I don’t know where to start, after 4 years of the death of my dad, I am just going into properly mourning for him.
In this short space of time I lost my 2 brothers months after my dad, my 2 brothers passed 5 weeks apart and all died from Covid we also lost 2 of my nephews in this period. My daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer and needed her breast removed whilst this was going on I was rushed into hospital with urgent bowel surgery and 6 weeks in hospital. I think my brain just shut down as I couldn’t cope. I really feel I havnt grieved for any of them and have just began to process everything. I feel utter sadness and don’t feel as if I will ever be happy again, I feel lots of anger and don’t understand why we’re here and for what purpose it all seems so pointless!
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So sorry about your terrible loss. It sounds very challenging. It’s interesting that I just posted a question asking if it was normal that my grief had got worse after the first 12 months since my mum’s death. I think you’ve just answered by sharing your experience. You’re not alone. I guess it takes time and we’re never fully over it but, I hope, we become able to live with it at some point. Sending you so much sympathy and love 
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That is a lot to cope with .
I am not surprised it’s only hitting you now . So sorry for your loss.
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