I do get a few better days but when something goes wrong I have to find help and it puts me right back to a very low mood. I do not like living alone but I am told that things will get better - I hope so.

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Hello @flowergarden,

I’m Seaneen and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread. I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Seaneen

@flowergarden I know what you mean about making decisions. Me and my husband made every decision jointly we agreed early in our marriage that we would do this and it worked for us for forty years. We married young and he was only 61 when he died suddenly and unexpectedly on Christmas Eve it was an terrible shock. This site is a great source of support it’s good for sharing how you’re feeling and also listening in to the things other people say x

I really relate to this @flowergarden. I’ve also had a lot of other things to deal with since losing my partner in November, and I’m finding it so hard to summon the energy to keep picking myself up and dusting myself off. It’s just exhausting.

A lot of the problems have been car related and I live in quite a remote place, so without a car I’m totally stranded. It’s upsetting because when he was around there was an extra car as a backup, but also he was pretty handy with things like that and it makes me feel helpless and despairing when things go wrong.

But mainly, I miss having the emotional support from him. He was so good at that and it was really the first time in my life I felt truly supported and strengthened by another person.

I’ve never found it easy to reach out to people for help, but I’m having to now and perhaps that’s good for me to learn.

It’s hard not to catastrophize when everything already feels so painful and unmanageable, but I’m trying to keep hold of some sense of perspective when things go wrong.

Glad you reached out and I hope it helps to know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. Take care of yourself - and maybe let others take care of you, when necessary :pray::sparkling_heart:

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I have been told that things often go wrong when you have just lost someone and left on your own. I also have “brain fog” which has made me forgetful and I find it difficult to concentrate. From what I have read this is perfectly natural. I also live in a rural area so a car is essential but I managed to scratch it without knowing that I did it - brain fog!

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I totally understand @flowergarden , and am so sorry for your loss. It’s nearly 6 months since my partner died very suddenly, and in that time I’ve had endless house problems; like you, I’m alone now. I think if you’re finding help for the problems as they occur, you should feel really proud of yourself. This is a hard road we’re travelling, and there’s no shame in asking others for help along the way. I’ve found YouTube invaluable for smaller problems; even changing the plug on the sink! Just to get through those 7 months is a huge achievement, however bad it feels.

I know exactly how you feel. My wife passed away in January and although she had been ill for years, i was devastated.
I miss her so much it hurts. Susan was very organised and bill paying and saving was her domain. I’ve just about got my head round it now.
Looking back its amazing how as a couple, there are always things that the other is better at but your talents compliment each other so much. We all feel a bit helpless on our own.
Along with the pain and devastation, the loneliness and anxiety we have time to think.
I have been thinking that being part of a couple so long , there was a time before i met my wife that I was reliant on no one. Im still the same person inside and i am responsible for my future.
My wife will always be with me, she was my number one fan. Im convinced she is guiding me now.

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Yeah, it’s a snowball effect, isn’t it?

I have ADHD so I’m familiar with brain fog, although recognising it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

Mainly I’ve learned to accept it when it’s happening instead of judging myself, and to take it as a sign that I need to stop and rest, if at all possible. It’s my system telling me ‘That’s enough now, you need a break’.

Sending you love and understanding :heart::pray: