My beautiful mum died recently in September following a three month battle with cancer along with an infection and sepsis. Whilst initially my friends were supportive, now two months later it seems everyone has resumed their busy lives. Two close friends live close by and neither have made an effort to see me this month. Another friend who lives in a different city said she’d visit but that was months ago and worse still she actually came to near where I live for one of her friend’s birthday in the meantime. I am single, childless and live alone (I’m 41) so don’t have a partner to support me. Am I expecting too much from my friends? Is this other people’s experience? I’m also finding my annoyance and disappointment with my friends distracting me from thinking about mum (maybe a subconscious coping mechanism?) x
Hi. I’m sorry for your loss. 
Yes, unfortunately that has happened to a lot of us. The sad truth is that others do move on with their lives while we just want the world to stop. I think it’s difficult to understand grief if you haven’t been there yourself and many people do mean well but just don’t know what to say. It can be frustrating and hurtful and there are quite a few threads about the lack of support from friends here on the forum, so you’re not alone. It’s hard to know what to do, in some cases it might help to talk to the friend, perhaps they haven’t realised how you feel?
Hi @clareh12
I agree with what Ulma has said, sadly so called friends tend to disappear, & often don’t know what to say, especially if they have never experienced the loss of a loved one 
, I know it sux. As for friends trying to “distract you from your loss,” again, maybe they mean well, but don’t know how to respond or react, maybe they’re just trying to help you feel better, but understand, it doesn’t work like that. I understand your frustration with this, loosing a parent is a massive thing to deal with, those feelings are valid, & deserved to be acknowledged, especially when the loss is so new.
My mom passed 4 years ago, brain tumours, she was my support, & my safety net, 
. When she first passed, I was on autopilot for the first year, it was the second year that it really hit me. But grief is not a one size fits all, you do what works for you, but if it helps, take time to work through how you feel. Some people keep a diary of your grief journey, some keep colour coded mood chart, so make a memory box or scrapbook of their loved one, I know they’ve passed, but I still talk to them, & have written them letters, it helps me get my thoughts in order. If it helps, some places do bereavement groups, like a social group for people dealing with the loss of a loved one, maybe check what support is available in your area, & there is also this forum, we’re all here because we have, or are, experiencing loss, so can speak from experience, you are not alone. Sending hugs of support 
.
Hi @clareh12
I’m in a very similar position to you. I lost Mum in September to pneumonia and sepsis as well. It was extremely sudden and so so hard to deal with.
Like you, I’m now on my own and the house is so quiet without her. It no longer feels like the loving home it once was and I have a big Mum-shaped hole in my life right now.
Friends and family have drifted away and I found what works for me is getting out as much as I can. My lifeline has been my local mental health cafe, a wonderful place where no one judges you and just accepts you as you are. I’ve also joined the bereavement support group at the same place and, although I’ve only been for one meeting as yet, I found it really helpful to connect with others who understand what I’m feeling. Maybe you have something similar in your local area for when you feel ready.
All I can say is just take things one day, one hour or even one minute at a time. Do what you feel you are able to do and try not to put too much pressure on yourself. You did the right thing posting on this community as you will find (like I have) a lot of comfort and support from others who are going through a similar situation. Remember you are not alone, and help is out there if you look for it.
Take care of yourself and sending you strength, love , and hugs 
Clareh 12,
Thinking of you. I too just recently lost my father at the beginning of October and finding coping with grief really hard. I am conscious too of the many 1st’s to come, such as Xmas and birthdays or travel on my own. It is also hard when friends or work colleagues just don’t seem to understand how to offer support. I think the advice offered by on this forum are really positive and I am hoping this will help me too through this difficult journey. Sending best wishes and hope you can find some comfort here
I’m so sorry you are struggling, people who haven’t been though this loss don’t know how to react so stay away. Look at local groups to meet new people I know th is s is hard but it helps I’ve tried it. Take care