@GaSuWl thank you for giving us who have only just started on this journey some hope and the benefit if your experience. Thing is the actuarial tables say 12 years is about all I have left.
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@GaSuWl
How hard that time must have been for you and your young son, bless you.
Reading your post has made me feel positive, thank you. I am coming up to eleven months without my much loved husband. I do have good days, a lot more good days than bad if I am honest. I still have bad days though and I do find that I cry most days as well when I think of him.
I think missing him is the worst feeling, even when I go out and meet other people I am constantly wishing I was with him and not them. I know I sound very ungrateful, I am not but it is the truth. I know I am very lucky to have supportive family and friends around me.
Very occasionally I get the feeling of disbelief, the feeling that he is still here and my life hasn’t changed… if only!! I suppose it’s grief and my mind playing tricks.
Thank you again for giving us all hope for our futures. xx
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@Pudding sending love xxxxx
@Alir I don’t think you sound ungrateful, I think that’s very normal to feel that way!
I used to be so grateful my parents would attended things with me for my son, but I also wished his dad would have been there instead of them! In the first few years for me memories bought me pain, now although memories do have sadness, I have also belly laughed at some of them and I’m so glad I have them to tell my son and my friends and family.
I still feel angry at him sometimes that it happened (partner died due to taking drugs one night) its been hugely complex array of emotions for years, BUT day to day now I am happy - I don’t feel so guilty I’m happy anymore, I know he’d wan’t us to be happy and although I always miss him life is okay again. I have a new partner and a baby!
Sorry rambling on but sorry my point was supposed to be, everything you’re feeling is normal and okay and just hold on to the fact that one day even if takes you months or years you will find a new kind of happiness in whatever form that is for you
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Im same … just constantly wishing he was here instead of anyone else 
so heartbreaking this is … the most awful time in my life … im gonna move when im strong enough … i just dont like it here anymore … but im not strong enough yet x
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I had my brother for lunch today and it was lovely to have company, but tbh I kept wishing it was my husband. I always tried to make our Sunday lunches special and I so miss them with him. Afterwards he liked to watch a football match on tv if one was on and today Man Utd and Arsenal played which he would have loved. The sadness every day over so many things is a nightmare.
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@GaSuWl
It is so nice to hear that you are happy again, and you deserve to be.
I would like to think of myself as being able to talk about my husband and laugh at the things he did one day. I know my grief is new and it will take time but I want to get there, wherever there is, and make my husband proud of me.
You have been through a terrible trauma but you got through it eventually. Your words show how much you cared for your husband even through your anger at the time.
I wish you every happiness and thank you so much for sharing your story, it has brought hope for the future.
Love Alison xx
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@Deb5
Yes, Deb, it will never be the same will it?
I have just sold my house and will be moving nearer to my sisters. At the moment I am feeling a little bit excited about it but I know that when everything is sorted and it is time to leave this house I won’t feel this way. We were talking about moving before he got ill and had even looked at a few bungalows so that is why I have gone ahead and done it.
Wait until you feel you are ready to go though. Hardest thing for me will be sorting all his clothes and belongings as they are all still here.
xx
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I was same , always made nice Sunday lunch and my husband loved football too my son said tonight that he cant go watch my husbands football team yet … cos it was his dads team xx
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So very painful it all is isnt it ? Are you moving to a bungalow ? My problem.is i dunno where to move and so I know its not right yet, but i just know dont wanna stay around here … i dont like it anymore without him here xxx i absolutely hate it in so many ways … but moving is too much to handle right now xx
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Thank you Alison, that’s so kind. I think you are probably already making him really proud. I wish you every happiness for the future 
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@Deb5
Yes, we wanted a bungalow as we thought it would be easier to manage. I also have rheumatoid so the stairs here are sometimes a problem if I get a flare up.
It is a very hard decision to make but I know I have to do it as I can’t manage this house by myself. It isn’t a mansion, lol ,but too big for one person.
I think you will know when the time is right to go.
Wherever we end up will never be the same without our lovely husbands though. xx
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Yeh i see and i totally understand you and sounds like a wise mood to me. I hope you are happy there and let us know how you get on … xx
I meant move btw … not mood …
lol x