Disenfranchised Grief

I’m glad you have a good friend who has been brilliant.
It’s nothing to do with me but, maybe, if you didn’t look online and see comments about his family, you may be able to cope better. I know that he will be in your heart and mind forever, just try and keep it like that and release his family from your mind.
Concentrate now on your life with your family, together with lovely thoughts about your ‘friend’, that’s what he would have wanted you to do.
Best wishes for your future.x

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@Rome18 Funny you should say that. I an actively trying to pull myself together and have an ‘unfriending’ and ‘restricting’ session. I have been clinging on, but now there is less and less online as people get back to their everyday lives. Up till now I couldn’t bear the thought of cutting off contact, but I think I’m getting there xx

I know the feeling … theres a few of us having a bad day today … i wonder why ? Maybe its the bad weather and we’re stuck in more with our thoughts ? Its a hard road i know … yes the queen said : grief is the price we pay for love - so true ! xxx

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I am glad about that.
Good luck x

@Deb5 Yes, let’s blame the bad weather!! Fingers crossed for some sunshine and sitting in the garden with a glass of wine. A few deep breaths and a silent cheers to those we love and miss xx

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Yes … its grief as well … course it is - but we just have to work through it dont we ? Xx

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Hello, I have read your post and I hope you can give me some advice.

Sending all my love to you.

My partner of 3 years suddenly unexpectedly and shockingly died of a heart attack a few weeks ago. I was the last person he saw or spoke to. I am completely lost, broken and angry.

He decided for his own reasons not to tell his estranged wife and son about me as his estranged wife suffers from bad mental health and he was worried her finding out would potentially make her suicidal and his son would never forgive him. His son is his world.

He loved me and his son so much and couldnt let either of us go. When he died I was notified by a friend and felt a sense of helplessness and lack of control. He talked about having children with me, calling me his soulmate. We have such a strong and special relationship he wanted to protect us.

I had no information about how he died, who found him or the funeral. I attended the funeral as I have every right and his estranged wife who have been separated for 4 years made it all about her and I know he would have hated that.

I decided to message his son and he said

Hi, I’ve been putting off/trying to come up with what to message you. I’ve been aware of you and my Dad for ages but he never mentioned it so I left him to it. I don’t want to seem insensitive but I’d rather that nobody else has any idea of your relationship as I think it would absolutely destroy my Mum if she found out.

So I have decided to honour what he wants but it is absolutely killing me and leaving me feel so isolated. I have belongings at his lodge and his phone is full of private information.

I am starting to feel angry and needing to find a sense of control. I have asked his son politely and calmly to let me have access to his lodge to get my belongings and spend some time there but he is ignoring me.

I dont know if he has a will but I am so scared that he doesn’t and because they are married she will get everything. I am a sentimental person and his smell and space is so important to us as a couple.

Do I contact another family member to gain access or try and contact him again telling him how much it means to me and his Dad and how he wanted us to be there together

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Gosh no idea … if i were you i would get some advice from relate or something like that ? Its a tough one this is xx

It really is so difficult as I don’t particularly want to explain our relationship to members of the family who aren’t so close to him. As it is so precious to both of us.

His brothers girlfriend has always supported him and seen how happy he has been for the past few years. So maybe getting in contact with her will help.


You are not alone, this site is wonderful and it’s my line life since I lost my son in March. Just keep messaging and opening up about your feelings, it all helps whatever cruel journey we are on. Be kind to yourself xx


I feel your pain… happening to me right now :broken_heart:


What is happening to you right now ? X

I’ve posted my message on secret grief


No you don’t deserve this… like me we fell in love with two people and like you I don’t think I’ll ever get over this either

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I’ve sent you a private message - please feel free to get in touch to chat xx

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Where do I find messages? X

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Look up to the top right and there should be a notification by the little circle with your initial, Click on the little envelope.

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I’m so sorry … a loss of a son is just to dreadful to think about. I do think how his own parents are feeling x

Hey Dublin Girl,

I’m in the same situation as you.

It’s tough losing, in my situation, the love of your life, being married to someone else and not being able to talk about your grief or openly share memories about your loved one.


Hi @Delta16

I’ve replied in private. Totally understand how you are feeling.