Good Morning Everyone :blush::wave:
Why do I feel like I’m in reverse,I’ve had several councilling sessions, they helped at the time,but about half an hour after,I was back down to depression, crying being angry,why did God take my beautiful Lucy :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::cry:,I’m taking my medication properly for PTSD military,I am not living I’m just existing,the sun is shining blue skies and Lucy and I would be out and about probably go to shaldon in Devon catch the tinny ferry over to Teighmouth do some shopping and have lunch there, just to relax,and a few hours later back on to the tinny ferry back over to shaldon,back in the car and a pleasant drive back home, and a cup of tea when we got home, now I can’t bring myself to go back there,it holds too many happy memories,and I can’t do it without Lucy,I wish God would take me soon,I really want to be with my Beautiful Lucy :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: again, Thank You for taking the time to read this, lot’s of :sparkling_heart: and :pray: to you all
Martin xx xx


Sorry for your loss Martin. Its a dreadful road we find ourselves on. My husband died last August and I’m just started counselling last week. second one tomorrow. I feel so alone friends rallied round to start with but now I don’t even get a text from them. I hate this life I wish I could be with Jim. I’m going up cemetery later as I have every day since September and sit and have a drink with jim. To think I’m only 8feet away from him when I’m up there is a comfort but wish I could feel his hand in mine. The only image I have is with him in hospital as they switched off his life support and I kissed him goodbye. This image keeps coming to me in my dreams and I wake up sweating in a panic Jim’s calling me and I want to go but can’t reach him. Why does God want me to suffer like this. I’m the same as you I feel this is no life just going through daily tasks In a zombie state. Tears are streaming down my face now :sob: oh what’s the bloody point.

Thank you for your kind words,and I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband Jim, Councilling does help it’s my 4th next Wednesday 3/4pm,I was long overdue reaching out for help,but mental health is rife here in Torquay Devon,no spaces for councilling, you have to wait your turn,I know what you mean about friends all disappearing, thankfully we only had 2, We preferred our own company,we don’t have family,it was just Lucy and me, your friends should always be there for you,you need kindness, loving and supportive from them, Glad to hear that you go Upto the cemetery every day and you find some comfort being next to Him,I know what you mean about if you could just hold Jim’s hand,I’m welling up here,that you your last image of Jim is when the hospital turned off the machines and you kissed him goodbye,the image of Lucy taking her last breath and I’m cuddling her, telling her I love you so much,haunts me constantly,I can’t remove it,I too wake up with the sweat’s I can’t sleep and I start crying,it’s horrible isn’t it,so I know what you are going through,I don’t know why God wants us to suffer so much,it’s cruel,and I get very angry,
You are the same as me,we are existing not living and I’m finding it difficult as each day and night goes by,yes daily tasks are very difficult,I have a plan in my head what to do the next day but it all goes to pot,it doesn’t happen,I just fester watching YouTube,I’m crying as well now,I’m always here for you if you want to chat,I don’t know how to send you a private message on here,with my contact number, probably not allowed, sending you lots of :sparkling_heart::pray: Martin xx

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Hi Martin. I am so sorry for your loss. I feel exactly the same as you. I was widowed for the second time in October. We had been married for two years and everything morning I used to wake up and think I was the luckiest person in world to have found someone so special. My Husband died really suddenly and I ask myself why - how can life by so cruel. I have good days and bad days and today I have sat by myself crying for most of the day because like you I think about what we would have done on a lovely day like today. Friends say you know where I am if you need me but very rarely phone up and say would you like to meet up today. I try very hard not to lean on my two Daughters. I can’t think back and the future just stretches out in front of me. I hope that it gives you a little bit of comfort that you are not alone in the way you feel. Take care. Kim :two_hearts: