I have had cervical cancer and believe me you don’t want to go there, my husband was my rock when I was going through all treatments and I know he wouldn’t want me to go through it again as we also watched his sister die from it. My grief consumes me every waking hour but I also see how affected other people are who loved him and why would I want to put them through that with me. I have more fear now than I had before he died 12weeks ago about my health simply because I am needed more than ever for my family but even without family u have other people that love u and would grieve for you.
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Hi @Lindy227 , I’m so sorry you have been through such horrid treatment i hope you are all clear now.
Ive had cancer too and my hubby was my rock, like yours was for you and if i had cancer again im not sure i could do it without him. But you are right, i wouldnt want to put my family through any more upset so i will book my smear. Im a little (only just) too young for breast screening tho.
You are in the very early stages of grief, i hope you get lots of support from your family. Sending lots of love xx
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I’m so glad you are going to make that appointment 
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Hi, I do agree that the only person that you meant the world to has died. We are all alone in this grief. I’ve been ready to leave for 12 weeks. I now just have to do one thing for Mandy ,and then wish it would come quick. We know our partner’s wouldn’t want us to feel and live the way we do, but they never knew what life we would be left without them in it . If we didn’t love them so much our pain wouldn’t be so much either. I loved Mandy so much I wouldn’t want less pain if it meant less love. I have and always will tell the world, Mandy you are the love of my life. 
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Hi i lost my wife just before Christmas 2022 after 51 years i felt exactly as you feel now , in the few days afterwards i just wanted to end my life i could not see any future without my lovely wife every minute of every hour felt i had to be with her.
Now 7 months on yes i still hurt sometimes the grief is unbearable but with my childrens support and this forum i have taken immense personal solace from all the kind people.
You can get over this it does take time but get some support it realy help
Big hugs
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I had a very similar life with my Ray. Wildlife lover, bees, trees and flowers in a lot of space. I moved shortly afterwards - I had to.
Nearly two years since he went - so sad and unexpected - it still hurts very much.
Are you managing to live a little again now?
Ann
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Hi yes but its always an uphill struggle i have good days when i can remember all the lovely times we spent in our garden even if i was only the labourer green fingers and plant never worked for me.
But since Rosemary has gone i have learnt so much that i have created a wild garden she would be proud of this. i hope that with all my efforts i can keep her dreams a reality.
Yes there’s days i think what am i doing here all alone no one to say well done thats when it all comes back the sudden cruel lossof my lovely wife.
Lots hugs xx
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Yes, It’s still pretty terrible, isn’t it?
But gardening is also a great joy, too, despite everything, don’t you find? We can imagine the loved one watching us and also finding joy in what we are doing - they would also want that for us. And perhaps they are indeed watching and still with us from another - and better - place - who knows?
Hugs to you, tooxx
Ann
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