I know I probably deserve this but 5 years ago, I bumped into someone I had known many years ago through family and there was always an attraction those years back , he was widowed and myself married . We ended up having a very close relationship for 2 years and he was my soul mate (and I do feel very guilty for this) I have never loved anyone like I loved him and he really was the love of my life . However we wanted the timing to be right and as we were planning on our life together , before we got chance to start this new life together, he was diagnosed with cancer which he tried to hide from me to protect me , and suddenly passed away . His son informed me hours afterwards. I am heartbroken and I think because I am trying to act ‘normal’ around my family and colleagues it’s tearing me up inside . I know I probably deserve this pain and judgement, but has anyone else ever had this where you have to hide your grief and carry on ‘normal life ‘ ? He passed away 2 years ago now and it’s getting harder not easier .
Hello Peely
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your soul mate. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Rhi
Peely, you do not deserve this pain any more than your love deserved to die. Why try to act normal? It is impossible to do after the loss of someone we love. I assume that no one knows the true nature of your relationship or how deeply you loved him and you must keep it secreted in your heart. How very difficult this must be for you.
My advice is to find someone you can talk to in person - a therapist - and get some help coping with this loss.
I am very sorry you are mourning your soul mate and I hope you get some professional help to ease this pain.
Much love.
Thank you so much for your response Peaches , it made me cry that someone told me I didn’t deserve this guilt I feel . It’s so difficult keeping it all inside , somedays are just so difficult to get through I just feel like I’m screaming inside . I’m going to find a counsellor as I think it’s the best way forward and thank you once again x