Never joined a group discussion (not even a facebook user) but had a really bad weekend and didnt know where to turn. Started reading all you messages and couldn’t believe how much they mirrored my own feelings.
Been feeling overwhelmed with grief 8 months after losing my dear husband within just a few weeks of a devastating cancer diagnosis. Feel I was coping better at the beginning than I am now. Was putting on a brave face because I didnt want to make my 2 sons and their families feel any worse than they already did. Met my husband 50 years ago when we were 18 and he totally was my life. We had a wonderful life together and so many happy memories which I now find so painful. Cant even look at photos - they make me too sad. Cant listen to music for the same reason and we loved music. How do you cope? Im sure people must think I should be feeling better but I just dont. My sons are now supporting their wives one of whom also lost her father 6 weeks ago and the other father is seriously ill in hospital. Its unbelievable. Thank you for listening . i know youve all got the same awful lives and it does help to read your messages and know im not alone. Love to all xx


Hi Diane68, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. It’s overwhelming isn’t it? I’m coming up to 8 weeks since my husband died. Like you, photos are painful, music takes me back. Everything does. Only people who haven’t lost the love of their lives may think that you should be feeling better by now but I bet there’s lots that don’t think that way. It’s hard for them to comprehend and then they stop talking about your loved one because they don’t want to upset you . You said you coped better at first. Did you really? I’ve been trying to get used to coming home to an empty house, it’s horrible isn’t it? Do you think you should be feeling better? Have you spoken to anyone? Your GP or a counsellor? Friend? I’ve been doing the latter and I have to say that I’m lucky that my friends will listen to me, they also instigate conversations about him which I’m grateful for. This site has shown me that I’m not alone, we all have each other and can empathise. We all miss our partners so much, it hurts so deeply and I don’t think there’s a time when any of us should be expected to feel better, so just hang in there. You’ve come this far, so you’re doing something right. I have come to terms that the price of the deep love I had for my husband, is the depth of the pain I’m feeling now. I’m lucky to have known that love and one day we will be together again, that’s just my belief. Keep going, day by day but please seek help if you’re not coping. X


Nurse 1.
Thank you so much for your reply. I too feel lucky to have known such love, but that just makes the loss worse doesnt it? Tried my GP but didnt feel much empathy. He did suggest
that I to try counselling which i am in the process of. Talking does help. My friends do try to help but they have their husbands so dont fully understand. Its only here that i feel people know what its really like. I was making myself go for walks but thats stopped for now . That did help a bit . Im sure i’ll cope again soon but for now it feels hopeless x

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I know Diane, lots of things actually seem to highlight my loneliness somehow. My friends are great but as you say they still have their husbands. Bless their hearts, they try to understand but really, they don’t really know. I actually pity my friends who have got this coming and I know that I will be there for them when or if their time comes. Still try to get out for a walk, even a short one if you can. I can’t even go int our garden because I see the flowers blooming and the apples growing but he’s not there to share it with. Last year he picked the 4 apples we had and I was so upset that he didn’t leave me one to pull off the tree…he was holding his sides laughing! I can see him now :rofl:. I should take comfort from that but just now I can’t, so I know where you’re coming from x

Yes I can understand you not being able to go in the garden. It’s very early days for you- it’s only 8 weeks and when I think back maybe I didn’t cope as well as I thought. When the nice weather and light nights came I felt worse because he wasn’t there to see them and to sit in the garden together. It’s unbearable sometimes isn’t it? I’m glad you’ve got good friends. Take care. Sending lots of love xx

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Hello Diane
I too am 8 months into this journey and I am so lonely and miss my lovely very husband so much. I have two daughters who are very caring - but it is awful sitting on my own night after night and even during the day I think what we would have been doing together. Like you I seem to be going worse instead of better. I’m bored but seem to have lost all interest in cooking and housework. Haven’t the energy or inclination.
We didn’t have a lot of friends and the ones we have seem to have gone very quiet. It’s not very often anyone asks how I am these days.
Sorry I’m having a moan - that’s how I feel. Wish we could all have our old lives back and be happy.
It does help reading people’s stories on this site and realising that I am not the only person suffering this grief and loneliness. The only people who understand are the ones who have lost their soulmate.
Take care - sending hugs xx