Difficult coping

Hi I’m new to this community, the club none of us want to join. My husband of 30 years went for a bike ride on January 2nd and didn’t return. He had a heart attack . He was only 56 years old. Always ate well, exercised and looked after himself. My whole world has come crashing down. We had so many plans, I’d taken early retirement we’d increased the acerage of our small holding. Life was good. The cruelty and unfairness is unimaginable. I feel I’m still in shock and I don’t now what to do. We didn’t have any children . We were so happy in each other’s company, we just understood each other. He made my life complete. I feel as if my heart has been ripped out , it is actually painful. Although I have good friends I don’t have family- my only sibling a sister, passed away 4 years ago. I have never experienced anything like this pain before. I’m on medication from my gp including sleeping tablets- I can’t sleep I’m actually sleeping downstairs as I can’t face being in our bed or bedroom. Is this normal or am I going mad? Please can somebody give me some hope or a little light that this tremendous pain and suffering will ease. At the moment I feel as if all I have left is darkness. Thank you in advance for any thoughts.


I experienced all that you are doing now. The shock denial disbelief that this has happened. Your whole world changing and you cannot reconcile or come to terms with it. The sorrow pain numbness walking around in a fog. Incapable of doing anything even a conversation. What is the point of anything. The anxiety and depression and the loneliness. It’s devastating. I am eleven months on and slept in our bedroom for the first time this week. Suddenly at any point during the day I just burst into tears. I mourn the life we had. It’s terrible. My only comfort was finding people who understand exactly how I feel. This forum has been my saviour. Keep posting x

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I am also on sleeping tablets and have been for last 11 months x

Hi Broken 5
I feel your pain, I lost my husband unexpectedly almost 6 weeks ago, I woke up early on the Sunday morning and knew straight away that something was wrong. N was my world, my love and my best friend. I have found this forum to be a great help, if only to let me know that other people understand my pain. I had never experienced scalding tears before, but not a day has passed that I haven’t cried. Although I do have family and friends, no-one calls. I am having to initiate every contact, which I am finding very hard. I just want to turn the calendar back to have him hold me one more time.

I’m so very sorry for your sudden, devastating loss. It is very early days for you yet, the shock and pain is immense. I lost my husband of 40 years to cancer, very quickly after diagnosis and I identify with you saying your whole world came crashing down. That is how it feels.
I, like you had just taken early retirement, we didn’t have children and had a blessed life together.
I grieve for my darling and our lost future each & every day. He has been gone for 14 months.
Please know that very gradually this massive burden of pain you are now feeling will lessen ever so slightly, as in you’ll be able to function properly, go out, meet friends etc.
That darkness will lift.
We will never, ever get over losing them, never, ever stop loving them and missing them, but you will be able to smile again, enjoy the company of friends, and hopefully get into some routine of life again once you come to terms with the enormous shock you have suffered.
Thinking of you. Please look after yourself.
Janey x

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Thank you for your kind words. At the moment all I can see is darkness and unbelievable pain. All overwhelming. Grateful for your reply. Claire

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