If you truly would appreciate some thoughts, advice, actually, be prepared for some to be quite negative. It’s not often that I throw advice about…I’m usually on the look out for it. Where you are right now, I can see myself almost 20 years ago going through almost exactly that. Almost, no experiences are the same that is a given. We did not want compensation, we did not want a fuss, we wanted the people involved to learn something from the mess they had made and make sure that it would not happen to anyone else. An apology would have been nice. It took four years of genuinely HARD work, pushing and pushing at doors, trying to get answers, seeing ranks closing, notes getting “lost” to get one doctor to a General Medical Council hearing. Yes he was found guilty. Was it a result? There was no apology. There was no assurance that things would be different. All it did was almost kill the two of us who were doing the fighting… Looking back, I almost wish we had not bothered. The only physical thing to show for it is a box of files and a4 sheets in the attic quite truthfully a metre high.
And there’s the problem.
I would love to tell you it is not worth it… (the effort, that is).
I would like to tell you that the best thing you can do to honour the life of your husband is to find another way to work through your pain, and then think how overjoyed he would be to see you happy, alive and living a life.
BUT … I understand equally that without doing what you might be planning to do, you will literally never rest. It is, as always, your call. Everything is when it boils down to it.
For me, and all these years on, and the other person much dear to me involved in that fight dead this year, all I can think is, and it is this, round and round it goes in my head " What the hell were we doing the pair of us." We could have spent all those hours we wasted - yes wasted -seeking answers to an insoluble problem doing something else. I don’t know WHAT, but not that.
See what I mean. 90% negative. But you will do what you must do. We HAD to, because that is how we felt at the time. We couldn’t do anything else.
I am sorry about your husband.