Hi, this is my first post on here so apologies if it ends up being a rambling brain dump.
I’m 22 and I lost my dad 3 months ago after a sudden and unexpected deterioration of his cancer. From when he went into hospital on the 18th january to when he passed on 10th march, life was an absolute whirlwind. i was coming home every weekend to see him as i was in my final year of uni, and then dropped everything and rushed home when he suddenly lost consciousness and began to die. life was so busy around that time, so i never had the chance to sit and process everything. now time has passed, naturally everyone who wasnt so close has moved on with their lives. however i only now feel like i am feeling the grief, as i was in a state of shock/went into practical mode when he died. I feel so lonely, and i am really struggling to watch my boyfriend and friends lives go on as normal whilst mine will never be the same again. being in our home where he passed is a constant reminder, as well as adjusting to a new dynamic of just me and my mum living here (no problems there, its just different). i feel like no one in my life can relate and i don’t like to talk about my feelings, but at the same time i know i cant live my life being bitter that ive been dealt this hand when others havent. i feel pretty flat, and i have been crying every day recently as i miss him and my old life so much and i just dont know what would make me feel better/help me to cope at this point. no one knows that im feeling like this, and assume i am coping well as i outwardly try to act as normal and happy as possible, i dont want to be a burden or a depressing person to be around for anyone so i choose to deal with things myself. does anyone have any tips?