I too organised my husbands funeral single handed. I had hoped that his daughters might have been interested but although I invited them to my house I could see they wasn’t. I made it a celebration of his life. The music was him singing and another song by Westlife. It actually brought me comfort. I had written all about him but couldn’t say it myself and the man that did read it beautifully. I was so proud of my husband that day. I had such a good feedback from everyone except his daughters and still don’t know now exactly what was wrong. They had their chance to participate but didn’t contact me again and never have since. Like you was dreading the funeral, even considered not going and grieving alone, somewhere special to me and Brian but I did manage it and you will find that strength to cope.
Thinking of you Pat xxx
I too was given anti depressants , I took one, felt so ill, they’re still here ready for disposal.
Had an appointment with our local.husputal bereavement centre only to have it cancelled one hour before the appointment time. I sought out a private counsellor following a recommendation from a friend. I’ve had 3 sessions so far and can call her if I feel I need further sessions. I also signed up for the counselling sessions fro. Sue Ryder, I have my last one on Wednesday (you’re allocated 6, with the option of signing up for further sesdions after 6 months if required). I have found these really helpful.
Why not have a look at the link in your profile page.
Sending hugs and blessings.
Jen☆
Thank you Jackie. It is just the funeral that really means I know he is not going to come back from the shops, or from the garden or his music room. At the moment I think I am kidding myself. I am on top of the arrangements so far - I organise conferences - so I am a list person. My memory at the moment is dire so have to write everything down.
I am fortunate that I have the two most wonderful children - a son of 31 - his lovely girlfriend and my beautiful daughter of 24. They are caring and attentive - but I am their mum and I need to care for them too as they were both so close to him. My daughter cannot find someone to make her laugh like her dad - a true accolade and my son considered him his best friend too - he called him almost every day. I know they hurt too and it is my job to protect them - but Gary and I were joined at the hip for the last 40 years so I feel that half of me has gone too. Everything - from the wretched ants in the kitchen to the stupid things that have broken in the last two weeks - my first thought is tell Gary. I suppose he knows - but the hurt is physical again today - a big empty pain somewhere in the middle - heartbreak - it describes it perfectly. I am sorry I am rambling on and on - just like in the journal I have written in a few times.
How are you coping today - is there anything you do that makes you feel better - even for a little while? It is grey day outside and I know I need to speak to friends who are waiting for a call from me - but not sure if I can face it.
Thank you so much for listening and your kind comments. If I can help you in any way please tell me.
Trisha x
Dear Patti
I am so sorry - it must be so hard when it is their birthday. I can understand how you must dread losing the locket and think I will feel the same - so maybe I will buy two and wear one and keep the other safe. The silly thing is I know Gary would be laughing at me for doing this - as I have never been sentimental. It is he who kept everything - even clothes he definitely could not get into anymore. I need to think about that too. He donated to the salvation army - that will be my task to see if they would like his clothes for the homeless. I know I am going to find it difficult so will not part with everything - but don’t think I can face it yet. Maybe a little at a time?
I know Gary would want me to be strong for the children and I will be - we were such a close little family unit. Both of us were only children - and no parents left - so it was always just the four of us. My son’s girlfriend who he has been with for about 8 years made the familiy 5 and her parents became Gary’s and my friends and are lovely. I know I have some wonderful support - and wish everyone here had the same. I don’t know if it makes it easier - but am aware I am hardly into the journey yet. Thank you again for your reply - it is lovely to know someone is listening - and helps so much to ramble on. Please ramble to me anytime you like.
Trisha x
Trisha…
…thank you for asking how I am today, well I had a cry whilst sitting in the front room and looking at the armchair Richard died in…Phoned an MS lady who at the funeral we exchanged phone numbers as she is on the MS panel and they had discussed my situation and how they can work out continuing on getting me to their once a month evening meetings…
It is hard coping with bereavement the loss of someone who has always been moving around our home, that now is so so empty, yet I know he is still with me even though I am waiting on that spiritual sign which hasn’t materialised as yet…I know I am still here, I am left, I am still alive and have to ge myself out and meeting people again, even though I know when I step through those MS sliding doors, Richard wont be coming back to collect me nor staying for one of their meetings…To say the thought of my future without him at my side is going to play hard on my heart strings is an understatement…You see, even when he never stayed he would walk me in, wait till I came out of the loo( MS bladder functioning problems ) then walk me in safely, wait for me to place the raffle prize on the table before he headed back to the car…
Jackie…
Hello again. I am so sorry that you are so alone in this. I know at the end of the day we are always alone, no matter how many people we have round us - but your MS must make the burden even harder as he was always there for you. I must admit my first thought is to ‘ring Gary’ - and had that when I came out of the drs where I had been to check a mark on my face that he had insisted I got checked out. 95% certain it is nothing to worry about - he would have been so relieved.
I do hope the MS society can find a way to help you get to the meetings. I am relatively fit and work almost full time but I know I am going to try and fill my evenings with helping out others some way - how not sure - but it makes me realise how fortunate I am. I have cried a lot this morning - but am still filling in the gaps with useless stuff - have become obsessed with crosswords. Cannot watch TV or listen to music and cry when I see silly things. My son dropped some cocktail sticks on the carpet last night and that made me cry as Gary used to clean his pipe out with them and recently I stood on one and boy did it hurt - so I told him off and now I feel so bad. Did I complain to him too much? As a joke he used to say ‘you will miss me when I am gone’ - it was a joke but how right it was.
Richard obviously loved you very much - and you had each other - why would you need anyone else. If you have a special relationship like we both had - it is all you need which is why we are feeling so lost. It is very early days for both of us - and it was so sudden and unexpected we are still in shock.
My dear lady you sound like a special person and we will get through this. I am very happy to talk to you anytime. I don’t think I need counselling as I talk - a lot - my daughter says I get on a bus and by the time I get off I know the life story of the person sitting next to me. I think it used to embarrass her once! She does not get on buses with me any more. See there I go… chat chat chat. My Gary used to chat too - even after 40 years - and I miss that so so much. We told each other everything and discussed everything in fine detail. Such a special person .
Please keep talking on here. The spiritual sign will come… I think mine is up to mischief - found a cats toy that has been missing for ages in the middle of the floor - it is meant to hold treats. Gary spoilt the cat with treats - so much so have had to put him on a diet. No Gary - he is not having treats today !
Keep in touch please xx
I always prided myself on laughter as being " our best medicine," and always believe that while we can still laugh there is hope for us but, I am finding that very hard to do at the moment…nor it being the right time for it…Maybe in the future I will think of Richard and the times, the funny things that made me-us both laugh…
Hello Jackie
How are you today? I am sorry - I did not reply to your message - and am losing track a bit of all the messages. But that is just me - I do love getting them from everyone - they do help so much.
I have been trying to put together some of the funny things we laughed at - as I want to make his funeral like he was - but I just cannot seem to find those things to say out loud - maybe because they are too personal to us. Did you manage to get the monthly MS meetings sorted out? If I were not so far away I would be happy to help. As you are on your own I do hope you have someone you can turn to. I am not a church goer -but when my mother was on her own (she lived in the country) the Drs surgery had a list of volunteer drivers who would take people to hospital appointments etc - is it worth enquiring. There are a lot of kind people out there- but sometimes they are hard to find.
I think I am going for find things a bit of an effort today - but maybe will sort out the corner of the bedroom that is an absolute tip! Lots of other things to do - but want to avoid them. Still in my sleep teeshirt under my jumper - took my daughter to the station - hmm not a good look!
Take care and message soon
Trisha xx
Tricia…
…we have something not too far away connected to my nearest church ( I say nearest church but where I am now living is way down in the valleys and way off the main A road ) they are called Community Angels and I was first given their leaflet some time back from my local GP as they cover our area but, although somebody notified them of me and my situation it took some time for someone to come round to see me, it was left that I told him I want to go to church, on a Sunday morning, so far I have not heard back anything…He is fully aware I have no means of transport to even get there but so far I haven’t heard as to whether anyone can or is willing to come to collect me, they also run a lunch club which was also mentioned…but church is where I want to go so as to be nearer to Richard, well in my imagination I should be…
Jackie…