Der

I lost my dear loving wife back in June. We were away on holiday in Portugal playing golf and enjoying ourselves.All was well but on the morning of the 24th June I found my wife had died during the night. I am in total shock even now and there are times Im totally lost. I have a tremendous family with two daughters and grandchildren. But this loss to me after 45 years is beyond anything I would have ever thought.

Hi Derek

You have come to the right place. Everyone on here is looking to make sense of what has happened to them and find some comfort from others going through the same emotions. My husband Geoff died unexpectedly in his sleep in October. We always used to go on holiday to Portugal. We loved it. We had been together for 40 years so I understand what you are going through. At the moment I am getting through one day at a time. Thought today was ok until someone backed into my car at the garage. Then it hit me again, how much I miss Geoff. He handled all things related to the car. He would have taken charge ringing the insurers etc. now it’s another one of my jobs. It’s so tough coping on your own.

Most of us are looking forward to the time we can enjoy our happy memories without feeling sadness and pain. Like you I hope that day comes soon.

Yvonne

Hello, Derek. I am so sorry you have lost your loving wife. Like you, I lost my love in June. We had been married for 66 years and I still cannot believe he has gone. True he was 87 and in poor health but that doesn’t diminish the terrible pain I feel. I have a lovely family but they have all gone back to their busy lives and I feel so alone. On Wednesday I am having a visit from a Cruse Counseller who may be able to help me but I’m not setting my hopes too high. It’s a terrible place we are in but maybe in time we will feel better. At the moment I cannot imagine living without my husband but people do recover so let us hope we will too. Posting on here is helpful as we are all in the same rocky boat. Kindest regards. Eileen

Eileen, thank you for your message. I have had two visits from Cruse lasting 1 hour each visit. It helps to open up. Of all the challenges I have ever had this which we yes we are dealing with will take some dealing with. But messaging will help us all wont it. Thank you and very kind regards to you Eileen. Derek

Yvonne, Yes now you are dealing with your car when Geoff would have sorted it, well my Anne would have done all our finances in the home but now I have had to deal with it. I never took my wife Anne for granted as you would im sure never have taken your husband Geoff for granted but when they dealt with those areas within the home and marriage we accepted what they did. Its not easy dealing with these areas is it but we will. Take your time and make notes I found helped. Very kind regards and thank you for youer message. Derek

Hi Derek
I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife, I lost my husband Jack on 6th December 2017. It was always just the two of us, now I’m so alone, I feel so frightened by this constant loneliness. Like you I’m so lost, I don’t know what to do. After he died, I spent over 4 weeks with my daughter, coming back to this empty home was terrible. I haven’t slept properly for weeks, I’ve now got a cyst in my eye, the doctor said it was probably because of all the crying I’ve been doing, I’ve got drops for it, he’s also given me a few sleeping tablets and a form for counselling. I was reading some of the posts about sorting out clothes, I go to the wardrobe and drawers and see all his clothes, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let them go. I’m isolated here with a long walk to the bus stop, Jack used to take me out in the car, I don’t drive so that’s another problem I’ve got. I’ve spent so long sorting out all the finances, changing names etc, I miss him so much, I was with him for 36 years. The loss is so unbearable and heartbreaking, like you I have family 2 sons, 1 married, 1 daughter and 3 grandchildren, they all do what they can, but they have their work and own families. It upsets them when they see I’m not coping very well. I’ll be thinking of you and I feel your pain, take care.
Janet

Hello Janet, thats a kind thing to write to me. We are both in the same situation aren’t we. Clothes in wardrobes, well I need my two daughters to deal with those. They find it difficult so there’s no set time to sort it. Same perhaps for you. My house is a lonely place and especially the family home for over 31 years here. My memories at present are not the best of my wife Anne but we have to gain strength and do what we have to do for them. Thats Jack and Anne. That’s what they would have want so lets do it. Thanks for your message. That took strength to do. Kind regards Derek

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