Rosie, as Pat has said it will calm down. it will be 19 months on Thursday since Alan passed so suddenly, in the beginning my thoughts were consumed with only him, in my every waking moment all I could think of was him, how I wanted to be with him, thinking it all wasn’t real. I took one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. I still think about him, then again we were together 2 years before we married then 50 years married, it is a long time, I have never known anyone else, never known a life without him. since he passed everything has a new meaning for me. I am now living on my own, I have never lived alone, so this is still very new for me.
there is no quick fix, no magic pill, people who have never experienced what you, Pat, myself and everyone else on this forum ate going through, yet they suddenly appear to be the experts. these who say you’ll get over it! utter rubbish, we shall never get over it, we do learn to live through it though. then there’s those who think we should move on! move on from what, move on to where, it’s not about moving on either. our loss is personal to us as individuals and as such we get through it as best we can.
there is a book I found really helpful, On Grief and Grieving by Elizabeth Kubhler-Ross it does explain a great deal, certainly helped me during my very very dark early days. my days now are not so dark and I find I am beginning to make plans for the future, I shall always carry Alan in my heart, that will never change what is changing is the bad days are reducing.
I still break down at times, usually over silly things that trigger a memory. I put the Christmas tree up this year couldn’t face it last year, I was very emotional especially when it come to putting the angel on the top, that was always Alan’s job, I wept buckets I can tell you.
what I’m trying to say in all my ramblings, is take each day at a time, if you cry buckets, the cry buckets , the bad days do lessen as the time passes but they don’t completely go away, we do learn to cope with each day and we do get through this very tough time. we shall never forgot the love of our life, they walk with us for the rest of our days. they ate with us in spirit so please keep talking to them, I never shut up, I talk to Alan constantly,
another helpful aid is writing in a journal, write as though you are talking to them, tell them about your day, your thoughts, your feelings, in time you may start to get replies to your writings in the form of thoughts, that is one of the ways those in spirit communicate with us, also watch for the signs, they may be subtle, sometimes it is a white feather directly in your path, a Robin who visits frequently, something you can only associate with your loved one , these are all signs from them, sometimes just to let you they are close by, that theyre ok, take these signs and thank them.
you’re doing as well as you can do, hope I’ve not confused you ☆
hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today