Lost my darling husband on 10/01 this year. Just feel so empty & alone even when people are around me. Dreading the funeral in a couple of weeks time as it will be the final goodbye. Everywhere I look I can see him, cleaning the car, cooking , gardening. Sometimes I have to go out just to get away .
Just get this overwhelming grief & don’t know how to deal with it
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I lost my husband on Christmas eve the funeral is next Friday I’m dreading it too. I went and sat with him in the chapel of rest yesterday - closed coffin - but it helped, a bit, Like you I don’t know what to do, if it wasn’t for my children I just wouldn’t want to be here - we’d only just moved into our new house which he loved 8 weeks is all he got to live in it and now I don’t want to be here because he’s not here with me. It’s just so awful isn’t it?
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Sorry for your loss, lost mine 4/12 and I still feel like that, I just don’t know what to do and people don’t know what to say to me anymore, if I hear times a healer one more time! I can’t remember the funeral of mine, I was in a trance! It was horrific, I kept staring at the coffin thinking he’s in there and I want him out, just so unfair and horrific, I found mine already gone in bed, coroner report came back this week and he had undiagnosed heart condition, I feel angry it wasn’t caught, angry that I hadn’t noticed any signs, the loneliness and devastation I’m
Left with is unbearable, I know everyone here thinks the same way, I just hope one day we can think of smiling again or laughing again, I just can’t see when or how, 
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Thank you for your messages , I know it is still early days , I suppose just don’t think about all the endless time ahead and try and get through each day, but so so hard when I can see him everywhere I go
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@Mags5 hopefully as the days and weeks go on it gets less painful for us, we will never ever forget and we don’t want too, it’s really to accept they’re gone and never coming back, I feel bitter when I see not very nice people still walking about and think why are they still here? That sounds awful doesn’t it! mine was a prison officer in a high security prison and I was thinking yesterday he’s locked up some of Britain’s worst people and they re still here and he’s not 
makes me question is there a god! What’s his reason! When they say everything happens for a reason, I’d like to know what! I feel so odd and angry today! Hope your ok
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Thank you for your kind message & I am so sorry for your loss too,
I know now how this raw grief feels and it hits you in waves. Just come back from walking the dog and as I see my house my heart sinks knowing he is not inside. I have to force myself just to get up in the mornings & I am just going through the motions that your body is there but you are a million miles away.
The anger came yesterday where I was shouting why did you take him away.
Even when people are with you it doesn’t make the loneliness & emptiness go away , life can be so cruel.
I hope you can get through today &
I’m sending you a big virtual hug and a wish for all the pain to go away. 
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Hi
I lost my beloved wife on the 9th January at 21.25 and I too feel very bitter and completely shattered. My wife was taken from me by a kidney stone that migrated through several organs and ended up killing her. It seems this silent assassin was at work for ten years prior to this. An operation was available, but it couldn’t take place because it seems her lungs were also infected. How the hell can a kidney stone kill you? I keep asking myself this and keep coming back with ‘well it did’.
I’m just so lonely, afraid and unable to function without my wife. The days drag by and the nights so very empty and all purpose of life has gone. Is there no end to this terrible pain?
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@Ian6 sorry for your loss, that’s horrible what’s happened to your wife makes you fuming thinking why didn’t anybody do anything! Why didn’t they check! I feel the same after losing mine, Coroner report came back saying he had undiagnosed heart problem which he knew nothing about, caused sudden death in his sleep, i keep thinking why didn’t they notice his irregular heartbeat? High blood pressure? Someone had mentioned in the hospital about his heartbeat a few month back when he was in about a nosebleed! Why didn’t they do ECG! We just think the professionals are correct but sometimes they’re not! They’re only human I suppose! And i blame myself, why didn’t I think anything of the fatigue he constantly had? He was always so tired! Why didn’t I see it? Why wasn’t I there? I maybe could of saved him? Same age as me 42 and I think it’s very unfair, I don’t know how we’re meant to get thru this agony? The loneliness is unbearable for me, we would always be doing something even just getting a McDs coffee, I miss his everyday presence , the laughter, the jokes, his road rage was hilarious, let’s pray for all of us that we can one day feel less pain, it’s gut wrenching thinking about the future without them, we were meant to go to whitby which was our favourite place in March for my bday, won’t ever be the same again now, I hope your wife didn’t suffer it’s us who’s suffering now
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I lost mine very suddenly in May he died in the garden and I found him.I can’t remember anything about the funeral either I was just so numb it was like it wasn’t really happening to me I couldn’t bear to see him in the hearse or go near his coffin.It’s unbearable
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I understand your anger/frustration when the paramedics came to the house the first thing they said was ‘you’re not having a heart attack’ then they said it’s probably angina you might as well come in the ambulance now - he walked into the ambulance after having walked upstairs to get a jumper - and your wife can come and collect you later tell the doctors they can ring if there’s anything you need to know I sat texting him all night saying shall I just come and get you - 2 hours later I got a call saying he’d ‘took poorly’ by the time I got to the hospital he was receiving CPR and 10 minutes later he was gone.
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@Juniper19 that’s absolutely horrendous how he was treat I’d be so angry too, how they just tried to dismiss his symptoms, I know the nhs are amazing and under pressure but they don’t always get it right and even sometimes just saying the wrong things is enough to make us angry, especially now since he’s not here absolutely awful, we’re left to suffer and pick up the broken pieces of life, what kind of life is this for us, if it wasn’t for my son, I wouldn’t be here, I’d never ever leave him, other than that I just think what’s the point? Is everyday going to be like this? Crying pain anger Lonely devastated guilt, I’ve got the most horrendous guilt! People keep saying it’s not my fault, I know deep down, but still doesn’t take it away yet, he’s got an 11yr old son who’s now without his dad and I blame myself for not getting there sooner to save him, luckily his son lives down south with his mam so wasn’t there when it happened thank god! Was his sons bday on the 3rd of December and he died on the 4th, life is so unfair! I remember getting to his house and he wasn’t answering the door and I rang the police to kick the door in, I ran in thinking he’s fell and bashed his head, the police woman tried to stop me going into his bedroom and I laughed and moved her arm out the way, he just looked asleep in bed but my god i so wasn’t expecting it! Was the worst thing ever! I ran over trying to wake him up, and obviously nothing, police said he had been gone a while, I wasn’t taking it in, still trying to wake him up, in utter denial! Paramedics came, I was lying in bed with him, staring at him thinking this is a joke? Your pretending? Your 42 and I know your not leaving me!! I just can’t believe any of it and won’t accept it! I keep saying sorry to his photos, sorry I wasn’t there, wasn’t quick enough, nothing seems to matter anymore, all the little things we moan about seem irrelevant now,
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Hi
First of all let me offer you my sympathy, this is one hell of a thing to handle, and in honesty I don’t know if I can.
Regarding your husbands heart problem. I can relate to this completely because I had exactly the same experience myself. It started with feeling tired and worn out all the time. Doctor said it was to be expected at my age (I’m 72). Next I kept getting dizzy spells and didn’t feel safe driving. Off to the doctors again, this time referred to a supposed cardiac specialist. Nothing wrong with your heart, I’m told, you’re just over doing things. Next I faint in the garden, ambulance arrives, taken to hospital. After an E.C.G; it seems I had a slow heart beat and a six second gap between beats! Anyway, two weeks after this I was fitted with a pacemaker .
Honestly Ang, you couldn’t have done anything and have nothing to blame yourself for in any respect. I know you probably do, we all look back and wish we had done more, but how were we to know? I’m sure your hubby knows this and is no doubt shaking his head at you at this very moment.
Yes, the loneliness, silence and feeling them close is hard to handle. I know that each day is just a progression of pain and I don’t know what the answer is. All I do know is that I want, and need my wife back and that life without her isn’t life but an endless round of torture.
My lady used to say that we’re not perfect people, but we’re perfect for each other, and she was so right. Over the years we stopped being two people and became extensions of each other, and now I’m not whole again and never will be.
I really do wish you peace and the will to get through this hell, try not to give up and please try not to blame yourself in any way. None of this is your doing.
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I am upset that he wouldn’t go to the doctors with headache and I knew his bp was high Both me and my son continually asked him to go I can’t blame myself I can’t live with that kind of guilt . Would it have saved him I cannot say . But he went far too soon at 58 and I miss him so much . I dare not think about the future
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I lost my husband on October 14th on a night out we were dancing to our favourite ska music when he had a cardiac arrest, he was fit and healthy he was 58.
I have great friends and family but feel so alone the panic attacks are scary, the future feels lonely.
All I have ever know was him we met at 15 always together.
Stated counselling to see if she can help with the fear.
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Thanks for the replies everyone, isn’t it scary thinking how a lot of these things go unoticed I’ve just thought of something this morning, he was told he had long covid when he went to docs about the tiredness, looking back it was obviously his heart!! I don’t get why he wasn’t given any tests!! Just fobbed off saying long covid, get rest!! my hands are shaking far too much today typing this, just massive anxiety thinking back at the signs what was missed, what I missed!! Maybe I should of said more!! But cos he was only 42 and been to docs anyway I didn’t think to say anything
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My husband was on an emergency waiting list to see a cardiologist as on a routine visit they found a possible problem with his heart he was on the list for 2 weeks (it was about a six week wait) when he had his cardiac arrest x
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@Tinajim sorry for your loss lost my partner 4/12/23 and he had an undiagnosed heart problem, I just don’t know how it went undetected now looking back at his symptoms
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I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my husband in the early hours of New Years Day 2024 Whilst most people we’re celebrating the new year we were sat in the family room being spoken to by a doctor., making the decision to switch off all his support and let him die.
Absolutely horrendous. I have a 16 yr old daughter as well.
I felt like I was in a scene from Eastenders and it wasn’t really happening. The worst part was having to listen to the explosion of fireworks. Grief is weird you can talk and tell people without crying then it appears from nowhere and consumes you.
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My deepest condolences to you and your family my thoughts are with you all.
The overwhelming loss and grief is so painful it’s hard to breathe. You want the world to stop and let you get off just for a bit, asking why are people laughing why are they still going to work or shopping when I’m feeling so terribly lost.
I am in the early stages of this awful rollercoaster with the ups and downs make me feel sick 
Take each day at a time and allow yourself to grieve that’s all the help I can offer at this stage of my journey, come back anytime you feel like you need to talk we can try and help.
Stay strong
Tina
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@Ferry62 . I am so sorry . I remember the first few weeks they were horrendous. It such a tremendous loss. No one understands unless it’s happened to them . It doesn’t get better but the initial shock is very hard to bear . Take each hour slowly and support each other . Come on here for any support x Julia
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