Do friends and family talk to you about your grief?

My wife brother was diagnosed with Prostate cancer 8 years ago why was it not asked if there was a sister in the family knowing the link between Prostate and beast cancer in families this should be standard practice when one or the other is diagnosed. What is up with NHS procedures in this country should be one of the first things asked we are talking about people’s lives . You find this out when someone passes away.

Mum passed away near the end of July 2016 and to this day I wonder where she has gone.
Even though I attended her funeral it all seems so strange to me.
It’s as though the funeral did not happen and Mum has gone somewhere…I just don’t know where!
Since Mum’s passing most relatives and Mum’s friends have stopped contacting the rest of the family.
I don’t know why.
We haven’t all passed away!
Some of us are still here on Earth in the physical bodies.
I am still grieving Mum’s loss and shall continue grieving for the rest of my life.
Many relatives do not understand the grief and they start comparing Mum’s passing to other people
who passed away before.
I don’t wish to see or speak to relatives or anyone else who does not understand.
Those people simply add insult to injury.
If there was a group to attend for us who are grieving, I would join the group.
It’s a lonely world when you lose the most important person in your life.
I have so much in common with Mum.
We listen to the same music, we watch the same films and we love going shopping.
I talk to Mum’s photos daily. Some of her pictures are framed and up on the wall.
I talk to her as though she is really present and can hear me.
I’m waiting patiently for Mum’s response.
Has anyone else had this experience where people stop talking to you?

Hi. My husband died unexpectedly 6 weeks ago, he was 40 years old. I never knew how lost and shocked I could be. My emotions are everywhere and some days I’m fine and others I’m a totally mess. Miss him dreadfully and even though I have a large grrown up family that have been totally brilliant, I have never felt so lonely and lost . Every day feels like a week and nights are dreadful. I know it takes time but it’s a rollercoaster that I really want to get off.

I’m over 9 months without my husband all I can say is take a day at a time each day is different, my family are amazing but the person I really want is gone, Age 55 he was my life , love the person who made me laugh everyday. I go a walk every day with my dogs to my head , I try find something good in every day no matter how small, I write a journal since he died as I forget things and somewhere in the journal is memories to look back on. You never get over losing someone close you just adjust in time , I can’t say when that will be as I haven’t reached that place yet. I love and miss him everyday. Keep strong , keep going as best you can in your own time. Sending much love and strength to you. Love Karen. Xxxxx

Hi Karen. I to keep a memory writing book, write down what I am feeling etc, it helps calm me down when my emotions go on overload. It’s just so hard, my grown up children have partners and watching them just makes me feel awful. I know my life will never be the same again, and that’s what I yearn for. The life I had with him. Its early days still but I cant see a future at the moment.

Hi Lune and Karen. Sorry for your loss. Just feel so ill today feel sick just want to be in bed went out to meeting with a Breverment group had to come home. Just couldn’t cope wouldn’t feel like this if Penny :heart: was still here just lost without her. Just in bits don’t want to be here anymore. Crying just want the love of my life back with me Sorry can not text anymore. Being dead myself has got to be better than this. Sorry regards xx

Hi Fre. So sorry you feel so bad today. Every day is a gamble of how you are going to feel. We all have good and bad days. Today I have been distant and tearful. My anxiety levels are sky high. Have you got family that can come to see you? Pleease private message me if you want to chat. How long ago did your beloved Penny leave you? I know it’s so hard, but hang on in there, we can all get through this together. Love and hugs xxxx

Hi Freddie,

Sorry to hear the bereavement group was too much for you. I know the pain of crying and sadness, even depression feels unbearable but in time it will get easier. Please do call Samaritans on 116 123 if you are feeling desperate.

The waves of grief and emotion feel so overwhelming and strong, especially in the early months of bereavement. However it is a testament of the very deep love that you shared with Penny - someone who loved you very much and would not want you to be feeling so desperate. I wonder if you can take any comfort in those thoughts?

Best wishes,

V

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Awww Fred and Lune life is so very cruel at times, some days I wonder why I bother but I see what my kids went through and they can’t lose me so I carry on every day, some dats I cry , some I survive/exist it’s so painful at times , please try keep strong your loved ones really would want you to be happy, I know life is hard without them , I had the best 33 years with Steve, I love and miss him every day. I hope one day it’s more bearable for Us All. Xxxxxxxxx much love to you All​:heart::heart:

Hello Allheart. I had 13 wonderful years with my husband. He took me and my 5 young children on and became their dad. We then took on our 5 grandchildren as guardians. We had so much planned to do this year. I am still going to do the things we planned as I know he would of wanted me to. But I know it’s not going to be the same without him being there. His unexpected death has shocked us as a family to the core. Everyone is suffering in their own way. My grown up children have been fantastic but have their own families and partners. Even though I have the 5 grandchildren, life is so hard at the moment.

Sometimes people don’t know how to deal with grief especially if they haven’t experienced it. Grief is different for everyone we all cope in different ways, no ones loss is greater than the next person, it’s such a horrible thing for anyone to deal with but unfortunately it’s part of life, I’d like to think that one day in the future we all meet our loved ones again and in the meantime they still walk with us , We just can’t see them. Keep strong, take life as it comes, don’t think too far ahead! A day at a time is all we can do. Xxxx

Keep strong, your doing good, your on here talking to us, I thought I’d never get through a day and I’m here 9 and a half months on, don’t know how I got here but I did. I know how much my husband loved me and I’m doing it for him for our children, grandchildren as they’ve been through enough already with inquest and everything that happened. I’m very angry he died as he shouldn’t of. He had 6 GPs visits, undiagnosed and dropped dead at work age 55, I was in shock for a long time now I’m angry at losing him and the clear negligence of his care. But life has to go on , I will smile / laugh somedays with my kids and that makes them happy to think I’m coping, I hope one day you all feel you can smile or laugh again. Much love Karen. Xxxxx

Hi Everyone that replied to my message Penny :heart: Passed away on 06 November 2019. After being diagnosed with Mets Breast Cancer passed away 21 days after diagnosis GP was treating her for Sciatica. This time last year I was diagnosed with Prostate cancer GP was treating me for Piles after months of arguments finally got a PSA test they said I didn’t need . Had tests Christmas Eve 2018 this was happening just as I retired in September 2018. After Christmas results came back Sorry you have locally advanced prostate cancer had Radiotherapy in June/July 2019. At that time Penny :heart: was complaining about a bad back took Penny :heart: to GP told her it was Siatica. Penny :heart: collapsed in October taken to hospital diagnosed with Mets Breast Cancer and Passes away on the 06 November 2019 Aged 67. Myself age 70 xxx

Met Penny :heart: when she was just 16 years old I was 19 at the time. Married Penny :heart: when she was 18 me 21. We where married for 48 wonderful years. Penny :heart: we lived just 15 doors from each other in the same road. Penny :heart: was a teenager to a woman/ and loving wife over night. Family have Just dropped me never see anybody xxx

That’s so sad. The one time that you need them and there not there. I dont understand how families can do that, especially when everyone needs each other. I’m so lucky my family have been great. Gary’s family were fine until the cremation 2 weeks ago and now it’s just his sister who bothers. Where abouts are you? Xxx

Awww Freddie that’s so very sad people just don’t realise how lonely life is. They’ll understand your pain one day. Unfortunately :broken_heart::cry:

So true Karen. It’s a hard thing to have to endure, sadly . Families need to help and support each other not ignore others grief. Xx

100% this is the time you need their love and understanding the most. Grief comes over in waves and you’ve no control over it, just feel , it cry, scream whatever you have to do to get through it. Our lives will take a different path than what we had planned now but try walk it they will always be by our side. Always​:heart_eyes::heart:

Hi Lune. I live Chatham Kent not been good time at all this time last year I was put on homones Put on 3 a day by mistake by a hospital professor should have been one a day overdosed for 3 months. after my Treatment. Got the news a friend of mine was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer pass away in 11 days after diagnosis. Then my cousin Carol had Lung cancer passes away cremated on my birthday. Just over a month later Penny :heart: diagnosed and Passes away. Penny :heart: has 3 brothers here eldest and youngest both have Prostate cancer her middle brother is lucky he is ok at present. But his son has this week been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer aged 50. 7 People have been diagnosed with Cancer 3 have passed away in 4 months life isn’t fair. xxxx

I know life is cruel at times. It gives and takes life whenever it chooses to. It seems that pancras cancer sadly ran in Penny’s family. Have you got children ? Love and hugs xx