Devastation, Times Two

Today marks the second anniversary of my beloved younger Sister’s death, Then two days later on 5 of May, would have been her birthday. Dealing with both of these painful dates, is like being punched in the gut, not once but twice, with no time to come up for air. My mind keeps re-playing the days before her sudden death. We were planning her birthday celebration, and I had her gift of a music box, and a specially chosen card. We were due to go to a show. She was managing her cancer, and we were full of hope. Then she took a turn for the worse, and overnight in the hospital ,( thinking she was there just for IV Fluids ) She coded and perished, with me grasping her little hand.
In that moment, all of our plans were dashed. Not only for her birthday, but for every birthday after that. For ever minute, day, year, holiday, and for the rest of my life. The story of our life together ended abruptly, with so many chapters omitted. She was my best friend, confidant, and my human diary. We held each other up when our Mom died in 2012. She was my “go-to” person in good times and bad. She gave so much to so many, as a sister, friend, colleague, RN. She radiated love, kindness, generosity and beauty to all in her presence. A loss not only to me, but to the world. For me time has not made things easier. This wound will leave scars too deep to every heal, Thank you for listening, Sad Sister2

hi Sister2
can see by reading these words and those you’ve written before,that your sister was everything to you.and reading the middle bit where you were planning her birthday,rings in my mind regarding my baby Jayne,not that we were planning her birthday,but I had brought nice food to which I would of cooked on her birthday 13th feb,sadly my baby took her last breath as I was holding her hand in the hospice on the 10th feb. I know from a few messages that your sister was the go to person the one who was you comforter and confidant who would always be the one you turned to in times of need,without whom life is a stuggle ,we cannot replace those loved ones who are everything in the world to us,all we can do is try our best to old the memories we have shared and try live with them in our hearts minds and souls.thinking of you sister2 and hoping you manage to get through this day.not that its any different in reality to any other when you have lost your soulmate.sorry if ive caused any hurt was just trying express whats going through my empty skull.
regards ian

Sister2 and Ian,
I cannot express how sad I am for both of you, your posts are so beautiful and such beautiful testimonies to your loved ones.
Take care,
Mary x

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Thank you Jianye, Once again, your post resonates with me. Your beloved also died close to her birthday, and like me, you held her hand as she slipped away. Your Jayne had a birthday a day before mine. Many parallels. You are right, that every day after the loss of our soul mate is another anniversary. I question how to continue on like this, the void just keeps widening. I know you understand. You have nothing to be sorry for, you are a kind and caring source of support to many of us on this forum. Xxx

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Thank you Mary. You are so kind. I know you lost a sibling too, and can relate to this pain. I am always glad to see you posting and read your comforting words. Take care. Xxxx

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Thank you Sister2 for your kind words. Take care and stay safe, x x x x

Hello Sister 2,
I can relate to what you are saying, as we have lost our darling Daughter Dawn 3 years ago, and I to was sat holding her hand when she left us . To have a birthday and anniversary so close together must be so heart breaking ,. So hugs to you, and hope you get through it the best you can xx

Hi. Sister2 . I have followed your posts over the last year or so and realise that your love must have been so deep. I doubt if there is anything you can say that would in any small way express what you really feel. Words, words are totally inadequate. Two years may seem a long time to some but it’s not. Far from it. I lost my wife 18 months ago and her birthday is on the 22nd of this month. I coped last year and will this. But the pain is still there at times. It is better and I look forward to some further easement. But it’s going to take time. Wounds do heal, but the scar they leave will always be there.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I can only send a message of love and understanding. Blessings. John.

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Thank you for replying Maddie. I am so sorry for your loss (my middle name is also Dawn). I do not have children, but growing up everyone called me “The Little Mother” because I was always looking after my younger Sister, and she came to me for everything. I was her protector. Our bond continued into adulthood. But the dreaded cancer was too big for both of us.
When she died, I lost more than a Sister. Thank you again, and my heart goes out to you in your pain.

Hi Jonathan. Thank you for your wise, warm and caring words. I have followed your posts as well, and always welcome a reply from you. Today is her birthday. I lit a candle on a cupcake, and made a wish that will never come true. I wished she was here to blow out her candle.
In many ways the 2nd year is so much harder, For me, the realty and finality did not fully hit until then.
I will be thinking of you on the 22nd. And will be here to support you, as you have been for me, and for so many others on this lovely forum.
Blessings, and take care, Sister2

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