I’m 53 and live alone with my dog. My husband died a month ago and after the initial shock I thought I was doing ok until now. It’s my birthday tomorrow and I don’t know if that’s got anything to do with it but I crying my eyes out with grief. I miss my husband so much. I don’t know how I’m going to get by without him.
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Hello @Sherbs. I so very sorry for your loss, you are so early on in your greiving your emotions are going to be all over the place.
I’m almost 15 months on this journey and looking back to the first few months after my husband died, I just existed. It’s like being on auto pilot, the funeral has past, people start to drop away and don’t call or phone so often. Your in a minefield of sorting all the admin out, and for me it was having to face a return to work.
Don’t expect to much to soon, it takes time to adjust to life on your own and anniversaries, birthdays and bank holidays are going to be very hard. You been so used to being a couple and now you face the world alone. Even all these months later I still cry alot and have days when I am so sad.
I do have a supportive family and good friends, but you still are alone at the end of the day and it is something I don’t think I will ever get used to.
This site is brilliant, I don’t know how I would have survived the bad days without it. There are lots of support from other people, we have all lost someone very special to us and we know what you are going through.
Be kind to yourself and keep posting, people will respond.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow on your birthday.
Sending love, Debbie x
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So very sorry for you Sherbs. It’s still very early days for you.
You will miss him terribly. It’s an awful pain losing your beloved husband.
It’s 15 months since my husband died and sometimes I don’t know how I’ve got here. But I have. It’s so hard, but please look after yourself, go easy on yourself.
Yes, your birthday tomorrow will be a big part of the reason you are understandably upset today. The firsts of everything can be heartbreaking.
I hope you can rest, try and eat well and keep on reading how others in the same position get by.
Take care
Janey xx
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I think I’d subconsciously told myself to stop crying for a while as it’s so exhausting but today it broke through. Rainy days make me feel sad but then when the sun comes out I cry even more as I can’t share it with him. Things seem pointless even though I find myself moving through the days on autopilot. I know I expect too much of myself too soon but it’s hard.
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Thinking of you today on your birthday 
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Sherbs,
Be kind to yourself. Day by day, you will feel a bit stronger & adjust to this new situation.
My first birthday without hubby in 50 years was spent alone due to covid.
Family were being over cautious - or thoughtless?
I got a text from my son on the day , but it really hurt being alone.
G. Xx
Hi Grandma, I had my dad, sister and her family come over for a couple of hours today and then dinner out with an old friend this evening. All very nice and distracting. I can’t even begin to imagine being completely alone and isolated (during Covid lockdowns). Not being able to see family and friends would be unbearable. How are you doing these days?
Thankyou for asking.
I was negative but family over reacted and didn’t want to chance visiting till I had PCR. I’d have been happy seeing them thru the window!
It is early days for you - my hubby passed 15 months ago but could have been last week - time goes by so quickly.
I 've had the majority of " firsts" and I now take each day as it comes.
Some days I’m still on auto pilot, but I go with the flow & don’t get too worked up - that doesn’t get you anywhere!
We weren’t together 24/7 which I think was a good thing, but I miss the routine we had got into since retirement!
I still look out the window expecting to see him either in the garden or walking the dog.
Miss him.
Take care. Xx
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