What is it about people and a bereavement? A Friend I thought would be more present- after initial month- is just absent &/or just sends meaningless texts now n again - ‘thinking of you all the time ’ just so busy … emotional ‘ blah blah Somehow. I doubt that! Was a good friend of my late husband too. Disappointing. Then she must feel guilty & sends text to say she can do a short walk x day. Feels like she’s ticking boxes, fitting me in and not really bothered so I’ve started saying sorry can’t ‘meeting a friend etc’
Conversely, some colleagues and other people have been really consistent - 1/2 a week send cheery texts, arrange to meet up, call in etc. Really present for me & my kids. Then there is another type - ‘ acquaintances’/neighbours/parents of kids’ friends who ‘will always be there for you’, ‘if you need anything, … blah blah. Think they’re primarily nosey , trying to find out gory details but just counting their lucky stars it’s not them
we are hurting terribly and count on them.
maybe when you are healed some, you might appreciate their trying.
it is like when we are in a really bad mood, nothing people say can make us feel better. we are in that hole. took me several years to gain perspective. but try not to hate them. it is the really exceptional person who behaves as you hoped people would. 
I’m not angry, just disappointed. So filtering those who are present for me/us and not investing time in those engaged in box ticking gestures. She works in caring profession, into CBT etc says all the right things - all very ‘woke’ but has simply moved on. Similarly, a nurse neighbour who works in a hospice - said ‘just don’t know what to do for you all’ well if she doesn’t, not much chance of anyone else knowing. Think most people are grief illiterate but these particular individuals shouldn’t be. The latter is also very curious of my husband’s symptoms and how it all evolved. Many people just projecting their own situation on ours.
BGirl - expect nothing and you will never be disappointed. Always be surprised and grateful when someone pays attention. Never reject an offer to meet up, even for a short walk.
I’ve learned in my many decades that if you keep saying no to invites, the invites stop coming.
Much love.
@BGIrl I had the same disappointments and also the same surprises so I hear you loud and clear!
Truth is, we dont talk about death, grief and bereavement until it happens. People are uncomfortable with it, they genuinely don’t know how to respond so it all seems a bit clumsy and forced.
Friendships will change, and that’s sad, but do take comfort from those supporting you now.
Hugs