It will be one year this month since my wonderful husband died after a long struggle with cancer. Sometimes I am ok but today I am not. I hold on to the thought that there are easier moments. My husband of 33 years was my world. Today is a bad day.
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So sorry to hear you are having a bad day. It is strange, this roller coaster of emotions. It doesn’t take much to tip us over the edge. I try to navigate all the rabbit holes, but still fall down one now and then.
All we can do is keep plodding on and hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
Sending hugs and strength. Lots of wise words on here, wherever you are on the slope, on the up or the down bit.
Xx
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Thank you for responding. It is debilitating, this pain. It helps to hear from someone who knows. Thank you again.
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So sorry. It’ll be a year for me next month, too. You think you’re starting to get through it, then it all hits you again. Sending hugs.
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So true. Sometimes I think " I got this" but then it hits like a rock out of nowhere. I have to remember that there are easier moments. I am so so sorry for your loss. Life seems so cruel to me sometimes, giving us such great happiness then taking it all away replaced by such pain. I am so sorry for all of us. Waking up for me is a mixed bag. I look over to the other side of the bed and he is not there, never will be. And the struggle to get through the day begins.
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Thanks. I know; mornings are bad. Evenings and weekends not great, either. All we can do is to plod on and hope it gets easier one day.
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It’s been just over a year now since my lovely wife died after a 6 year struggle with dementia. I miss her so much every day and I’m frightened that my immediate memory of her being here at home is fading.
I’ve got a picture of her when she was well and normal and I long for that. I took all that for granted and then wish I hadn’t now. So many lost opportunities to say I love you, to hug her.
I sometimes rationalise things by remembering the bad times when I couldn’t cope and her not knowing me. I long for her company once again.
My friends are going home tomorrow and I’ll be alone again. I never thought for one moment that I’d feel this sad and lonely. Alway thought that was for others
I can well understand why some feel they cannot face life anymore
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It is so hard for us all
I had a couple of easier days where I felt a bit numb, then today I just couldn’t get going again.
Went out to driving range with my daughter, walked the dog and went for coffee and cake. Did some clearing up in the garden but then had a call from my son who I took back to uni on Friday and he was in tears. Missing his dad and worrying about all sorts of things that he never used to worry about.
Then I stupidly looked on my husbands families group chat and there were photos of them having fun on holiday and visiting each other. His sisters never contact me and it hurts that they have all moved on and forgotten him.
Feel absolutely stuck at almost 6 months on and making no progress at all.
Rest well all xx
Sorry Roni,
It’s bloody awful. Hard work trying to avoid those rabbit holes. Manage it for ourselves sometimes, but when it impacts our kids it all gets too much. We spend our lives trying to protect them, oiling the wheels where we can, but sometimes we are powerless, and that is hard.
As always, no magic potions, just know that you are not alone, sending you the biggest hug I can. Xx
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Thanks willow
My heart just breaks for my kids and of course when they need me I just stop everything else. And with 4 of them to look out for that can take up a lot of time !!
Well , you know how it is.
I know I need to have some time on my own to try process everything and to grieve for my own loss, but at the same time that terrifies me.
I want to make a new life for myself, but struggle with motivation and when I do start something inevitably I’m always needed somewhere else.
I’m just a bloody mess.
And tonight I hate everyone.
Except everyone on here. 
Thanks for the hug.
Sending one right back. 
xx
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I need a hug! I have been to bed once. Just can’t sleep tonight. It hasn’t been an awful day, just missing what I used to have.
Sometimes you just get worn out sucking it all up, even though there is no alternative.
Hope tomorrow is more hopeful for all of us.
Xx
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Yep - I get it.
I get worn out from trying to be upbeat and keep my kids going when I really just want to stay in bed all day.
I often feel like screaming at them as I think they have no concept of my grief.
But I never will - hopefully - as they have experienced such a huge loss and way too young.
I feel like I’m a redcoat from Butlins - but one that got sacked from their job because that weren’t very good at it and kept making everyone sad instead of happy 
Maybe my new career plan could be to be one of those sad, tragic clowns that wander around.
I think I need to try go to sleep now as I’m talking rubbish. ( as usual)
Sending you a humungous hug and hope for a brighter tomorrow too xx
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I never thought I would welcome a Monday morning, yet here I am. Xx
Willow112, I hope your Monday goes well. Big hugs to you as you start your day.